Tales of the Invisible Ben

What if they gave a contest and (almost) nobody entered?

Now that a few weeks have passed and we are well into 2010, some of you may be wondering why I have yet to post the answers to this year's movie quote contest. The answer is not, as some might be led to believe, deliberate negligence on my part. Rather, the low number of participants prompted the delay.

In the distant past, before there was a comment section on this blog, people used to e-mail me their responses and complain that there was no way to post them on site. Now that I finally do have comments, the number of responses has dwindled to a paltry handful. Seriously. It's enough to make one strongly consider not putting the time into making a new contest when December rolls around. Either that or it's time to figure out a viable prize...but that gets tricky on a grad student's budget.

Oh well, at least we had a few submissions this time. The winner is a newcomer named Will Wetzel who posted his answers in the comments section below. In recognition of this achievement, I'm adding Will's blog No Spell Check, No Rules, Free Hugs, and a Goat to the Invisible Blogroll. Congratulations, Will and thank you to everyone else who participated!

And now...the answers!



1. “This has got to be the weirdest day of my life... well, so far.”

Look Who's Talking

2. “Man is born crying. When he has cried enough, he dies.”

Ran

3. “First, you've got that bloody old fortress on top of that bloody cliff. Then you've got the bloody cliff overhang. You can't even see the bloody cave, let alone the bloody guns. And anyway, we haven't got a bloody bomb big enough to smash that bloody rock. And that's the bloody truth, sir.”

The Guns of Navorone

4. “They say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dad did it, that's how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.”

Iron Man

5. “First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle.”

Elf

6. “Tom has nightmares. That's not a good thing. Tom has someone to love him. That is a good thing. Tom is crushing me. Tom is crushing me... Tom, you're crushing me!”

The Talented Mr. Ripley

7. “Max, find me a frog and a bear in a tan Studebaker.”
“Gee, Doc, all I can see is a frog and a bear in a rainbow-colored Studebaker.”

The Muppet Movie

8. “Good Lord - I've heard about this...cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?”

The Jerk

9. “This is an elegant crime, done by an elegant person. It's not about the money.”
“So, who steals a Monet, just to not sell it?”
“A Monet lover.”

The Thomas Crown Affair

10. “Nice shooting, son. What's your name?”
“Murphy.”

Robocop

11. “Listen, I think we got started off on the wrong foot. Stan Goodspeed, FBl. Uh...let's talk music. Do you like the Elton John song, 'Rocket Man'?”

The Rock

12. “I'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh?...And I'm three months older than you are, asshole!”

Big

13. “I'm sorry gentlemen. I...I know I'm being disrespectful to this honorable body, I know that. I- A guy like me should never be allowed to get in here in the first place. I know that! And I hate to stand here and try your patience like this, but either I'm dead right or I'm crazy!”

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

14. “Vargas does not drink, does not smoke, does not make love. What do you do, Vargas?”

Thunderball

15. “Your small minds are musclebound with suspicion. That's because the only exercise you ever get is jumping to conclusions.”

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

16. “Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all.”

Singing in the Rain

17. “Now, you take a bobcat or a fox. You know they'll run if you give 'em the chance. But when one don't run, or maybe makes fight at you, why, you shoot him and shoot him quick. After he's bitten you, it's too late.”

Old Yeller

18. “Wait for me, Audrey. This is between me and the vegetable!”

Little Shop of Horrors

19. “So, if the Beers beat Detroit and Denver beats Atlanta in the American Southwestern Division East Northern, then Milwaukee goes to the Denslow Cup, unless Baltimore can upset Buffalo and Charlotte ties Toronto, then Oakland would play LA and Pittsburgh in a blind choice round robin. And if no clear winner emerges from all of this, a two-man sack race will be held on consecutive Sundays until a champion can be crowned.”

Baseketball

20. “When her robe is unfurled, she will show you the world, if you step up and tell her where. For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paris, or Washington crossing the Delaware.”

At the Circus

21. “At least we've got it stopped.”
“Yeah, as long as the Arctic stays cold.”

The Blob

22. “You want me to kill THE ENEMIES of Jappos, I'll kill THE ENEMIES of Jappos... Rebs, or Sioux, or Cheyenne... For 500 bucks a month I'll kill whoever you want. But keep one thing in mind: I'd happily kill you for free.”

The Last Samurai

23. “The last miracle I did was the 1969 Mets. Before that, I think you have to go back to the Red Sea.”

Oh God!

24. “Well, I got nowhere else to go, the ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I got left is my bones.”

Star Trek

25. “Tell me, isn't a sheriff supposed to be courageous, loyal and, above all, honest?”
“Yeah, that he is.”
“Think you people need a new sheriff.”

For a Few Dollars More

26. “I know what you're thinking. 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself.”

Dirty Harry

27. “Plus six Eiffel Towers. How much did they fetch?”
“Twenty-five thousand pounds. Enough to keep me for one year in the style to which I was, ah, unaccustomed.”

The Lavender Hill Mob

28. “A few hours ago, you were giving chai for the phone wallahs. And now you're richer than they will ever be. What a player!”

Slumdog Millionaire

29. “By the cut of your suit, you went to Oxford or wherever. Naturally you think human beings dress like that. But you wear it with such disdain, my guess is you didn't come from money, and your school friends never let you forget it. Which means that you were at that school by the grace of someone else's charity, hence that chip on your shoulder. And since you’re first thought about me ran to 'orphan,' that's what I'd say you are.”

Casino Royale

30. “One more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal.”

Zombieland

31. “Taha, old friend, and very dear brother. Karen, child of light and daughter of Israel, shalom.”

Exodus

32. “What is best in life?”
“To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.”

Conan the Barbarian

33. “What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? That she was beautiful and brilliant? That she loved Mozart and Bach, the Beatles, and me?”

Love Story

34. “Don't you know it's dangerous to climb into a refrigerator? Those things can be deathtraps!”

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

35. “This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story.”

(500) Days of Summer

36. “I worked with Freud in Vienna. We broke over the concept of penis envy. Freud felt that it should be limited to women.”

Zelig

37. “Oh, excuse me, your honor...two YOUTHS!”

My Cousin Vinny

38. “I think it's just elegant to have an imagination. I just have no imagination at all. I have lots of other things, but I have no imagination.”

The Seven Year Itch

39. “That's a bingo! Is that the way you say it? 'That's a bingo?'”

Inglorious Basterds

40. “That's a shame, being that it's the 4th of July and all. Kids like you should be out having fun. Drinking, partying, running people over, getting away with murder... things like that.”

I Know What You Did Last Summer

41. “If you look deep into the stone, you will perceive the tiniest discoloration. It resembles an animal.”

The Pink Panther

42. “He endured blistering winds and scorching deserts - he climbed the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower - and what does he find? Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess is already married!”

Shrek 2

43. “You are one wise Caucasian, Vic.”

Shaft

44. “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth."

Pride of the Yankees

45. “I speak over two thousand languages, including Dodo and Unicorn. I had a classical education.”

Dr. Dolittle

46. “And crawling, on the planet's face, some insects, called the human race. Lost in time, and lost in space...and meaning.”

Rocky Horror Picture Show

47. “An Englishman never jokes about a wager, sir.”

Around the World in 80 Days

48. “There is no such thing as a bad boy.”

Boys Town

49. “Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep them doggies rollin'...Man my ass is swollen, Rawhide! Get 'em up, move 'em out, wake 'em up, get 'em dressed, get 'em shaved, comb their hair, Rawhide!”

City Slickers

50. “Made it, Ma! Top of the world!”

White Heat