Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The Holiday Movie Quote Contest VI: The Final Nightmare
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the steady patter of wintry mix flicking against my windowpanes confirms that it is once again that most magical time of year. For no matter how dramatic the economic turmoil, no matter how massive the political upheavals, no matter how inclement the weather, there are some traditions that should not, nay dare not, be ignored.
And what better example is there of this group of traditions than the annual movie quote contest. Yes...this is the 6th incarnation of my regular holiday quiz and the format remains the same as always: 50 quotes from 50 movies. Identify as many as you can to demonstrate your mastery of matters cinematical. (Even better if you can do so without search for them online.) Also, a friendly reminder that I have a comments section where you can post your thoughts or rant about how no one in their right mind could possibly know Quote #X.
Best of luck and a happy holidays to all!
Answers will be posted after New Years.
1. “How about a magic trick? I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.”
2. “Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.”
3. “All right. I'm gonna disconnect your air machine, then you're gonna go to sleep. Then I'll give you a shot, and you'll stay asleep.”
4. “H-A-T-E! It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low. L-O-V-E! You see these fingers, dear hearts? These fingers has veins that run straight to the soul of man. The right hand, friends, the hand of love.”
5. “My name is Robert Hawkins. It's 6:42 AM on Saturday, May 23rd. Approximately seven hours ago, some thing attacked the city. I don't know what it is.”
6. “Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? You know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind, because I'm too torqued up to say no.”
7. “I've got five terrorists going southeast on Bakalakadaka Street! “
8. “We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.”
9. “My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs!”
10. “The penis shoots seeds and makes new life and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill! “
11. “It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks. You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!”
12. “I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding!”
13. “Who do you think you are...a Kennedy?”
14. “Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen "The Exorcist" about 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it!”
15. “Joey, there's no living with a killing. There's no going back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand. A brand sticks. There's no going back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her...tell her everything's all right. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.”
16. “No. Didn't you hear what that purser said? He said to stay here and keep calm. Help will be here, and I'm staying right here.”
17. “Alex! You're walking away from history! History, Alex! Did Chris Columbus say he wanted to stay home? No! What if the Wright Brothers thought that only birds should fly? And did Galoka think that the Ulus were too ugly to save?”
18. “How do you like working for Nazis, Valentine? Does he pay you in dollars or Reichsmarks?”
19. “Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize I was disturbing you. You see, every once in a while I suddenly find myself dancing.”
“Oh, I suppose it's some kind of an affliction.”
20. “God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!”
21. “You'll never be a first class human being or a first class woman until you've learned to have some regard for human frailty. It's a pity your own foot can't slip a little sometime, but your sense of inner divinity wouldn't allow that. This goddess must and shall remain intact!”
22. “Don't argue or make a scene. Because if you say anything more about witches or witchcraft, we're gonna be forced to take you to a mental hospital. You don't want that, do you?”
23. “Good afternoon. Wide World of Sports is in the little republic of San Marcos where we're going to bring you a live, on the spot assassination. They're going to kill the president of this lovely Latin American country and replace him with a military dictatorship. And everybody is about as excited and tense as can be.”
24. “What happened? Why so glum? Your business should be booming.”
“No. When the fighting gets this bad, they don't bother with coffins.”
25. “Earth is amazing! These are called 'farms.' Humans who put seeds in the ground pour water on them, and they grow food...like pizza!”
26. “I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”
27. “Free will. It's like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.”
28. “One of us! One of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble!”
29. “We can teach these barbarians a lesson in Western methods and efficiency that will put them to shame. We'll show them what the British soldier is capable of doing.”
30. “A lie keeps growing and growing until it's as plain as the nose on your face.”
31. “Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!”
32. “That green-blooded son of a bitch! It's his revenge for all the arguments he lost.”
33. “Dick, you're a bad man. You know what we do to bad men? We punish 'em. Dick, you've just entered the Xander zone.”
34. “Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? They said when you got here, the whole thing started. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? I think you're the cause of all this. I think you're evil! EVIL!”
