Tales of the Invisible Ben

National Teacher Day

Apparently today is National Teacher Day. I'm not sure if the day is intended to recognize one person (though who America's one National Teacher is remains a subject of personal debate. I nominate Don Herbert...) or everyone who teaches at a regional level or greater, but in either case it's rather flattering to have a national holiday dedicated to one's profession. At the same time, a quick check online indicates that today is also World Press Freedom Day (for which I suppose all bloggers should be thankful), the feast day of St. Juvenal ("Nothing precise can be said about his life or acts, as his legend is often confused with the lives of others by the same name..."--patron saint of nobodies?), and Yom Ha'atzmaut (which translates from Hebrew as "Troubles are finally done for the Jews now that they have their own independent state). So I guess this is more of a midlevel observance than a holiday. Maybe midlevel is a stretch too, given that I only found out long after the school day had ended. And after all, would you have known if you didn't just read this?

Actually, perhaps I was mistaken in that last bit. I did receive an envelope in my mailbox from the district's regional office in honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, which I must presume to be a subsidiary celebration of National Teacher Day. Inside the envelope was what every teacher wants and needs: a novelty notepad! Hooray! And then the district in its wisdom gave us another present: state testing! Given every day, Monday through Thursday, in compliance with No Child Left Behind., these tests are designed to assess student learning and simultaneously undermine any semblance of scheduling continuity between my first period and every other one of my classes. I ask you, what is the point of distributing a unit plan outlining every single assignment and daily lesson objective if the days are going to be shifted around?

Ah well, in some ways, it's a bit of a break. I don't have to put up with teaching first period until Friday. In my other classes however, students are off the wall. Completely off the wall. In last period today for example, students were throwing things. So I basically decided that every time someone threw something, the class would stay 1 minute after the bell. So of course one kid, not a particularly dumb person, but a joker and a fool, starts sliding paper balls along the floor. And I warn him to stop, so of course he keeps going. And then he gets mad that it added an extra minute to his time. Then, he and another friend start doing a series of small passes thinking that they can get around the rule by not throwing it across the room.

My favorite part of the whole story? When I explain that he made a bad choice and that my action is a result of his decisions, he replies that it's my fault. I made him mad so he had to do it. Yes...that was my evil intent all along. It's on my business cards. The Invisible Ben: Provoking students towards greater levels of stupidity since 2003!

And speaking of stupidity, today in class as part of a discussion on atomic number I gave my students a worksheet which asked them to identify elements that shared the number of protons in their nucleus with, for example, the number of states in the U.S. Consider these extrapolations based on actual answers received.

According to my students....

• There are anywhere between 50 and 57 states in the United States. (It would be 50, but Alaska and Hawaii push it over the top to 52.)
• There are seven planets in the solar system. No word yet which ones are missing.
• Earth has two moons. (There might have been more, but one student realized that the sun was not a moon.)
• A pentagon has six sides. No...eight sides. No...six sides. Conversely, a hexagon has only five sides.
  
• A pound consists of somewhere between 5 and 12 ounces.
• There are 20 years in a decade which would of course mean that the 90s are still going strong. Break out the slapwraps! (One student also suggested that there were 100 years in a decade. And if by year, this person meant 37 days, then that might almost be true.
  
• A meter consists of 12 centimeters. (A common enough mistake. I know some adults with Ivy League educations who continue to perpetuate this one in their instant messenger profiles.)

So how do I feel as I reflect on my experiences this National Teacher Day? Not too much like a teacher, at least during the day. After school, things went better, and I was able to help some students work on their element poster projects. My father donated a few old computers and helped set up networking protocols so as of tomorrow there will be two fully Internet capable computers for student use in my classroom. Granted, there are likely to also be several expeditions to the sealed and dreaded fifth floor to clear out the space for the computers, but this afternoon suggests it will be worth it even this late in the year. But still, I don't know if I can claim to be a true educator, much less a great one. I have knowledge to share, but much of the time it feels like throwing tennis balls against a wall and praying they'll stick. You know what's coming, but you still set expectations and invest yourself in the dream. Consequently, the disappointment leaves behind a lingering sting. And sometimes the only way to deal with that is to just move on. Or go to sleep. Or both, which is my current plan of action.

More news from Underwood as events merit.