Tales of the Invisible Ben

Bicentennial Man

Two hundred posts later, and the Tales [TM] still keep coming. I've been weighing various options for how to commemorate this particular occasion, and although I do have some hilarious (and terrifying) stories from the classroom to share, I think I'll take a cue from Gerald Ford. After all, "those tall ships really lifted the nation's spirits after Watergate."















And the Invisible Ben keeps on sailin' along...

Sick

Nothing like the first illness of the school year. Woke up this morning feeling achy with a sore throat. Tonight after what seems like dozens of zinc lozenges and far too many glasses of mint tea, my throat is still sore and my headache is far from receding. Two years in this business, and I haven't taken a day off for medical reasons. But it's still tempting.

Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning.

Oh...speaking of things that make me sick, I'm currently boycotting the online edition of the New York Times. Why should I be bitter at that proud paragon of journalism? Because they decided to deny one of the small pleasures I have at 5:45 in the morning as I wait for my oatmeal to finish in the microwave: the Times editorial page. Goodbye, Maureen Dowd! So long, Tom Friedman! It's been fun, David Brooks! Thanks to TimesSelect...you've denied me the simple pleasure of intelligent discourse unless I shell out $50.

For now...you're on the enemies list, New York Times! I feel like Richard Nixon.

Sick, isn't it?

I'm out.

The Class From Hell Postulate [TM] be damned. Today, it all fell apart in my last two periods. Surprisingly, my last period class, which is supposedly tracked on the highest reading level, fell apart. Two girls, getting in each other's faces: that's all it took. I tried to stand between them, but as soon as the fists started flying, I called security...but the fight grew. It was like one of those clouds in cartoons when a dog and cat fight...people just got sucked in.

It took around 4 security guards to break everything up. But not before they tore down one of my posters. My class was not under control. And this was suppposed to be a good class. And then, they got mad that they couldn't go to the lab...claimed I was penalizing the whole class for the actions of a few. And they're right.

But it didn't end. Two more new students today in that class. Both assholes. Refusing to call me by my name...giving me all kinds of attitude, and refusing to just sit down where I told them. One kid even has the gall to take a picture during class on a cell phone...then he refuses to surrender it to me in accordance with school policy, and then what can I do?

I have no power.
I earn no respect.
Even with two years of experience.
They cuss me out, and I can do nothing.
I plan for hours, and all is undone in minutes.
They see me as a coward-one accused me of running for security as soon as the fight started and not wanting to break it up. They see me as a fool. And they may be right.

This is only the latest piece of evidence that leads me to the following conclusion:
So far as Underwood is concerned, I'm increasingly certain that after this year...I'm done.

The only question that remains to be answered is "what's next?"

A Postulate Worth Pondering

I have been remiss in blogging of late, largely as a result of the start of the school year. Given my experience at Underwood, one would believe that I would be fully capable of handling any stressors the school, its staff, or its students might throw at me, but I constantly find myself being reminded of how very limited my imagination remains, despite its exposure to this world.

Two classrooms, for example...who would have thought that would make my life so difficult? But running back and forth, I'm constantly keeping an eye open to avoid leaving stuff behind or being late to the other side of the building (and down the stairs) after first period.

Things are only rendered more complicated by the continued presence of my advisory, which I had been told might be disappearing by the end of this week. But they're still there. Every morning. And they keep putting new kids in! Almost two full weeks in and kids are still lining up to register. We're running short on teachers and they keep coming. Lemmings over a cliff, lambs the slaughter...pick your animal metaphor and run with it. It's cool. We've got plenty.

As for my classroom management problems, they're still there, although I have at least two pretty good classes. The real problem of late has been the weather. The heat and humidity has made things practically unbearable throughout the building, but in my rooms (with no fan or A/C to speak of), it's murder. Students are actually walking out of class because it's slightly cooler in the hallways than in my room. I had a parent request to be called today to check on the climate situation in my room...not how her daughter was doing.

I'm not actively seeking out fans of any variety, because I feel like they just tend to promote more whining. Kids near a fan seem to get preferential treatment leading kids far away to whine and bitch and moan just as much as if there were no fan in the first place. To be blunt, the weather needs to change before I can get some serious teaching done.

