Thursday, December 30, 2004
Cleaning Out the Curiosity Pile #3: "If I was president..."
The final entry in this series of posts dates back to right before the November elections. Unlike some schools, Underwood happened to be open for Election Day proper and in honor of the occasion I attempted to give my students some background into the democratic process by teaching them about polling. In actuality, this was yet another cunning attempt on my part to slip some new scientific knowledge into their brains since polling (a.k.a. sampling) is a crucial part of the research process. As mentioned in a November post, the lesson proved less than effective...I never even got to do my simulated phone poll! However, there was one upside...this paper written by one of my more dedicated students about how she would run the country if she were commander in chief. Where the other two entries from the Curiosity Pile were disillusioning or disheartening, this one is rather inspirational:
Anyhow, that's all for the curiosity pile. Stay tuned for the results of the movie quote contest, New Year's resolutions, and some new additions to the Invisible Blogroll!
The final entry in this series of posts dates back to right before the November elections. Unlike some schools, Underwood happened to be open for Election Day proper and in honor of the occasion I attempted to give my students some background into the democratic process by teaching them about polling. In actuality, this was yet another cunning attempt on my part to slip some new scientific knowledge into their brains since polling (a.k.a. sampling) is a crucial part of the research process. As mentioned in a November post, the lesson proved less than effective...I never even got to do my simulated phone poll! However, there was one upside...this paper written by one of my more dedicated students about how she would run the country if she were commander in chief. Where the other two entries from the Curiosity Pile were disillusioning or disheartening, this one is rather inspirational:
- If I was president I would make homes for the homeless.
- I would lower taxes.
- I would make more after-school activies so the children wouldn't be on the street.
- I would lower property taxes.
- lower health insurance.
- Try to make peace with other countries.
- I would try to lower the age of voting rights from 18 to 15.
- Make the education easier to learn.
- Get the drug dealers off the streets.
- Try to prevent war.
- Lower gas pollution.
- Try to keep America safe.
Anyhow, that's all for the curiosity pile. Stay tuned for the results of the movie quote contest, New Year's resolutions, and some new additions to the Invisible Blogroll!
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Cleaning Out the Curiosity Pile #2: Separation of Church and State
Continuing in my quest towards greater apartmental organization, I stumbled upon a khaki (or is that a color used only for clothing--if so, just insert the word "tan") piece of paper with the Underwood High School daily announcements printed on it. This is the daily bulletin from December 15. Traditionally, the Daily Bulletin is intended to supplement the morning announcements so that teachers can receive information which is not spoken over the loudspeaker. Since students, not just in my homeroom, but in every homeroom, are noisy during announcements, frequently this paper hascome to replace them, at least in those rooms whose teachers remember to pick them up. Normally I get mine after advisory because they generally aren't out for the day when I go sign in at the office around 7 in the morning.
In any case, the announcements themselves are boring...which is why I've never really posted about them before. Who cares about night school enrollment deadlines or class ring deposits? Ok...you might, but most of us don't. However, at the top of each day's bulletin there's a "Daily Word", an inspirational cliche to help teachers and students alike get through the day. Normally, these are pretty generic, but check out the one for December 15:
DAILY WORD: REGARDLESS OF YOUR ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENTS, SPEND TIME WITH GOD.
Don't take this as a critique of organized religion...but is this an appropriate thing to have on top of a school sponsored bulletin? It isn't a prayer per se, or even an assertion in favor of a particular religious philosophy (as it might have been if it said "Spend time with Jesus."), but something about it draws out the skeptic in me. I'm not sure who writes these things, but I'm definitely going to have to keep an eye out for similar ones in the future.
Continuing in my quest towards greater apartmental organization, I stumbled upon a khaki (or is that a color used only for clothing--if so, just insert the word "tan") piece of paper with the Underwood High School daily announcements printed on it. This is the daily bulletin from December 15. Traditionally, the Daily Bulletin is intended to supplement the morning announcements so that teachers can receive information which is not spoken over the loudspeaker. Since students, not just in my homeroom, but in every homeroom, are noisy during announcements, frequently this paper hascome to replace them, at least in those rooms whose teachers remember to pick them up. Normally I get mine after advisory because they generally aren't out for the day when I go sign in at the office around 7 in the morning.
In any case, the announcements themselves are boring...which is why I've never really posted about them before. Who cares about night school enrollment deadlines or class ring deposits? Ok...you might, but most of us don't. However, at the top of each day's bulletin there's a "Daily Word", an inspirational cliche to help teachers and students alike get through the day. Normally, these are pretty generic, but check out the one for December 15:
DAILY WORD: REGARDLESS OF YOUR ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENTS, SPEND TIME WITH GOD.
Don't take this as a critique of organized religion...but is this an appropriate thing to have on top of a school sponsored bulletin? It isn't a prayer per se, or even an assertion in favor of a particular religious philosophy (as it might have been if it said "Spend time with Jesus."), but something about it draws out the skeptic in me. I'm not sure who writes these things, but I'm definitely going to have to keep an eye out for similar ones in the future.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Cleaning Out the Curiosity Pile #1: "The Cops Are Outside"
This weekend my father and sister dropped by to visit. Partly in preparation for the occasion, and partly due to the need to clean up for an impromptu dinner party in honor of my grandmother's birthday, I had the chance to sift through a lot of papers that I had brought home from school for various reasons, and not just the typical ones like grading or filing. Nope...there were a few rare and interesting papers in there that I thought merited closer examination. Let's examine the first one together, shall we? (Why not?)
