Wednesday, May 04, 2005
My Stand-up Life
So an old friend from high school contacted me last night. Wanted some advice on jokes he was writing for a comedy routine he was working on for a medical school talent show. At the time, I wasn't sure exactly what he thought my qualifications were. Granted, I have written for a humor magazine before, but I'm certainly not a comedic genius. My performance experience is limited only to occasional skits for the many sundry organizations with which I have been affiliated over the years--no standup...not even once. And let's not even get into the editorial issues of reading another person's standup routine with no concept of their delivery. The whole thing just seemed like a bad idea.
Still, I read over his stuff Some of it was a little lewd, more than I would have expected, and the subject matter jumped all over. Medical jokes...computer jokes...sex jokes...all over the place. It was as though he had taken all these different subjects, written jokes about them, threw them into the barrels of a shotgun, fired them against the wall, and copied down what stuck. Some of the pieces were kinda mangled, but there were others that remained intact and retained their comedic merit.
Most of these were related to my friend's time as a medical student, and it started me thinking about how I would turn things that happened during my day into a comedy routine. After all, we're most able to poke fun at the things we know best.
For example:
I set my alarm at 5:30 in the morning to NPR. That early in the morning, it's the BBC World Report. The strange thing about listening to the British is that no matter what they're talking about, it always sounds dignified and proper to an American. A British news anchor could talk about the mating habits of the Australian fruit bat, and it would still sound like a Shakespeare reading to the average Joe on the street.
Later on in the car I heard an advertisement for Vermont Teddy Bears. "They're the perfect gift," the announcer said. "And they last forever." I found that terrifying. Centuries from now, when all the great cities have crumbled to dust, these bears will remain. A team of alien archaeologists will uncover a big stash of these customized bears and deduce two things: that we worshiped the great Sky Bear and that its name was MOM.
Work went well today. Only got called a dickhead twice...and hardly anything was thrown. At me anyway.
Seriously...the best thing I can compare my day with is drinking whiskey. The first few drinks don't go down easily, but by midday, it's all smooth sailing...until the hangover around 8th period. As soon as they walk through the door BAM Instant Headache. And I'm teaching in a haze of noise...when I dim the lights and turn on the overhead it's almost like a rave...only instead of ecstasy the kids are sniffing whiteout...and instead of German trance-techno, it's me rambling about atomic mass. And then, just when I think it's over and the sickness has passed...in comes ninth period. The extra double shot of Jack Daniels you really shouldn't have after a full day of drinking. And that's when I get completely sick of it all...fortunately I can recover by the next day to start the cycle again. Binge, purge, binge, purge...it's vaguely bulimic...but it's a living!
Yeah, I know. These are pretty dumb, and I still have a long way to go before I could make my big break on the standup circuit. But I need to start writing more of this stuff down. The funny stuff and not just the befuddling or frustrating stuff. (And believe me today, there really was a lot of that.) That's the big lesson. Or should I call it the punchline?
So an old friend from high school contacted me last night. Wanted some advice on jokes he was writing for a comedy routine he was working on for a medical school talent show. At the time, I wasn't sure exactly what he thought my qualifications were. Granted, I have written for a humor magazine before, but I'm certainly not a comedic genius. My performance experience is limited only to occasional skits for the many sundry organizations with which I have been affiliated over the years--no standup...not even once. And let's not even get into the editorial issues of reading another person's standup routine with no concept of their delivery. The whole thing just seemed like a bad idea.
Still, I read over his stuff Some of it was a little lewd, more than I would have expected, and the subject matter jumped all over. Medical jokes...computer jokes...sex jokes...all over the place. It was as though he had taken all these different subjects, written jokes about them, threw them into the barrels of a shotgun, fired them against the wall, and copied down what stuck. Some of the pieces were kinda mangled, but there were others that remained intact and retained their comedic merit.
Most of these were related to my friend's time as a medical student, and it started me thinking about how I would turn things that happened during my day into a comedy routine. After all, we're most able to poke fun at the things we know best.
For example:
I set my alarm at 5:30 in the morning to NPR. That early in the morning, it's the BBC World Report. The strange thing about listening to the British is that no matter what they're talking about, it always sounds dignified and proper to an American. A British news anchor could talk about the mating habits of the Australian fruit bat, and it would still sound like a Shakespeare reading to the average Joe on the street.
Later on in the car I heard an advertisement for Vermont Teddy Bears. "They're the perfect gift," the announcer said. "And they last forever." I found that terrifying. Centuries from now, when all the great cities have crumbled to dust, these bears will remain. A team of alien archaeologists will uncover a big stash of these customized bears and deduce two things: that we worshiped the great Sky Bear and that its name was MOM.
Work went well today. Only got called a dickhead twice...and hardly anything was thrown. At me anyway.
Seriously...the best thing I can compare my day with is drinking whiskey. The first few drinks don't go down easily, but by midday, it's all smooth sailing...until the hangover around 8th period. As soon as they walk through the door BAM Instant Headache. And I'm teaching in a haze of noise...when I dim the lights and turn on the overhead it's almost like a rave...only instead of ecstasy the kids are sniffing whiteout...and instead of German trance-techno, it's me rambling about atomic mass. And then, just when I think it's over and the sickness has passed...in comes ninth period. The extra double shot of Jack Daniels you really shouldn't have after a full day of drinking. And that's when I get completely sick of it all...fortunately I can recover by the next day to start the cycle again. Binge, purge, binge, purge...it's vaguely bulimic...but it's a living!
Yeah, I know. These are pretty dumb, and I still have a long way to go before I could make my big break on the standup circuit. But I need to start writing more of this stuff down. The funny stuff and not just the befuddling or frustrating stuff. (And believe me today, there really was a lot of that.) That's the big lesson. Or should I call it the punchline?