But even then there may be some classes I can't reach. I was, and to a lesser extent, still am concerned about this, especially since my in-class control determines to some degree my general satisfaction with my job. But, I take comfort in an e-mail from a teaching colleague which I received recently in the InvisiblE-mail from a fellow teacher. He notes that I appear to be suffering from the "The Class From Hell" Postulate.

To wit: "Every semester, you have five classes, four will be mediocre to good and one will make you want to shoot yourself."

Based on further discussions with other colleagues, working in a variety of teaching jobs, this postulate seems to hold true across the board regardless of grade level, subject, or socioeconomic factors. The key, it seems (and my colleague reiterated in his note) is to pin down the ringleader (s) in the mediocre/painful classes and seize control back from them. It's a tricky business...but it seems the only way.

Anyhow, it's getting late, so I must get to bed. More blogging soon.

My New Face

There's an old teaching axiom that says you must never smile at your students before Christmas. The idea is that after four months or so of consistent seriousness, classroom management ceases to be an issue for the remainder of the year.

Given how cruddy I felt after my first day, I sought out advice on how to remedy the situation and a veteran teacher urged me to reconsider my demeanor towards my students. "You're too nice..." she said. The next day (yesterday), I tried to take her words into account and put on a new persona. Tried to put the fear of God into them from Day 2. And it worked...at least it worked better than the first day. So it may be true after all.

This gives me cause for hope, and also doubt. Hope, because perhaps if I can maintain this new persona consistently for the next few months, I may find I actually enjoy my work. Fear however because despite my experience, I fear that I may not be disciplined enough to keep this new face on for so long.

Newbie

I realized yesterday that so far as teaching is concerned, I am officially no longer a newbie. Yup...two years under my belt. Faced down all kinds of knuckleheads. Wrote some good lessons. All around "been there, done that" kind of life.

So why do I still seem to suck at my job?

I got home yesterday around 6:30, feeling drained and empty. My penultimate class in particular has left me feeling miserable about my job. Nothing like being cussed out and completely ignored. (Example: "Underwood has a no-pass policy so finish your bathroom business before coming to class because I won't be writing you a pass." Ten seconds later... "Can I go to the bathroom?") And meanwhile, everyone else seemed to having a perfectly good day. The new science teacher said it was his best day of teaching ever. After school, I'm wandering the hallways like a goddamned ghost, chatting with other teachers to gauge the seriousness of my problems.

I'm not a newbie. There's no excuse for my failings.

Someone told me I'm too nice. Maybe that's the problem. So I'll try intimidation. Scare tactics. Tales of how 80% of my students failed me because they underestimated my resolve. And maybe a few will care or notice, but the majority probably won't. So what then? Crush them with homework, make them write notes until their knuckles bleed, and call home every night? I mean, I nearly stayed at school past 6 to make calls to every kid in my worst class. If they act out again today, I will make calls. (Seating charts having been made, I can now hammer down who's who...) Should that be if or when?

I'm not a newbie. I can smell the storm on the horizion.

I know what's coming. And I dread it. Because the first day sets the tone. And I screwed up. Not with every class. But with one. And if that one has the potential to make me miserable when only half the kids show up, I dread a classroom full of (ahem) students. My friends say I'm overly critical. My parents say to focus on the positive and deal with what I can control. I say the point is my lack of control...the things I can control on my end, the paperwork and planning...that part's easy. (Well, easier.) The students...I can't manage them effectively.

And it's not because I'm a newbie. I don't have that fall back on anymore.

Now it's just incompetence.

Motivation

Last Friday, while students were still not in attendance at Underwood High, the faculty was told to report instead to another high school along with the faculties of several surrounding schools, for their mandated professional development. Nevermind the fact that no teacher had cleaned up their classrooms. Nope...we had to go to this other school, sign in, grab a corn muffin, and then crowd into the auditorium for a motivational speaker.