The first paper in the pile is folded tightly into quarters. Upon unfolding, one notices the paper is divided into two parts. The top third or so is a photocopy of an old Family Circus cartoon, one of those Sunday cartoons that goes on beyond the regular single circle/panel. It is dated "Sunday, September 10, 2000" at the top in small capital letters. Unlike a regular Family Circus (or its ever-popular Dysfunctional online variant) this cartoon has no dialogue or caption to speak of. It appears a teacher has deliberately eliminated them leaving empty speech bubbles behind for students to fill in. Underneath the cartoon, and taking up the rest of the page, are a series of empty lines where students are expected to narrate their version of the cartoon after completing the phantom discussion between the characters.
The student who finished this exercise left it conveniently anonymous and if I were slightly more tech-savvy (and less afraid of King Features Syndicate prosecuting me for potential copyright violation), I would eventually like to post this cartoon online with the student-provided dialogue. For now, I'll just post the narration as an interesting commentary on how my students might view a given scenario differently than from what I, or more likely, Bil Keane, might expect.
(narration)
"The cops are outside", replied grandma.
"Why are they outside", said Billy.
"I think they broke in someones house", answered grandma.
"they didn't break in this house because we don't have nothing," replied Jeffy.
(/narration)
NB: Only Jeffy and Grandma are pictured in the cartoon.
This weekend my father and sister dropped by to visit. Partly in preparation for the occasion, and partly due to the need to clean up for an impromptu dinner party in honor of my grandmother's birthday, I had the chance to sift through a lot of papers that I had brought home from school for various reasons, and not just the typical ones like grading or filing. Nope...there were a few rare and interesting papers in there that I thought merited closer examination. Let's examine the first one together, shall we? (Why not?)
The first paper in the pile is folded tightly into quarters. Upon unfolding, one notices the paper is divided into two parts. The top third or so is a photocopy of an old Family Circus cartoon, one of those Sunday cartoons that goes on beyond the regular single circle/panel. It is dated "Sunday, September 10, 2000" at the top in small capital letters. Unlike a regular Family Circus (or its ever-popular Dysfunctional online variant) this cartoon has no dialogue or caption to speak of. It appears a teacher has deliberately eliminated them leaving empty speech bubbles behind for students to fill in. Underneath the cartoon, and taking up the rest of the page, are a series of empty lines where students are expected to narrate their version of the cartoon after completing the phantom discussion between the characters.
The student who finished this exercise left it conveniently anonymous and if I were slightly more tech-savvy (and less afraid of King Features Syndicate prosecuting me for potential copyright violation), I would eventually like to post this cartoon online with the student-provided dialogue. For now, I'll just post the narration as an interesting commentary on how my students might view a given scenario differently than from what I, or more likely, Bil Keane, might expect.
(narration)
"The cops are outside", replied grandma.
"Why are they outside", said Billy.
"I think they broke in someones house", answered grandma.
"they didn't break in this house because we don't have nothing," replied Jeffy.
(/narration)
NB: Only Jeffy and Grandma are pictured in the cartoon.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Unsichtbarben Rennt
Upon the request of my relatives, who heard the following story over a deli lunch this afternoon, an expansion upon an event mentioned in my previous post, namely how I was placed in the unenviable position of organizing the logistics of an assembly for the entire 9th grade.
To begin with, you should know that Underwood High School is divided, like many schools throughout The City, into a series of small learning communities also referred to as "academies." This organizational configuration subdivides the teaching staff and administration into smaller, theoretically more managable units and provides the possibility for specialization. Hence the existence of a Business Academy (to prepare students for a career in business), a Health Academy (to prepare students for a career in health related fields), or the Scholars' Academy (for those students deemed based on test scores, etc. to have a possible future in the wide world of academia). Since arriving at Underwood last fall, I have been a proud member of the 9th Grade Success Academy, which really is more of a catchall for all the ninth grade teachers rather than providing some specialized career focus. (like preparing students for a career in...success? in 9th grade? what do you think?)
The head of the 9th grade academy is one stressed out lady. And trust me, gentle readers, I do not make this assertion lightly. To lend some perspective, imagine all of the discipline issues I have ever mentioned on this blog since its inception. The cussing, the fighting, the thrown objects, the defiance, the name-calling, the bullying, the theft, and so on and so on and so on. Now imagine having to deal with all the boring administrative paperwork necessary to deal with about 20X the number of violations and you have an idea of what the head of the 9th grade academy is dealing with everyday. She has said on multiple occasions she would rather be doing other things than serve as a disciplinarian, but the job requires it, especially this year. This year, the ninth graders have become much more disruptive as a class--the amount of violent incidents among freshmen, for example, has skyrocketed--and everyone was feeling the stress by the time last week rolled around.
So like a good leader, the 9th grade academy leader decided it would be a great idea to hold a party for the rest of the 9th grade teachers. She contacted one of the English teachers and sent around a signup sheet to gauge interest. Obviously, the opportunity to avoid teaching class one day during a shortened, almost certainly stressful week, and instead chat with colleagues over holiday snacks held some appeal, so quickly the list filled up. What would we do with the students? Simple...stick them in the auditorium and have them watch a movie! It sounded like a perfect plan.
And this was the way things stood until Wednesday, the day of the event. Arriving at the school early, I dropped by the room of my friend the English teacher/organizer of the party. She had obtained some movies on tape for the kids, simple but fun like Drumline, Bringin' Down the House, or for that authentic holiday flare, Elf. But she was uncertain as to certain details that had me concerned. Little stuff like when would the assembly start--the last period of the day or the next to last? Also, how was the movie to be shown? If a video projector was needed, I could obtain one, but only if informed sufficiently in advance. Oh, and what about sound?--my little projector, or even the science department's televisions would not prove sufficiently powerful for an audience of 550 kids!
