Sunday, January 25, 2009
Movie Quote Contest 2008: The Results
The holidays have long since come and gone, and around this blog, that means that it's about time to reveal the winners of the annual holiday movie quote contest.
Unfortunately, several factors have hindered my efforts to fulfill my official duties as chief quote adjudicator this time around:
As a prize, she gets to read the end credits in a style of her choosing.
For those who are curious, here are the answers:
1. “How about a magic trick? I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.”
The Dark Knight
2. “Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.”
Rushmore
3. “All right. I'm gonna disconnect your air machine, then you're gonna go to sleep. Then I'll give you a shot, and you'll stay asleep.”
Million Dollar Baby
4. “H-A-T-E! It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low. L-O-V-E! You see these fingers, dear hearts? These fingers has veins that run straight to the soul of man. The right hand, friends, the hand of love.”
Night of the Hunter
5. “My name is Robert Hawkins. It's 6:42 AM on Saturday, May 23rd. Approximately seven hours ago, some thing attacked the city. I don't know what it is.”
Cloverfield
6. “Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? You know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind, because I'm too torqued up to say no.”
Sixteen Candles
7. “I've got five terrorists going southeast on Bakalakadaka Street! “
Team America: World Police
8. “We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.”
A Few Good Men
9. “My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs!”
Goldfinger
10. “The penis shoots seeds and makes new life and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill! “
Zardoz
11. “It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks. You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!”
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
12. “I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding!”
Liar Liar
13. “Who do you think you are...a Kennedy?”
W.
14. “Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen "The Exorcist" about 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it!”
Beetlejuice
15. “Joey, there's no living with a killing. There's no going back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand. A brand sticks. There's no going back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her...tell her everything's all right. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.”
Shane
16. “No. Didn't you hear what that purser said? He said to stay here and keep calm. Help will be here, and I'm staying right here.”
The Poseidon Adventure
17. “Alex! You're walking away from history! History, Alex! Did Chris Columbus say he wanted to stay home? No! What if the Wright Brothers thought that only birds should fly? And did Galoka think that the Ulus were too ugly to save?”
The Last Starfighter
18. “How do you like working for Nazis, Valentine? Does he pay you in dollars or Reichsmarks?”
The Rocketeer
19. “Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize I was disturbing you. You see, every once in a while I suddenly find myself dancing.”
“Oh, I suppose it's some kind of an affliction.”
Top Hat
20. “God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!”
Full Metal Jacket
21. “You'll never be a first class human being or a first class woman until you've learned to have some regard for human frailty. It's a pity your own foot can't slip a little sometime, but your sense of inner divinity wouldn't allow that. This goddess must and shall remain intact!”
The Philadelphia Story
22. “Don't argue or make a scene. Because if you say anything more about witches or witchcraft, we're gonna be forced to take you to a mental hospital. You don't want that, do you?”
Rosemary's Baby
23. “Good afternoon. Wide World of Sports is in the little republic of San Marcos where we're going to bring you a live, on the spot assassination. They're going to kill the president of this lovely Latin American country and replace him with a military dictatorship. And everybody is about as excited and tense as can be.”
Bananas
24. “What happened? Why so glum? Your business should be booming.”
“No. When the fighting gets this bad, they don't bother with coffins.”
Yojimbo
25. “Earth is amazing! These are called 'farms.' Humans who put seeds in the ground pour water on them, and they grow food...like pizza!”
WALL-E
26. “I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”
Bull Durham
27. “Free will. It's like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.”
Devil's Advocate
28. “One of us! One of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble!”
Freaks
29. “We can teach these barbarians a lesson in Western methods and efficiency that will put them to shame. We'll show them what the British soldier is capable of doing.”
Bridge on the River Kwai
30. “A lie keeps growing and growing until it's as plain as the nose on your face.”
Pinocchio
31. “Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!”
All About Eve
32. “That green-blooded son of a bitch! It's his revenge for all the arguments he lost.”
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
33. “Dick, you're a bad man. You know what we do to bad men? We punish 'em. Dick, you've just entered the Xander zone.”
XXX
34. “Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? They said when you got here, the whole thing started. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? I think you're the cause of all this. I think you're evil! EVIL!”
The Birds
35. “No, no, no, no. You gotta listen to the way people talk. You don't say 'affirmative,' or some shit like that. You say 'no problemo.' And if someone comes on to you with an attitude you say 'eat me.'”