This is what the principals of the seven schools involved decided. That discretionary funding would be best spent on a motivational speaker. Fine...I can accept that. It's no more ludicrous than anything else I've seen. I just wish I didn't have to waste two hours of my life pinned to a chair listening to a speaker tell me about how to be a better teacher. The idea was to inspire, to fill us with love for our jobs and for our students. But for some reason all I could think about was how I'd rather be doing something productive. Or how eerily reminiscent the lectures her "bad teacher" example gave sounded like my classroom last year. I left feeling overwhelmed and undermotivated...a frustrating combination.

The upshot of the basically wasted day was that I spent about 7 hours on Saturday cleaning up my classrooms. (Because I still have two!) Things look basically set. A few wires left to tape down, some posters to put up, but otherwise OK. Except that one class is slated to have 38 people. And I really only have 34 desks. Hopefully, those last 4 won't show up.

Another school year begins today. My grandmother says the start of the school year is like the flu. You just have to get over it. But I'm not really worried about the first day. Things generally go fine the first day. It's the other 180+ days that get me. And the bigger question of whether or not this is my career. Forever. And if not, what's next?

In the short term: getting dressed and going to school.
In the long term...who knows?

Ugh.

September is the cruelest month.

[NOTE: The following was typed up yesterday morning, but my Internet was down...or at least my little corner of it was.]

Don’t let the poets tell you otherwise. When it comes to cruelty, September has it over any other competition in the calendar. Now after two full years as a public educator, you would think my skin would have hardened somewhat to the vagaries of the month. But it still stings.

Maybe it’s because once September rolls around, the start of the school year finally becomes real. Up to this point, it’s always been over the horizon, extending its shadow across the bright, happy times in summer. But once the calendar pages turn to September, that’s it. Game over for students and teachers alike.

Ironically despite being viewed by some as a “veteran teacher,” this year my concerns have doubled along with my number of subjects and my number of classrooms. Yes...that’s right. This year, I am going to have two...two...two classrooms! My room for the past two years will serve as home base for my physical science classes, but my chemistry students (including one class of honors...great...) will be experiencing chemistry from the luxury of the school’s physics lab. Yes. Physics lab. For chemistry.

(Non-sequitur: The sun has just risen out my window and damn if it isn’t the most beautiful start one could ask for this day. It looks like the flag of Japan pasted on a purple-grey backdrop. Seriously, I can stare at it without blinking.)

The reason for this anomalous classroom placement is the principal’s desire to avoid intermixing between freshmen and upperclassmen whenever possible. The freshmen are to be restricted to the first two floors. Sophomores, juniors, and seniors stick to the third and fourth floors. This ultimately means a lot more running around on my part, not to mention the inconvenience of ensuring adequate supplies in two classrooms, rather than one. Like overhead projectors. Or computers upon which to keep attendance. And since I’m now teaching multiple grades, report cards and interim reports will be more complicated.

The schedule for this year has some advantages. It’s relatively symmetrical so far as class time goes. I’m going to teach no more than two hours in a row, and I will have adequate time to prep for my chemistry classes. Plus because I’m now forced to float, I may not have a homeroom, which will significantly cut down on administrative paperwork throughout the year. Finally, I have been promised at least two classes (one phys. sci, one chem.) of honors kids, which means that management issues should not be as serious a concern.

Given all that, why am I still dreading the first day with students? Partly, it’s because I’ve seen some of these juniors a few years ago and remember their immaturity. Partly, it’s because these are honors students and I feel like I’m doing them a disservice. No one deserves to have a teacher who has never taught a subject before. And partly...well, I’m going to miss the freedom I have now. This summer I’ve watched dozens of movies, read a bunch of excellent books, finally dominated the Sunday night quiz with its raging round robin (though with a category of recurring Simpsons characters, victory was almost guaranteed from the start), and even got to see a few old friends. I sold my car (goodbye Benmobile Mark II), bought a new one (hello Benmobile Mark III), took 2 teaching exams (scores forthcoming), and attended several professional development conferences. The one thing I didn’t do was travel further than New England or the shore. And I probably should have made time for that since now my life will be dominated once again by the 1.5 mile commute from home to school.

Speaking of which, I should probably bolt.

Will post this later once my Internet is back.