We had no answers here, so we went off in search of our academy leader...who had somehow disappeared. She was off doing some sort of paperwork most of the morning, so our concerns had to wait. I gave my class a quiz on environmental science (finally done with that damn unit...stupid nature!) and smiled through advisory before running off 2nd period in search of my fearless leader for some sort of guidance. First, down to her office. No luck. Then off to the main office. No one there. A quick check with the party organizer suggested that she was in the building, but perhaps still working on that aforementioned paperwork. I decided to make some inquiries into my other questions and check back later. A quick run to the 4th floor to check with the school's sound tech suggested that things might not be as straightforward as originally implied? Because despite earlier assurances that the auditorium had been reserved for the ninth graders, the Scholars Academy had laid claim to it as well and would be holding a ceremony last period that day to celebrate its perfect attendance and honor roll students. Which was all well and good, but that would mean we'd have to teach 8th and 9th period! And the assembly would be cancelled! And my homemade chocolate raspberry fudge made special for the party? WASTED! Not cool.
I bolted down a floor to the Scholars' Academy office, confirmed the auditorium reservation, and then set off in a mad quest to find my academy leader. I stopped by every conceivable place I could think of...the library, my classroom, her office (at least 5 times!)...on and on and on. She would not stay still. She would not answer her walkie-talkie or her office phone. At one point, the party organizer actually did get her on the line, and confirmed that the assembly was still on. She made her aware of the location shift, and we started work to find a new venue...the options were slim: either the gym or the cafeteria. In the meanwhile, guess who had been giving the task of handling the remaining logistics? The one guy who knew about all the technology involved and actually had the stubborn wherewithal to assemble them into a working whole...me.
But this was not good. The assembly was scheduled for 1:00. I found out I was fully responsible at...10:45, halfway into my 3rd period class. My academy leader contacted me to let me know that the gym had granted her permission to use the space and that she would cover my class after lunch (between 12 and 1) so that I'd have basically 1.5 hr. straight of prep time. But would this be enough? Well...let's cover the bases:
Not that anyone could tell because the windows in the gym could not be closed and the room remained very bright. But the sound was phenomenal! And I felt tired, and exhausted, and stressed...but the job was done and to the best of my ability too. Everything came together despite the miserable delegation of responsibility from my academy leader and the lack of coordination from the rest of the staff. But it worked and we all snacked on homemade (and not so homemade) holiday goodies for the rest of the afternoon. And you know what? I think the kids liked it too. Except for the fight which broke out around 20 minutes before the end of the day...which I suppose is a bit symbolic in its own way.
My legs are still sore from all the running I did that Wednesday around the building. I really should invest in a pedometer...
Upon the request of my relatives, who heard the following story over a deli lunch this afternoon, an expansion upon an event mentioned in my previous post, namely how I was placed in the unenviable position of organizing the logistics of an assembly for the entire 9th grade.
To begin with, you should know that Underwood High School is divided, like many schools throughout The City, into a series of small learning communities also referred to as "academies." This organizational configuration subdivides the teaching staff and administration into smaller, theoretically more managable units and provides the possibility for specialization. Hence the existence of a Business Academy (to prepare students for a career in business), a Health Academy (to prepare students for a career in health related fields), or the Scholars' Academy (for those students deemed based on test scores, etc. to have a possible future in the wide world of academia). Since arriving at Underwood last fall, I have been a proud member of the 9th Grade Success Academy, which really is more of a catchall for all the ninth grade teachers rather than providing some specialized career focus. (like preparing students for a career in...success? in 9th grade? what do you think?)
The head of the 9th grade academy is one stressed out lady. And trust me, gentle readers, I do not make this assertion lightly. To lend some perspective, imagine all of the discipline issues I have ever mentioned on this blog since its inception. The cussing, the fighting, the thrown objects, the defiance, the name-calling, the bullying, the theft, and so on and so on and so on. Now imagine having to deal with all the boring administrative paperwork necessary to deal with about 20X the number of violations and you have an idea of what the head of the 9th grade academy is dealing with everyday. She has said on multiple occasions she would rather be doing other things than serve as a disciplinarian, but the job requires it, especially this year. This year, the ninth graders have become much more disruptive as a class--the amount of violent incidents among freshmen, for example, has skyrocketed--and everyone was feeling the stress by the time last week rolled around.
So like a good leader, the 9th grade academy leader decided it would be a great idea to hold a party for the rest of the 9th grade teachers. She contacted one of the English teachers and sent around a signup sheet to gauge interest. Obviously, the opportunity to avoid teaching class one day during a shortened, almost certainly stressful week, and instead chat with colleagues over holiday snacks held some appeal, so quickly the list filled up. What would we do with the students? Simple...stick them in the auditorium and have them watch a movie! It sounded like a perfect plan.
And this was the way things stood until Wednesday, the day of the event. Arriving at the school early, I dropped by the room of my friend the English teacher/organizer of the party. She had obtained some movies on tape for the kids, simple but fun like Drumline, Bringin' Down the House, or for that authentic holiday flare, Elf. But she was uncertain as to certain details that had me concerned. Little stuff like when would the assembly start--the last period of the day or the next to last? Also, how was the movie to be shown? If a video projector was needed, I could obtain one, but only if informed sufficiently in advance. Oh, and what about sound?--my little projector, or even the science department's televisions would not prove sufficiently powerful for an audience of 550 kids!