35. “No, no, no, no. You gotta listen to the way people talk. You don't say 'affirmative,' or some shit like that. You say 'no problemo.' And if someone comes on to you with an attitude you say 'eat me.'”
36. “Do you know anything about a guy going around playing the harmonica? He's someone you'd remember. Instead of talking, he plays. And when he better play, he talks.”
37. “He's the first one to kill a vampire in over a hundred years. I'd say that's earned him a drink. “
38. “You know who's on this boat?”
“No.”
“Maurice Chevalier, the movie actor. I just ran into him.”
“Did you hurt him?”
39. “All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”
40. “Sensual blind chick seeks three-ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship.”
41. “You know what your trouble is, Willy? You always took the jokes too seriously. It was just jokes. We did comedy on the stage for 43 years. I don't think you enjoyed it once.”
42. “We deposit money from a fund that doesn't exist into a box we don't know about in a bank we've never set foot in. We can't help you because we never heard of you before.”
43. “I am impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it.
“I'm afraid my people haven't.”
44. “I know this sounds crazy, but ever since yesterday on the road, I've been seeing this shape. Shaving cream, pillows... Damn it! I know this. I know what this is! This means something. This is important.”
45. “Oh, it's just Neddy the Nut out flying his old Model T.”
46. “Sometimes the simple rhythm of typing gets us from page one to page two. When you begin to feel your own words, start typing them. Punch the keys for God's sake!”
47. “I didn't ask to see you. I don't mind if you don't like my manners, I don't like them myself. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings. I don't mind your ritzing me, drinking your lunch out of a bottle. But don't waste your time trying to cross-examine me. “
48. “How can you outwit Death?”
“By a combination of bishop and knight. I will break his flank.”
49. “I'll tell them after a big bee ate my brother you smacked me around. No jury in the world would fail to convict you.”
50. “It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.“
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the steady patter of wintry mix flicking against my windowpanes confirms that it is once again that most magical time of year. For no matter how dramatic the economic turmoil, no matter how massive the political upheavals, no matter how inclement the weather, there are some traditions that should not, nay dare not, be ignored.
And what better example is there of this group of traditions than the annual movie quote contest. Yes...this is the 6th incarnation of my regular holiday quiz and the format remains the same as always: 50 quotes from 50 movies. Identify as many as you can to demonstrate your mastery of matters cinematical. (Even better if you can do so without search for them online.) Also, a friendly reminder that I have a comments section where you can post your thoughts or rant about how no one in their right mind could possibly know Quote #X.
Best of luck and a happy holidays to all!
Answers will be posted after New Years.
1. “How about a magic trick? I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.”
2. “Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.”
3. “All right. I'm gonna disconnect your air machine, then you're gonna go to sleep. Then I'll give you a shot, and you'll stay asleep.”
4. “H-A-T-E! It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low. L-O-V-E! You see these fingers, dear hearts? These fingers has veins that run straight to the soul of man. The right hand, friends, the hand of love.”
5. “My name is Robert Hawkins. It's 6:42 AM on Saturday, May 23rd. Approximately seven hours ago, some thing attacked the city. I don't know what it is.”
6. “Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? You know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind, because I'm too torqued up to say no.”
7. “I've got five terrorists going southeast on Bakalakadaka Street! “
8. “We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it.”
9. “My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs!”
10. “The penis shoots seeds and makes new life and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill! “
11. “It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks. You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!”
12. “I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding!”
13. “Who do you think you are...a Kennedy?”
14. “Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen "The Exorcist" about 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it!”
15. “Joey, there's no living with a killing. There's no going back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand. A brand sticks. There's no going back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her...tell her everything's all right. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.”
16. “No. Didn't you hear what that purser said? He said to stay here and keep calm. Help will be here, and I'm staying right here.”
17. “Alex! You're walking away from history! History, Alex! Did Chris Columbus say he wanted to stay home? No! What if the Wright Brothers thought that only birds should fly? And did Galoka think that the Ulus were too ugly to save?”
