Tales of the Invisible Ben

Best soundtrack...ever?

Ok cinemaphiles. Below you will find a list of songs from a movie recently screened in the Invisible Penthouse. See if you can figure out the film:

• "Spring" from The Four Seasons - Vivaldi
• Hit Me Baby One More Time - Britney Spears
  
• Helter Skelter - The Beatles
• My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
• Loves Me Like a Rock - Paul Simon
• Fire - Jimi Hendrix
• Won't Be Fooled Again - The Who
• Don't Stop Believing - Journey
  

Is this not among the most awesomely eclectic soundtracks ever? Does it not compare favorably to the work of Scorsese and Tarantino, each of whom used pop music to great effect in their respective work? Could this not be among the most singularly great movie soundtracks in recent memory?

Now the big question...what film is it? Sadly, this was something of a trick question. Because the film in question exists, as far as I know on at most half a dozen computers. It was created by a colleague of mine from my time in New Haven who has since become a private school teacher somewhere in the New York wilderness. (This should settle, once and for all, the question of what Ivy League classics majors do upon graduation.) Last week, he and his archaeologist girlfriend chanced to be in town visiting a local university. We caught up on old times and discussed the inherent kniftiness of Knossos (It's cool to call its inhabitants Cretans! I checked!) over dinner, and before the happy couple went off to another grad-student hosted archaeologically inspired soiree, they passed along a CD entitled "The Latin Movie."

"And what was this "Latin Movie"?" I hear you cry. It was a class project from my friend's seventh grade Latin class. And thankfully it was not actually spoken in Latin, or I would have been very confused. Instead, it presented the most wonderful cinematic representation of Hesiod's Theogony I believe I have seen in recent memory. Inspired casting, artful direction (complete with Gladiator style blurring effects for the climactic battle between the Olympians and the Titans), and as for the dialogue, well I think it speaks for itself:

• "Oh my God, my children have one eye...what's with that?"
• "And so the Cyclops...or was it Cyclopes...I don't know...were banished to Tartarus" [cue Britney Spears music.]
• "What are you eating? Nothing....just your sons and daughters... Look, with ketchup, they're really good!"
• "Hi, I have a baby that I would prefer not to be eaten and I was wondering if you could accommodate me."
• "As you might guess, regurgitating five adults is slightly weakening..."
• "What about me, Demeter, goddess of the harvest? I haven't said one line in this whole thing...this is the worst job ever. I might as well be teaching Latin to a bunch of seventh grade brats!"
• "Give us the crown, you stupid old man... You will give it to us, if you know what is good for you, baby...Can't we all just get along?...She's new."
• "[Zeus] I am your father...NOOOOOOOOOOO"
• "Eventually the gods realized that since everyone was immortal, they needed a new plan."

But by far my favorite part was the soundtrack, heavily influenced by my colleague's love of classic rock. What better music could be used to show Rhea's replacement of the baby Zeus than Paul Simon's entry on the list above? Or the use of The Who's anthem of disillusionment with the status quo to show the transition between Chronos and Zeus? Or my favorite, the use of Journey, with its lyrics reminding us that the "movie never ends" over the final credits and a reminder to keep on believing, for without belief, there are no gods.

Best student film I've seen since the days of the sock puppet epic in AP History class and a reminder not to stop believing in the creative abilities of my students. Over this spring break (which lasts until Tuesday), I will have to meditate upon that thought further.