We had no answers here, so we went off in search of our academy leader...who had somehow disappeared. She was off doing some sort of paperwork most of the morning, so our concerns had to wait. I gave my class a quiz on environmental science (finally done with that damn unit...stupid nature!) and smiled through advisory before running off 2nd period in search of my fearless leader for some sort of guidance. First, down to her office. No luck. Then off to the main office. No one there. A quick check with the party organizer suggested that she was in the building, but perhaps still working on that aforementioned paperwork. I decided to make some inquiries into my other questions and check back later. A quick run to the 4th floor to check with the school's sound tech suggested that things might not be as straightforward as originally implied? Because despite earlier assurances that the auditorium had been reserved for the ninth graders, the Scholars Academy had laid claim to it as well and would be holding a ceremony last period that day to celebrate its perfect attendance and honor roll students. Which was all well and good, but that would mean we'd have to teach 8th and 9th period! And the assembly would be cancelled! And my homemade chocolate raspberry fudge made special for the party? WASTED! Not cool.
I bolted down a floor to the Scholars' Academy office, confirmed the auditorium reservation, and then set off in a mad quest to find my academy leader. I stopped by every conceivable place I could think of...the library, my classroom, her office (at least 5 times!)...on and on and on. She would not stay still. She would not answer her walkie-talkie or her office phone. At one point, the party organizer actually did get her on the line, and confirmed that the assembly was still on. She made her aware of the location shift, and we started work to find a new venue...the options were slim: either the gym or the cafeteria. In the meanwhile, guess who had been giving the task of handling the remaining logistics? The one guy who knew about all the technology involved and actually had the stubborn wherewithal to assemble them into a working whole...me.
But this was not good. The assembly was scheduled for 1:00. I found out I was fully responsible at...10:45, halfway into my 3rd period class. My academy leader contacted me to let me know that the gym had granted her permission to use the space and that she would cover my class after lunch (between 12 and 1) so that I'd have basically 1.5 hr. straight of prep time. But would this be enough? Well...let's cover the bases:
- Video Projection: The first and most difficult aspect of this whole affair would be to obtain a projector and screen to allow for video display. Although, as I had mentioned, I did have access to both a rearview projection TV and a screen, I was not relishing the idea of detaching the former from my home entertainment system and bringing the whole thing into school. Plus, I knew that someone in the building had to have an LCD projector, after all..we had watched power point presentations on a big screen during professional development. So I started a mad quest up and down the 3rd and 4th floors checking with social studies teachers (who were kindly and sympathetic, but said no), business teachers (unkind and unsympathetic...also saying no), and science teachers (kind and sympathetic...and said yes!) finally finding an available projector from the science department's resident computer goddess and technical wizard. And all seemed well and good.
- Video Playback: The projector provided was a wonderful piece of hardware, but it had one major drawback. It was designed to work with computers. In otherwords, if I could find a laptop, it could certainly project anything on it onto a screen. And if that laptop happened to be playing a DVD...well, that led to two issues. First, all the movies my colleagues had arranged earlier were on VHS tape, not DVD. And second, where the heck was I going to find a laptop? Fortunately, a quick solution came up for hte latter...use the 9th grade academy's powerful iBook computers, which my academy leader swore were capable of playing DVDs...
- Sound System: Fortunately I happen to be friends with the Scholars Academy department head and was able to convince her that the sound system should really be moved to the gym because after all there would be a basketball game down there later and oh yes, the auditorium, having been closed off due to collapsing ceiling issues, was a relativley small space so big speakers really weren't too necessary. She was also kind enough to provide her screen, a six foot beauty with a nice tripod which allowed for adjustable height, something with which mine would have slightly more difficulty.
- The movie: As soon as my after lunch class was covered, I bolted to Blockbuster and obtained the newly released DVD of Spiderman 2. Everyone loves stylized violence and 8 limbed supervillains.
Not that anyone could tell because the windows in the gym could not be closed and the room remained very bright. But the sound was phenomenal! And I felt tired, and exhausted, and stressed...but the job was done and to the best of my ability too. Everything came together despite the miserable delegation of responsibility from my academy leader and the lack of coordination from the rest of the staff. But it worked and we all snacked on homemade (and not so homemade) holiday goodies for the rest of the afternoon. And you know what? I think the kids liked it too. Except for the fight which broke out around 20 minutes before the end of the day...which I suppose is a bit symbolic in its own way.
My legs are still sore from all the running I did that Wednesday around the building. I really should invest in a pedometer...
Friday, December 24, 2004
Fender Bender
What could make a busy and stressful week any more complete?
Setting up an assembly for all of Underwood's 9th graders? Done that.
Chaperoning a field trip to the bowling alley for upperclassmen? Done that too.
Cleaned up my apartment for visit from relatives? Oh yes...
Getting into an automobile accident? Nope...hadn't done that.
Until Thursday evening.
It was nothing too serious, and thankfully no one was hurt, but the Invisible Ben-mobile took a dent to the fender, bending it (what else?) such that the driver's side front door wasn't opening properly. Fortunately the body shop was able to pop out the frame and now the door closes and opens fine. So hopefully this is a cheap lesson. Hopefully.
Anyhow, if you're wondering why I didn't blog in more detail about any of the events above...or anything else for that matter during the past few days, now you know.
By the by, for those so inclined, The French Connection is running a nice little thread for those with guesses on the movie quote contest. Just click on the comments on the top post and add your guesses. I'll read 'em over my traditional Christmas dinner of General Tso's Chicken.
What could make a busy and stressful week any more complete?
Setting up an assembly for all of Underwood's 9th graders? Done that.
Chaperoning a field trip to the bowling alley for upperclassmen? Done that too.
Cleaned up my apartment for visit from relatives? Oh yes...
Getting into an automobile accident? Nope...hadn't done that.
Until Thursday evening.
It was nothing too serious, and thankfully no one was hurt, but the Invisible Ben-mobile took a dent to the fender, bending it (what else?) such that the driver's side front door wasn't opening properly. Fortunately the body shop was able to pop out the frame and now the door closes and opens fine. So hopefully this is a cheap lesson. Hopefully.