18. “How do you like working for Nazis, Valentine? Does he pay you in dollars or Reichsmarks?”
19. “Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize I was disturbing you. You see, every once in a while I suddenly find myself dancing.”
“Oh, I suppose it's some kind of an affliction.”
20. “God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!”
21. “You'll never be a first class human being or a first class woman until you've learned to have some regard for human frailty. It's a pity your own foot can't slip a little sometime, but your sense of inner divinity wouldn't allow that. This goddess must and shall remain intact!”
22. “Don't argue or make a scene. Because if you say anything more about witches or witchcraft, we're gonna be forced to take you to a mental hospital. You don't want that, do you?”
23. “Good afternoon. Wide World of Sports is in the little republic of San Marcos where we're going to bring you a live, on the spot assassination. They're going to kill the president of this lovely Latin American country and replace him with a military dictatorship. And everybody is about as excited and tense as can be.”
24. “What happened? Why so glum? Your business should be booming.”
“No. When the fighting gets this bad, they don't bother with coffins.”
25. “Earth is amazing! These are called 'farms.' Humans who put seeds in the ground pour water on them, and they grow food...like pizza!”
26. “I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”
27. “Free will. It's like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.”
28. “One of us! One of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble!”
29. “We can teach these barbarians a lesson in Western methods and efficiency that will put them to shame. We'll show them what the British soldier is capable of doing.”
30. “A lie keeps growing and growing until it's as plain as the nose on your face.”
31. “Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!”
32. “That green-blooded son of a bitch! It's his revenge for all the arguments he lost.”
33. “Dick, you're a bad man. You know what we do to bad men? We punish 'em. Dick, you've just entered the Xander zone.”
34. “Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? They said when you got here, the whole thing started. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? I think you're the cause of all this. I think you're evil! EVIL!”
35. “No, no, no, no. You gotta listen to the way people talk. You don't say 'affirmative,' or some shit like that. You say 'no problemo.' And if someone comes on to you with an attitude you say 'eat me.'”
36. “Do you know anything about a guy going around playing the harmonica? He's someone you'd remember. Instead of talking, he plays. And when he better play, he talks.”
37. “He's the first one to kill a vampire in over a hundred years. I'd say that's earned him a drink. “
38. “You know who's on this boat?”
“No.”
“Maurice Chevalier, the movie actor. I just ran into him.”
“Did you hurt him?”
39. “All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”
40. “Sensual blind chick seeks three-ton, rock-hard he-man for deep spiritual relationship.”
41. “You know what your trouble is, Willy? You always took the jokes too seriously. It was just jokes. We did comedy on the stage for 43 years. I don't think you enjoyed it once.”
42. “We deposit money from a fund that doesn't exist into a box we don't know about in a bank we've never set foot in. We can't help you because we never heard of you before.”
43. “I am impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it.
“I'm afraid my people haven't.”
44. “I know this sounds crazy, but ever since yesterday on the road, I've been seeing this shape. Shaving cream, pillows... Damn it! I know this. I know what this is! This means something. This is important.”
45. “Oh, it's just Neddy the Nut out flying his old Model T.”
46. “Sometimes the simple rhythm of typing gets us from page one to page two. When you begin to feel your own words, start typing them. Punch the keys for God's sake!”
47. “I didn't ask to see you. I don't mind if you don't like my manners, I don't like them myself. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings. I don't mind your ritzing me, drinking your lunch out of a bottle. But don't waste your time trying to cross-examine me. “
48. “How can you outwit Death?”
“By a combination of bishop and knight. I will break his flank.”
49. “I'll tell them after a big bee ate my brother you smacked me around. No jury in the world would fail to convict you.”
50. “It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.“
Comments:
I didn't do too well this year, which is embarrassing because I'm pretty sure I've seen more of these than I realize.
By the way, I've been checking my answers via the ol' google search, and for at least one of the quotations this post is number 2. Like I said above, I really didn't do well this time.
I miscounted. 10 correct, giving me a .200 average. Above (or at least at) the Mendoza line!
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