Saturday, July 16, 2005
Harry Potter and the Information Superhighway
A long time ago there was an ordinary (dare I say, Muggle) professor of science at a local school of um...wizardry. Yeah, wizardry. And this professor needed to become certified in um...potions...before teaching the course to a bunch of third-years come September. Now normally, he would study for his exams at the local book emporium, but unfortunately at midnight this morning the latest exciting volume outlining the life of that remarkable young wizard, Harry Potter, was released. And now, I fear, the whole place will be crazier than a hippogriff in a wand shop. Or something.
In any event, the New York Times review of the latest Potter text as "the darkest and most unsettling yet." Which if memory serves is what they have been saying since the Goblet of Fire. One wonders exactly how dark things are going to get by the end of Book 7. "This book is so very terrifying," I imagine the reviews beginning, "that small children, the elderly, and those with heart problems have been forbidden by the Surgeon General from even considering reading Chapters 26-28 which contain images so disturbing that J.K. Rowling herself has been consigned to an asylum for a psychiatric evaluation."
But you will not to imagine about the plot or content of Book 6...not anymore. Because even if you don't own the book or have access to an unreserved copy and your local bookstore, you can already find summaries of the first 17 chapters on Wikipedia. That's right. The book has been out since midnight. And in the past 11 or so hours, more than half the book's plot is available for you right now. For free. Not quite as well-crafted as Rowling's original, no doubt. But the facts are there for all to see.
UPDATE: The downside of Wikipedia (as someone once said of democracy) is that it relies on the people. So sometimes you'll find chapter summaries like this one: "Harry accidentally meets George Bush senior while leaving a toilet. The American president suddenly turns into Monsieur Volde-merde, a french criminal." Harry accidentally meets George Bush senior while leaving a toilet. The American president suddenly turns into Monsieur Volde-merde, a french criminal." This will almost certainly be corrected within the next few minutes...but it's still amusing.
UPDATE 2: Further adventures with Wikipedia: Warning, this updates have graphic langauge and may not be suitable for anyone.
A long time ago there was an ordinary (dare I say, Muggle) professor of science at a local school of um...wizardry. Yeah, wizardry. And this professor needed to become certified in um...potions...before teaching the course to a bunch of third-years come September. Now normally, he would study for his exams at the local book emporium, but unfortunately at midnight this morning the latest exciting volume outlining the life of that remarkable young wizard, Harry Potter, was released. And now, I fear, the whole place will be crazier than a hippogriff in a wand shop. Or something.
In any event, the New York Times review of the latest Potter text as "the darkest and most unsettling yet." Which if memory serves is what they have been saying since the Goblet of Fire. One wonders exactly how dark things are going to get by the end of Book 7. "This book is so very terrifying," I imagine the reviews beginning, "that small children, the elderly, and those with heart problems have been forbidden by the Surgeon General from even considering reading Chapters 26-28 which contain images so disturbing that J.K. Rowling herself has been consigned to an asylum for a psychiatric evaluation."
But you will not to imagine about the plot or content of Book 6...not anymore. Because even if you don't own the book or have access to an unreserved copy and your local bookstore, you can already find summaries of the first 17 chapters on Wikipedia. That's right. The book has been out since midnight. And in the past 11 or so hours, more than half the book's plot is available for you right now. For free. Not quite as well-crafted as Rowling's original, no doubt. But the facts are there for all to see.
UPDATE: The downside of Wikipedia (as someone once said of democracy) is that it relies on the people. So sometimes you'll find chapter summaries like this one: "Harry accidentally meets George Bush senior while leaving a toilet. The American president suddenly turns into Monsieur Volde-merde, a french criminal." Harry accidentally meets George Bush senior while leaving a toilet. The American president suddenly turns into Monsieur Volde-merde, a french criminal." This will almost certainly be corrected within the next few minutes...but it's still amusing.
UPDATE 2: Further adventures with Wikipedia: Warning, this updates have graphic langauge and may not be suitable for anyone.
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Chapter 18: Birthday Surprises
EAT MY BALLS
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Chapter 20: Lord Voldemort's Request
Harry Potter is killed at Lord Voldemort's request, but is later brought back to life by Hermione's stew. Yeah, and cows are flying...
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Chapter 24: Sectumsempra
loltheinternet
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Chapter 28: Flight of the Prince
pleaseupdate
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Chapter 30: The White Tomb
[Chapter summary]
THEN THEY ALL HAVE BUTTSEX. THE END.