Anyhow, if you're wondering why I didn't blog in more detail about any of the events above...or anything else for that matter during the past few days, now you know.
By the by, for those so inclined, The French Connection is running a nice little thread for those with guesses on the movie quote contest. Just click on the comments on the top post and add your guesses. I'll read 'em over my traditional Christmas dinner of General Tso's Chicken.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Cold in the Head
Underwood is an old school, so I suppose it's understandable that the heating system originally constructed in the 1920s has trouble effectively warming the whole building. Still, it was rather disheartening on Monday morning to go to the third floor staff lavatory and discover that the water in the toilet bowl had frozen solid.
The half inch of snow we got on Sunday doesn't make the cold worth it.
For now, just fighting to Friday.
Underwood is an old school, so I suppose it's understandable that the heating system originally constructed in the 1920s has trouble effectively warming the whole building. Still, it was rather disheartening on Monday morning to go to the third floor staff lavatory and discover that the water in the toilet bowl had frozen solid.
The half inch of snow we got on Sunday doesn't make the cold worth it.
For now, just fighting to Friday.
FMI...
Just for my information...does anyone know where the Kellogg cereal Product 19 got its name?
I had thought it was because it had 19 different vitamins and minerals or something like that, but this doesn't appear to be the case.
I dunno...I'm just curious.
Just for my information...does anyone know where the Kellogg cereal Product 19 got its name?
I had thought it was because it had 19 different vitamins and minerals or something like that, but this doesn't appear to be the case.
I dunno...I'm just curious.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Two-Face
So I introduced a good friend of mine to my Batman: The Animated Series DVDs the other night. He had never seen the show while the episodes were on television, and I decided to show him one we had frequently referenced in a different context, namely the two-part origin of everyone's favorite schizophrenic district attorney: Two-Face. (FYI--We used the term in a Seinfeldian manner, to describe a girl whose appearance ranged from very attractive to quite off-putting depending on the situation.) I watched his reactions as he watched all the classic moments...
"All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative."
"Oh, Mr. Dent! I want you to know that I voted for you two times!
Well ma'am, I trust it was in two separate elections?"
"There's just one problem."
"What's that?"
"You're talkin' to the wrong Harvey."
"This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos...just like me."
"The law!? Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer!"
WOW...my friend said. It's an existential cartoon. And the more I watch these old episodes, the more I'm inclined to agree. How many cartoons nowadays will throw around the word "dichotomy" in regular conversation? Very few, I'd wager. Nothing beats the classics....nothing.
So I introduced a good friend of mine to my Batman: The Animated Series DVDs the other night. He had never seen the show while the episodes were on television, and I decided to show him one we had frequently referenced in a different context, namely the two-part origin of everyone's favorite schizophrenic district attorney: Two-Face. (FYI--We used the term in a Seinfeldian manner, to describe a girl whose appearance ranged from very attractive to quite off-putting depending on the situation.) I watched his reactions as he watched all the classic moments...
"All men have something to hide. The brighter the picture, the darker the negative."
"Oh, Mr. Dent! I want you to know that I voted for you two times!
Well ma'am, I trust it was in two separate elections?"
"There's just one problem."
"What's that?"
"You're talkin' to the wrong Harvey."
"This is my world now. A dichotomy of order and chaos...just like me."
"The law!? Here's the only law! The law of averages! The great equalizer!"
WOW...my friend said. It's an existential cartoon. And the more I watch these old episodes, the more I'm inclined to agree. How many cartoons nowadays will throw around the word "dichotomy" in regular conversation? Very few, I'd wager. Nothing beats the classics....nothing.
The dollar bill is trying to tell me something...
I never got around to seeing the movie National Treasure, in spite of the disruption caused along my old commute due to filming. Despite my love of conspiracy theories, references to Freemasonry, and Nicholas Cage's unique ability to appear deeply excited about anything, I saw very little reason to shill out $6.50 for a matinee just to learn that the Declaration of Independence had a message smeared on its back in lemon juice.
And yet the movie regained some relevance the other day when, tired and depressed I got into a conversation with my old friend the Dean of Students. As the school's Chief Disciplinarian, he's seen everything and I thought he could give me some insight or inspiration with which to approach my students' generally miserable behavior. I explained my problem, told him I didn't know why it was wroth coming in when they transfer my smart kids into different classes and leave only the fools behind.
"You ever look at a dollar bill, Mr. _______?" he asked me after a moment.
"You mean, the one dollar bill?" I said with some hesitation.
"Yeah, the one dollar bill. Do you know what's written on the back?"
I had to think for a second, but my colleague soon explained. And what he said made so much sense, I've basically adopted it as my new educational mantra. In point of fact, I feel it could be the de facto mantra of every teacher in the urban district where I work, and perhaps even those in surrounding suburbs. Because despite the headaches and frustrations, perhaps there is one. Just one student out of the masses of squirming, twitching, profane jerks who populate my classroom who will get something from me. And that might make it all worth while.
Out of the many, one.
E. Pluribus. Unum.
I never got around to seeing the movie National Treasure, in spite of the disruption caused along my old commute due to filming. Despite my love of conspiracy theories, references to Freemasonry, and Nicholas Cage's unique ability to appear deeply excited about anything, I saw very little reason to shill out $6.50 for a matinee just to learn that the Declaration of Independence had a message smeared on its back in lemon juice.
And yet the movie regained some relevance the other day when, tired and depressed I got into a conversation with my old friend the Dean of Students. As the school's Chief Disciplinarian, he's seen everything and I thought he could give me some insight or inspiration with which to approach my students' generally miserable behavior. I explained my problem, told him I didn't know why it was wroth coming in when they transfer my smart kids into different classes and leave only the fools behind.
