Saturday, August 15, 2009
Reunions
Tonight is my tenth high school reunion. It is being held approximately two hundred miles away from where I am currently sitting. Even as I type this, classmates that I have not seen for years are milling around, exchanging pleasantries, and partaking of drinks at the open bar as they struggle to recapture the past. They'll introduce old friends to their new significant others--or spouses--and try to explain to those outsiders the complex social dynamics that developed over a blindingly fast four year timespan in a school building which is itself another 15 miles or so away from the evening's festivities. And when the end of the evening comes, they'll leave, promising to stay in touch, only to forget that promise the next morning when they return to their everyday lives consigning high school back to its regular, eagerly forgotten place in their memories.
In and of itself, the reunion is not a particularly odd concept. After all, what could be better than catching up with old friends and learning about how much their lives have changed after a few years? I confirmed this fact recently, having spent two weekends during the past month visiting with some of my old classmates, friends I've known in some cases for nearly 20 years. Our lives have long since carried us off in separate directions. We have pursued our respective personal and professional interests to all parts of the country and, in some cases, the world. We have had relationships of varying durations. Some have gotten married. Some have even had children. We are no longer teenagers. We are men and women, leading adult lives and taking on adult responsibilities.
And yet, the jokes are still there. The references to events long since forgotten by everyone else involved. We still play Ultimate Frisbee and nerdy board games. (Next time, I'll actually remember to bring Diplomacy.) Our teachers' names may have begun to fade, but the stories of what happened in high school...and even junior high school, linger on.
I can imagine something similar occurring at my high school reunion and yet I decided not to attend. There were several reasons contributing to the decision, but the most noteworthy was the likely absence of most of my friends from the festivities...especially the ones who I had not seen at either of the past month's unofficial "reunion" sessions. Sure, there are some people with whom I would like to have a chance to catch up, but it never quite reached critical mass to merit the trip. (Especially since I had already spent two weekends traveling, first to Maine and then to Baltimore.) Nor did it seem likely that any of our former teachers would be in attendance. They too have likely moved on to bigger and better things.
Which is why tonight, on the evening of my tenth high school reunion I am here, reflecting on the decision and wondering how things will change by the time the next such event rolls around. Will I still be making excuses about why I don't see I need to attend? I can only imagine that online social networking sites will become more pervasive, allowing one to confirm that your secret high school crush is now married and has two kids without their ever knowing you cared.
And the friends who I care enough about to actually see every so often, well, they and I will keep in touch. So the need for the formal reunion, sponsored by well-meaning class officers is less than obvious. But who knows? The future is uncertain and that's what makes it interesting.
Reunions are only partly about the past after all, we all know what happened in high school albeit from widely varying perspectives. It's the unknown and the unpredictable, the future that developed to our classmates since we last saw each other, that makes the coming together memorable. It doesn't take a carefully organized event or an open bar to have that experience and it doesn't have to happen only on years which are integer multiples of five distant from graduation.
If you care enough, you make the time.
Tonight is my tenth high school reunion. It is being held approximately two hundred miles away from where I am currently sitting. Even as I type this, classmates that I have not seen for years are milling around, exchanging pleasantries, and partaking of drinks at the open bar as they struggle to recapture the past. They'll introduce old friends to their new significant others--or spouses--and try to explain to those outsiders the complex social dynamics that developed over a blindingly fast four year timespan in a school building which is itself another 15 miles or so away from the evening's festivities. And when the end of the evening comes, they'll leave, promising to stay in touch, only to forget that promise the next morning when they return to their everyday lives consigning high school back to its regular, eagerly forgotten place in their memories.
In and of itself, the reunion is not a particularly odd concept. After all, what could be better than catching up with old friends and learning about how much their lives have changed after a few years? I confirmed this fact recently, having spent two weekends during the past month visiting with some of my old classmates, friends I've known in some cases for nearly 20 years. Our lives have long since carried us off in separate directions. We have pursued our respective personal and professional interests to all parts of the country and, in some cases, the world. We have had relationships of varying durations. Some have gotten married. Some have even had children. We are no longer teenagers. We are men and women, leading adult lives and taking on adult responsibilities.
And yet, the jokes are still there. The references to events long since forgotten by everyone else involved. We still play Ultimate Frisbee and nerdy board games. (Next time, I'll actually remember to bring Diplomacy.) Our teachers' names may have begun to fade, but the stories of what happened in high school...and even junior high school, linger on.
I can imagine something similar occurring at my high school reunion and yet I decided not to attend. There were several reasons contributing to the decision, but the most noteworthy was the likely absence of most of my friends from the festivities...especially the ones who I had not seen at either of the past month's unofficial "reunion" sessions. Sure, there are some people with whom I would like to have a chance to catch up, but it never quite reached critical mass to merit the trip. (Especially since I had already spent two weekends traveling, first to Maine and then to Baltimore.) Nor did it seem likely that any of our former teachers would be in attendance. They too have likely moved on to bigger and better things.
Which is why tonight, on the evening of my tenth high school reunion I am here, reflecting on the decision and wondering how things will change by the time the next such event rolls around. Will I still be making excuses about why I don't see I need to attend? I can only imagine that online social networking sites will become more pervasive, allowing one to confirm that your secret high school crush is now married and has two kids without their ever knowing you cared.
And the friends who I care enough about to actually see every so often, well, they and I will keep in touch. So the need for the formal reunion, sponsored by well-meaning class officers is less than obvious. But who knows? The future is uncertain and that's what makes it interesting.
Reunions are only partly about the past after all, we all know what happened in high school albeit from widely varying perspectives. It's the unknown and the unpredictable, the future that developed to our classmates since we last saw each other, that makes the coming together memorable. It doesn't take a carefully organized event or an open bar to have that experience and it doesn't have to happen only on years which are integer multiples of five distant from graduation.
If you care enough, you make the time.
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