Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Uncertain Future
Bastille Day is here once again, and so it once more falls upon me to continue the longstanding tradition of a rumination on the anniversary of the French Revolution, the death of Billy the Kid, and the birth of the Internet's seventeenth least read blogger...which is to say, yours truly.
Last year around this time, in the wake of a good friend's wedding (Happy belated anniversary, Sevensor!), I jotted down some thoughts about what I felt the upcoming year, the one that just passed, might hold, both for myself and for my friends. Looking back now, these comments seem vaguely prophetic:
"This year, I will have to start work on my dissertation and will be moving to a new apartment. It is entirely possible that this combination of factors will tend to isolate me further from my friends, both old and new."
At that point, on the basis of recent events, I expressed a hope that somehow a balance might be struck somehow between my work and my personal life and that I would be able to make time for my friends and family. This year, despite the realities of a half-hour commute to where the majority of my friends and colleagues are located, I have done the best I could to fulfill that goal. It has not always been easy, but I still host pub quiz twice a month and have been a regular (if not particularly impressive) member of the history department softball team (B Division).
But at the same time, my work has grown more and more consuming as my archive's closure grows more imminent. I spent today, my birthday, doing the same thing I've been doing for the past few weeks...photographing laboratory notebooks pretty much non-stop from 9 AM to 6 PM. (OK, there was a brief lunch break in there, but you get the idea). I made no mention of the occasion to my archivist or anyone else. It was just another day. No fancy plans. No exciting dinner. Nothing. And my evening plans? Well, after finishing this blog entry there are still a few more notebooks left for me to organize and then I get to pack for my research trip to Ohio. Nothing like a nice evening of work, alone in the Invisible Suburb!
As I said in my previous post, this is my life. It is not a very exciting,one, but it is the one I have right now. Whether or not it will continue into next year, I can not say. In contrast to last year, the only prediction I have for the coming year is that big changes are on the horizon. My dissertation will remain, but I'll be working on it as a dissertation fellow at a prestigious external institution, which means that except for pub quiz, it will be farewell to Old Ivy for the academic year. For the first time in my life, I'll be living in the very heart of a major city, so that should be exciting, albeit a little more intense. I don't know how my social life will be once I move, because although I know some folks in the area, it's not like it was in high school when you could always count on friends setting up something on a weekend evening, confident that you would be called.
All appears uncertain. On the one hand, this is quite liberating. There is no hard and fast prophecy that dooms me to any particular life choice. On the other, it is intimidating, because nothing is as frightful as the unknown. The frustrating thing is, I don't think there is any way to resolve the issue except to live and see what happens. Open the box and see if the cat lives or dies, as it were.
"Live and do the best you can with what happens" is not an uplifting birthday message, I confess. Nevertheless, it's the only one I have.
Except the e-mails and notes that a few of you have sent along and for which I thank you.
Happy Bastille Day, all. I'm going to get back to work now...
Bastille Day is here once again, and so it once more falls upon me to continue the longstanding tradition of a rumination on the anniversary of the French Revolution, the death of Billy the Kid, and the birth of the Internet's seventeenth least read blogger...which is to say, yours truly.
Last year around this time, in the wake of a good friend's wedding (Happy belated anniversary, Sevensor!), I jotted down some thoughts about what I felt the upcoming year, the one that just passed, might hold, both for myself and for my friends. Looking back now, these comments seem vaguely prophetic:
"This year, I will have to start work on my dissertation and will be moving to a new apartment. It is entirely possible that this combination of factors will tend to isolate me further from my friends, both old and new."
At that point, on the basis of recent events, I expressed a hope that somehow a balance might be struck somehow between my work and my personal life and that I would be able to make time for my friends and family. This year, despite the realities of a half-hour commute to where the majority of my friends and colleagues are located, I have done the best I could to fulfill that goal. It has not always been easy, but I still host pub quiz twice a month and have been a regular (if not particularly impressive) member of the history department softball team (B Division).
But at the same time, my work has grown more and more consuming as my archive's closure grows more imminent. I spent today, my birthday, doing the same thing I've been doing for the past few weeks...photographing laboratory notebooks pretty much non-stop from 9 AM to 6 PM. (OK, there was a brief lunch break in there, but you get the idea). I made no mention of the occasion to my archivist or anyone else. It was just another day. No fancy plans. No exciting dinner. Nothing. And my evening plans? Well, after finishing this blog entry there are still a few more notebooks left for me to organize and then I get to pack for my research trip to Ohio. Nothing like a nice evening of work, alone in the Invisible Suburb!
As I said in my previous post, this is my life. It is not a very exciting,one, but it is the one I have right now. Whether or not it will continue into next year, I can not say. In contrast to last year, the only prediction I have for the coming year is that big changes are on the horizon. My dissertation will remain, but I'll be working on it as a dissertation fellow at a prestigious external institution, which means that except for pub quiz, it will be farewell to Old Ivy for the academic year. For the first time in my life, I'll be living in the very heart of a major city, so that should be exciting, albeit a little more intense. I don't know how my social life will be once I move, because although I know some folks in the area, it's not like it was in high school when you could always count on friends setting up something on a weekend evening, confident that you would be called.
All appears uncertain. On the one hand, this is quite liberating. There is no hard and fast prophecy that dooms me to any particular life choice. On the other, it is intimidating, because nothing is as frightful as the unknown. The frustrating thing is, I don't think there is any way to resolve the issue except to live and see what happens. Open the box and see if the cat lives or dies, as it were.
"Live and do the best you can with what happens" is not an uplifting birthday message, I confess. Nevertheless, it's the only one I have.
Except the e-mails and notes that a few of you have sent along and for which I thank you.
Happy Bastille Day, all. I'm going to get back to work now...
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