"You ever look at a dollar bill, Mr. _______?" he asked me after a moment.
"You mean, the one dollar bill?" I said with some hesitation.
"Yeah, the one dollar bill. Do you know what's written on the back?"
I had to think for a second, but my colleague soon explained. And what he said made so much sense, I've basically adopted it as my new educational mantra. In point of fact, I feel it could be the de facto mantra of every teacher in the urban district where I work, and perhaps even those in surrounding suburbs. Because despite the headaches and frustrations, perhaps there is one. Just one student out of the masses of squirming, twitching, profane jerks who populate my classroom who will get something from me. And that might make it all worth while.
Out of the many, one.
E. Pluribus. Unum.
Michener: $4/pound
In the back of my classroom, there is a little bookshelf which I placed in the corner to cover the hole in the wall. Actually, only the bottom half of the whole is covered. The top half remained exposed for a little while at the beginning of last year until I covered it with red paper and a map of the world. The bookshelf's actual shelves are missing their brackets, so it's not so much a series of shelves as an empty metal box. But this has not stopped me from filling it with books. In fact, when the school library cleaned out its duplicate volumes and older texts, I scoured through and picked up a few choice tomes in case my students felt like reading. Perhaps the thickest of these was a copy of James Michener's novel Caribbean.
I have never read this book, or any of Michener's ligher classics not so much out of a lack of interest, but mostly due to a lack of time. His geographically themed volumes are several hundred pages longer than a typical novel and with graduate school and everything else on my plate recently, I've never really made time for Michener. And of course, due to a lack of interest and a lack of reading ability, neither have my students. But I keep the book there just the same. In its review of the book, Publisher's Weekly commented that "While the pace is sometimes achingly slow, the dialogue stilted and the characterization skimpy, Michener laces the whole with fiery Caribbean drama."
Which I suppose is about appropriate for how it was used in my room last Thursday, when one of my students decided to use it as a projectile weapon. Now you don't have to be a physics teacher to know that a large hardcover book (assume at least 600 pages...it's 830+ in the paperback edition) would hurt if you threw it at someone. But now make it a point blank shot, aimed at the groin of the opponent...and well, let's just say you get a whole new appreciation for heavy literature.
I had no idea what to do, to be honest. Both students claimed the other one provoked him and that was why they were playing around in my room last period instead of, you know, sitting down and doing their work. I suspended both kids. We'll see how well they argue their sides of the argument in front of me and their parents. They'll likely have a string of excuses as long as a Michener monologue...but that does not mean anything to me. And I hope it means equally little to their families.
In the back of my classroom, there is a little bookshelf which I placed in the corner to cover the hole in the wall. Actually, only the bottom half of the whole is covered. The top half remained exposed for a little while at the beginning of last year until I covered it with red paper and a map of the world. The bookshelf's actual shelves are missing their brackets, so it's not so much a series of shelves as an empty metal box. But this has not stopped me from filling it with books. In fact, when the school library cleaned out its duplicate volumes and older texts, I scoured through and picked up a few choice tomes in case my students felt like reading. Perhaps the thickest of these was a copy of James Michener's novel Caribbean.
I have never read this book, or any of Michener's ligher classics not so much out of a lack of interest, but mostly due to a lack of time. His geographically themed volumes are several hundred pages longer than a typical novel and with graduate school and everything else on my plate recently, I've never really made time for Michener. And of course, due to a lack of interest and a lack of reading ability, neither have my students. But I keep the book there just the same. In its review of the book, Publisher's Weekly commented that "While the pace is sometimes achingly slow, the dialogue stilted and the characterization skimpy, Michener laces the whole with fiery Caribbean drama."
Which I suppose is about appropriate for how it was used in my room last Thursday, when one of my students decided to use it as a projectile weapon. Now you don't have to be a physics teacher to know that a large hardcover book (assume at least 600 pages...it's 830+ in the paperback edition) would hurt if you threw it at someone. But now make it a point blank shot, aimed at the groin of the opponent...and well, let's just say you get a whole new appreciation for heavy literature.
I had no idea what to do, to be honest. Both students claimed the other one provoked him and that was why they were playing around in my room last period instead of, you know, sitting down and doing their work. I suspended both kids. We'll see how well they argue their sides of the argument in front of me and their parents. They'll likely have a string of excuses as long as a Michener monologue...but that does not mean anything to me. And I hope it means equally little to their families.
Excuse me...may I leave the room? My brain is full!
So many stories to tell, so little time. I'm going to try to separate these out into separate posts...but there's so much on my mind right now, I'm not sure where to begin.
So many stories to tell, so little time. I'm going to try to separate these out into separate posts...but there's so much on my mind right now, I'm not sure where to begin.
Monday, December 13, 2004
On top of creation
So this is an old story, but an interesting one.
Last week, I started teaching my students about the Big Bang. They still had some trouble wrapping their brains around the idea of a light year. No no, I'd say...it's a unit of distance. Not a unit of time. You can't say someone is 14 light years old...that would be like saying they were 14 miles old and what does that mean? But having established that light takes time to get from Point A to Point B and that the further away you look in space the further back in time one is seeing, talking about the origins of the universe seemed only logical.
The problem is that some of my students are religious. Vehemently so, to the point where they will become quite agitated should you suggest that the Biblical version of events is not quite true. (e.g. How did the solar system form? ...Well, God is certainly one option...) So to be extra safe, I prefaced my discussion by saying that there are many views on how the universe began, and I am by law forbidden from teaching some of these ideas due to separation of church and state and if they watned to learn more about those they should ask their families or religious leaders. (Even if it might be possible to have a legitimate debate, in this case, I figured it was better to skirt the issue.) Sadly my attempt to skirt the issue only made things worse, at least in one class when a young lady got positively annoyed that I could only teach one side of the story. She was kind enough to let me present my evidence though, but at the end of class got annoyed that this was the version that scientists felt was "true". Couldn't the Bible also be true?