Terminator II: Judgment Day
36. “Do you know anything about a guy going around playing the harmonica? He's someone you'd remember. Instead of talking, he plays. And when he better play, he talks.”
Once Upon a Time in the West
37. “He's the first one to kill a vampire in over a hundred years. I'd say that's earned him a drink. “
Van Helsing
38. “You know who's on this boat?”
“No.”
“Maurice Chevalier, the movie actor. I just ran into him.”
“Did you hurt him?”
Monkey Business
39. “All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”
Monty Python's Life of Brian
40. “Sensual blind chick seeks three-ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship.”
Fantastic Four
41. “You know what your trouble is, Willy? You always took the jokes too seriously. It was just jokes. We did comedy on the stage for 43 years. I don't think you enjoyed it once.”
The Sunshine Boys
42. “We deposit money from a fund that doesn't exist into a box we don't know about in a bank we've never set foot in. We can't help you because we never heard of you before.”
Munich
43. “I am impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it.
“I'm afraid my people haven't.”
The Day the Earth Stood Still
44. “I know this sounds crazy, but ever since yesterday on the road, I've been seeing this shape. Shaving cream, pillows... Damn it! I know this. I know what this is! This means something. This is important.”
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
45. “Oh, it's just Neddy the Nut out flying his old Model T.”
The Nutty Professor
46. “Sometimes the simple rhythm of typing gets us from page one to page two. When you begin to feel your own words, start typing them. Punch the keys for God's sake!”
Finding Forrester
47. “I didn't ask to see you. I don't mind if you don't like my manners, I don't like them myself. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings. I don't mind your ritzing me, drinking your lunch out of a bottle. But don't waste your time trying to cross-examine me. “
The Big Sleep
48. “How can you outwit Death?”
“By a combination of bishop and knight. I will break his flank.”
The Seventh Seal
49. “I'll tell them after a big bee ate my brother you smacked me around. No jury in the world would fail to convict you.”
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
50. “It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.“
American Pie
The holidays have long since come and gone, and around this blog, that means that it's about time to reveal the winners of the annual holiday movie quote contest.
Unfortunately, several factors have hindered my efforts to fulfill my official duties as chief quote adjudicator this time around:
- Very few people either e-mailed or commented upon the contest.
- Those who did frequently provided only a score. While I trust my audience, I can't just accept a numerical score without seeing actual answers. It just wouldn't be cricket.
- Finally, I also published this contest in a different setting (the Facebook group of the pub quiz I host every two weeks). The top scorers from that setting did better than anybody on this blog by correctly identifying 30 of the 50 quotes.
As a prize, she gets to read the end credits in a style of her choosing.
For those who are curious, here are the answers:
1. “How about a magic trick? I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.”
The Dark Knight
2. “Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.”
Rushmore
3. “All right. I'm gonna disconnect your air machine, then you're gonna go to sleep. Then I'll give you a shot, and you'll stay asleep.”
Million Dollar Baby
4. “H-A-T-E! It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low. L-O-V-E! You see these fingers, dear hearts? These fingers has veins that run straight to the soul of man. The right hand, friends, the hand of love.”
Night of the Hunter
5. “My name is Robert Hawkins. It's 6:42 AM on Saturday, May 23rd. Approximately seven hours ago, some thing attacked the city. I don't know what it is.”
Cloverfield
6. “Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? You know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind, because I'm too torqued up to say no.”
Sixteen Candles
7. “I've got five terrorists going southeast on Bakalakadaka Street! “
Team America: World Police
8. “We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.”
A Few Good Men
9. “My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs!”
Goldfinger
10. “The penis shoots seeds and makes new life and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill! “
Zardoz
11. “It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks. You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!”
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
12. “I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding!”
Liar Liar
13. “Who do you think you are...a Kennedy?”
W.
14. “Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen "The Exorcist" about 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it!”
Beetlejuice
15. “Joey, there's no living with a killing. There's no going back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand. A brand sticks. There's no going back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her...tell her everything's all right. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.”
Shane
16. “No. Didn't you hear what that purser said? He said to stay here and keep calm. Help will be here, and I'm staying right here.”
The Poseidon Adventure
17. “Alex! You're walking away from history! History, Alex! Did Chris Columbus say he wanted to stay home? No! What if the Wright Brothers thought that only birds should fly? And did Galoka think that the Ulus were too ugly to save?”