"Well, I said...if all it took to get you engaged in class was a little of the old science v. religion debate, I should have started bringing this sort of thing up a lot earlier!"
Then I gave the standard "maybe" answer and noted for the umpteenth time that this was what scientists believed based on the current facts and observations available. And that settled the issue until after the bell when she asked if she could ask mea personal question, and I very foolishly said yes...
"Do you believe in God?"
A tricky question...but i gave her my honest answer, which is perhaps. I've heard good arguments on each side of the debate and it remains a challenge to take either side.
Then she asked another question..."Do you believe in a million dollars?"
Now this one threw me. What was she getting at...?
"Do you mean like does a million dollars exist?" I asked...she nodded in reply.
AHA! Now I got it. If I claimed an uncertainty as to the existence of God but professed certainty in the existence of money then I would be lending validation to her implicit argument that I was a godless scientist out to overturn the Bible.
"This is one of those trick questions, isn't it?" I said smiling coyly...and then returned to my room to prepare for the next period.
So this is an old story, but an interesting one.
Last week, I started teaching my students about the Big Bang. They still had some trouble wrapping their brains around the idea of a light year. No no, I'd say...it's a unit of distance. Not a unit of time. You can't say someone is 14 light years old...that would be like saying they were 14 miles old and what does that mean? But having established that light takes time to get from Point A to Point B and that the further away you look in space the further back in time one is seeing, talking about the origins of the universe seemed only logical.
The problem is that some of my students are religious. Vehemently so, to the point where they will become quite agitated should you suggest that the Biblical version of events is not quite true. (e.g. How did the solar system form? ...Well, God is certainly one option...) So to be extra safe, I prefaced my discussion by saying that there are many views on how the universe began, and I am by law forbidden from teaching some of these ideas due to separation of church and state and if they watned to learn more about those they should ask their families or religious leaders. (Even if it might be possible to have a legitimate debate, in this case, I figured it was better to skirt the issue.) Sadly my attempt to skirt the issue only made things worse, at least in one class when a young lady got positively annoyed that I could only teach one side of the story. She was kind enough to let me present my evidence though, but at the end of class got annoyed that this was the version that scientists felt was "true". Couldn't the Bible also be true?
"Well, I said...if all it took to get you engaged in class was a little of the old science v. religion debate, I should have started bringing this sort of thing up a lot earlier!"
Then I gave the standard "maybe" answer and noted for the umpteenth time that this was what scientists believed based on the current facts and observations available. And that settled the issue until after the bell when she asked if she could ask mea personal question, and I very foolishly said yes...
"Do you believe in God?"
A tricky question...but i gave her my honest answer, which is perhaps. I've heard good arguments on each side of the debate and it remains a challenge to take either side.
Then she asked another question..."Do you believe in a million dollars?"
Now this one threw me. What was she getting at...?
"Do you mean like does a million dollars exist?" I asked...she nodded in reply.
AHA! Now I got it. If I claimed an uncertainty as to the existence of God but professed certainty in the existence of money then I would be lending validation to her implicit argument that I was a godless scientist out to overturn the Bible.
"This is one of those trick questions, isn't it?" I said smiling coyly...and then returned to my room to prepare for the next period.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
The Movie Quote Contest Returns!
Ladies and gentlemen...I've been so stressed of late that I haven't been posting as much. I admit it. No apologies, no regrets...but, accept this oh desperate readers as a peace offering of sorts. The return of the annual Invisible Ben Movie Quote Contest! How many of these quotes can you place?
Answers will be up around New Year's.
1. In fact the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away.
2. My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know.
3. And now, ladies and gentlemen, before I tell you any more, I'm going to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld. He was a king and a god in the world he knew, but now he comes to civilization merely a captive--a show to gratify your curiosity.
4. How far is it to Winnipeg from Montreal?
5. Here you go. The killer's a literature professor. He cuts off little chunks from his victims' bodies until they die. He calls himself "the deconstructionist.”
6. Hey, that ain't ours!
Sure it is.
But we come in this one.
That don't mean we have to go home in it!
7. Become vengeance, David. Become wrath.
8. Because you're on television, dummy. Sixty million people watch you every night of the week, Monday through Friday.
9. Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.
10. Guns for show, knives for a pro.
11. Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.
12. Metaman - express elevator! Dynaguy - snagged on takeoff! Splashdown - sucked into a vortex! NO CAPES!
13. Twenty million people died defeating that son of a bitch, and he's our first ambassador to outer space?
14. Did you know that Eleanor Roosevelt gave Lou Gehrig the clap?
15. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent? He's weak, he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race
16. What was I supposed to do...call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others?
17. What does God need with a starship?
18. Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't.
19. That's the machine that goes “ping.”
20. Not strong enough, yet. Well, I will be soon enough. Until then... I'll let Jason have some fun.
21. How’s that for a bit of fried gold?
22. It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
23. You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
24. If it's secret and elite, it can't be good.
25. Home is behind, the world ahead.
And there are many paths to tread.
Through shadow to the edge of night.
Until the stars are all alight.
Mist and shadow.
Cloud and shade.
All shall fade. All shall fade.
26. No shooting friends, Joseph!
27. Look how she moves! That's just like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!
28. Do you consider the eating of oysters to be moral and the eating of snails to be immoral?
29. I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no."
30. Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great World War II," you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled shit in Louisiana."
31. Henry's bed is Henry's province, he may people it with sheep if he wishes. Which upon occasion he has done.
32. Well, can't he just beam up?
This is reality, Greg.
33. Great, a Soul Train reject, with a Robin Hood complex.
34. In fact, you know what they call me back home? You're gonna love this...The Lone Free Ranger!
35. "When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." The benefits of a classical education.
36. You can’t fool me! There is no sanity clause!
37. No thank you. We are dressed in our best and are prepared to go down as gentlemen. But, We would like a brandy.
38. Mr. Laurio, never trust a beautiful woman, especially one who's interested in you.
39. Trumpy...you can do magic things!
40. You was my brother, Charley, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money.
41. Or else Pizza...will send out for you!
42. Every time I put my line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish.
43. You can not make friends with the rock stars. That's what's important.
44. Of course, he was a Harvard graduate. That might be grounds for justifiable homicide.
45. Sew, old woman, sew! Like the wind!
46. What would you call that hairstyle you're wearing?
Arthur.
47. Oh, it's about this woman who's incredibly - well, she's a hostess and she's incredibly confident and she's going to give a party. And, maybe because she's confident, everyone thinks she's fine... but she isn't.
48. Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause of the leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.
49. Tell them I was murdered by my mathematics tutor; they'll never believe you in any case!
50. Hey, what's your name?
Davis.
Mine's McCardle. Well, so long.
Ladies and gentlemen...I've been so stressed of late that I haven't been posting as much. I admit it. No apologies, no regrets...but, accept this oh desperate readers as a peace offering of sorts. The return of the annual Invisible Ben Movie Quote Contest! How many of these quotes can you place?
Answers will be up around New Year's.
1. In fact the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away.
2. My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know.
3. And now, ladies and gentlemen, before I tell you any more, I'm going to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld. He was a king and a god in the world he knew, but now he comes to civilization merely a captive--a show to gratify your curiosity.
4. How far is it to Winnipeg from Montreal?
5. Here you go. The killer's a literature professor. He cuts off little chunks from his victims' bodies until they die. He calls himself "the deconstructionist.”
6. Hey, that ain't ours!
Sure it is.
But we come in this one.
That don't mean we have to go home in it!
7. Become vengeance, David. Become wrath.
8. Because you're on television, dummy. Sixty million people watch you every night of the week, Monday through Friday.
9. Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.
10. Guns for show, knives for a pro.
11. Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.
12. Metaman - express elevator! Dynaguy - snagged on takeoff! Splashdown - sucked into a vortex! NO CAPES!
13. Twenty million people died defeating that son of a bitch, and he's our first ambassador to outer space?
14. Did you know that Eleanor Roosevelt gave Lou Gehrig the clap?
15. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent? He's weak, he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race
16. What was I supposed to do...call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others?
17. What does God need with a starship?
18. Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't.
19. That's the machine that goes “ping.”
20. Not strong enough, yet. Well, I will be soon enough. Until then... I'll let Jason have some fun.
21. How’s that for a bit of fried gold?
22. It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
23. You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
24. If it's secret and elite, it can't be good.
25. Home is behind, the world ahead.
And there are many paths to tread.
Through shadow to the edge of night.
Until the stars are all alight.
Mist and shadow.
Cloud and shade.
All shall fade. All shall fade.
26. No shooting friends, Joseph!
27. Look how she moves! That's just like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!
28. Do you consider the eating of oysters to be moral and the eating of snails to be immoral?
29. I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no."
30. Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great World War II," you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled shit in Louisiana."
31. Henry's bed is Henry's province, he may people it with sheep if he wishes. Which upon occasion he has done.
32. Well, can't he just beam up?
This is reality, Greg.
33. Great, a Soul Train reject, with a Robin Hood complex.
34. In fact, you know what they call me back home? You're gonna love this...The Lone Free Ranger!
35. "When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." The benefits of a classical education.
36. You can’t fool me! There is no sanity clause!
37. No thank you. We are dressed in our best and are prepared to go down as gentlemen. But, We would like a brandy.
38. Mr. Laurio, never trust a beautiful woman, especially one who's interested in you.
39. Trumpy...you can do magic things!
40. You was my brother, Charley, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money.
41. Or else Pizza...will send out for you!
42. Every time I put my line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish.
43. You can not make friends with the rock stars. That's what's important.
44. Of course, he was a Harvard graduate. That might be grounds for justifiable homicide.
45. Sew, old woman, sew! Like the wind!
46. What would you call that hairstyle you're wearing?
Arthur.
47. Oh, it's about this woman who's incredibly - well, she's a hostess and she's incredibly confident and she's going to give a party. And, maybe because she's confident, everyone thinks she's fine... but she isn't.
48. Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause of the leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.
49. Tell them I was murdered by my mathematics tutor; they'll never believe you in any case!
50. Hey, what's your name?
Davis.
Mine's McCardle. Well, so long.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
He's the king of the world!!!
Question asked during review session today: Who was the first person to argue that the Earth was not the center of the solar system?
Answer I was expecting: Nicholas Copernicus
Answer presented by student: Leonardo di Caprio.
I don't make this stuff up, folks. I really don't.
FYI: Quick check on Wikipedia confirms that Copernicus was not actually the first to argue for a heliocentric solar system. However, he was the most prominent and backed up his theory with actually scientific measurements and observations, in contrast to the Greek philosophers like Philolaus and Aristarchus of Samos.
Question asked during review session today: Who was the first person to argue that the Earth was not the center of the solar system?
Answer I was expecting: Nicholas Copernicus
Answer presented by student: Leonardo di Caprio.
I don't make this stuff up, folks. I really don't.
FYI: Quick check on Wikipedia confirms that Copernicus was not actually the first to argue for a heliocentric solar system. However, he was the most prominent and backed up his theory with actually scientific measurements and observations, in contrast to the Greek philosophers like Philolaus and Aristarchus of Samos.