The Last Starfighter
18. “How do you like working for Nazis, Valentine? Does he pay you in dollars or Reichsmarks?”
The Rocketeer
19. “Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize I was disturbing you. You see, every once in a while I suddenly find myself dancing.”
“Oh, I suppose it's some kind of an affliction.”
Top Hat
20. “God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!”
Full Metal Jacket
21. “You'll never be a first class human being or a first class woman until you've learned to have some regard for human frailty. It's a pity your own foot can't slip a little sometime, but your sense of inner divinity wouldn't allow that. This goddess must and shall remain intact!”
The Philadelphia Story
22. “Don't argue or make a scene. Because if you say anything more about witches or witchcraft, we're gonna be forced to take you to a mental hospital. You don't want that, do you?”
Rosemary's Baby
23. “Good afternoon. Wide World of Sports is in the little republic of San Marcos where we're going to bring you a live, on the spot assassination. They're going to kill the president of this lovely Latin American country and replace him with a military dictatorship. And everybody is about as excited and tense as can be.”
Bananas
24. “What happened? Why so glum? Your business should be booming.”
“No. When the fighting gets this bad, they don't bother with coffins.”
Yojimbo
25. “Earth is amazing! These are called 'farms.' Humans who put seeds in the ground pour water on them, and they grow food...like pizza!”
WALL-E
26. “I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”
Bull Durham
27. “Free will. It's like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.”
Devil's Advocate
28. “One of us! One of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble!”
Freaks
29. “We can teach these barbarians a lesson in Western methods and efficiency that will put them to shame. We'll show them what the British soldier is capable of doing.”
Bridge on the River Kwai
30. “A lie keeps growing and growing until it's as plain as the nose on your face.”
Pinocchio
31. “Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!”
All About Eve
32. “That green-blooded son of a bitch! It's his revenge for all the arguments he lost.”
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
33. “Dick, you're a bad man. You know what we do to bad men? We punish 'em. Dick, you've just entered the Xander zone.”
XXX
34. “Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? They said when you got here, the whole thing started. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? I think you're the cause of all this. I think you're evil! EVIL!”
The Birds
35. “No, no, no, no. You gotta listen to the way people talk. You don't say 'affirmative,' or some shit like that. You say 'no problemo.' And if someone comes on to you with an attitude you say 'eat me.'”
Terminator II: Judgment Day
36. “Do you know anything about a guy going around playing the harmonica? He's someone you'd remember. Instead of talking, he plays. And when he better play, he talks.”
Once Upon a Time in the West
37. “He's the first one to kill a vampire in over a hundred years. I'd say that's earned him a drink. “
Van Helsing
38. “You know who's on this boat?”
“No.”
“Maurice Chevalier, the movie actor. I just ran into him.”
“Did you hurt him?”
Monkey Business
39. “All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”
Monty Python's Life of Brian
40. “Sensual blind chick seeks three-ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship.”
Fantastic Four
41. “You know what your trouble is, Willy? You always took the jokes too seriously. It was just jokes. We did comedy on the stage for 43 years. I don't think you enjoyed it once.”
The Sunshine Boys
42. “We deposit money from a fund that doesn't exist into a box we don't know about in a bank we've never set foot in. We can't help you because we never heard of you before.”
Munich
43. “I am impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it.
“I'm afraid my people haven't.”
The Day the Earth Stood Still
44. “I know this sounds crazy, but ever since yesterday on the road, I've been seeing this shape. Shaving cream, pillows... Damn it! I know this. I know what this is! This means something. This is important.”
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
45. “Oh, it's just Neddy the Nut out flying his old Model T.”
The Nutty Professor
46. “Sometimes the simple rhythm of typing gets us from page one to page two. When you begin to feel your own words, start typing them. Punch the keys for God's sake!”
Finding Forrester
47. “I didn't ask to see you. I don't mind if you don't like my manners, I don't like them myself. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings. I don't mind your ritzing me, drinking your lunch out of a bottle. But don't waste your time trying to cross-examine me. “
The Big Sleep
48. “How can you outwit Death?”
“By a combination of bishop and knight. I will break his flank.”
The Seventh Seal
49. “I'll tell them after a big bee ate my brother you smacked me around. No jury in the world would fail to convict you.”
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
50. “It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.“
American Pie
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