Tuesday, February 08, 2005
New York's Finest Taxi Service
The third marking period began this past week at Underwood High School, and when a new marking period is beginning , can the last marking period's report cards be far behind? Now I'll be brutally honest here for a moment. I hate report cards. It's not the distribution of them per se. Or student reactions thereto. But after last marking period's fiasco, I was really dreading the possibility of another report card night. What can I say? I'm confident enough in my own incompetence as a teacher that I don't need to hear fifteen parents tell me that I have chosen the wrong profession.
Which is why I was so thrilled that report card night was canceled this marking period due to a clause in the teacher contract which requires employees of the school district to stay after school for only two conference nights during a year. And we've already done that. So no conference, life is good, right?
Well...it's a funny thing. On Monday, we receive the news that classes will be dismissed ten minutes early so students can go back to their homerooms and pick up their report cards. But despite my best efforts, I can't find my report cards. I spend my prep period looking for the ninth grade academy supervisor, but she's M.I.A. There are rumors that she's working in the roster office, but I had no time to pursue that avenue of questioning. Eventually I gave it up, figuring that more information would be forthcoming and lo and behold, end of the day, let's say 15 minutes or so, I get a visit from one of the department's English teachers and sometimes-disciplinarian. She brings me a stack of report cards, and I flip through. There are a lot fewer than the thirty that should be in my homeroom. Like about twenty less.
"Where, oh where could they be?" I hear you wondering out there in cyberspace.
And I confess, I had the same question.
So, I asked, and discovered the missing report cards were missing for a reason. Which is why after passing out and dismissing the ten kids whose report cards were in my possession, I read off the following letter from the ninth grade academy and the Underwood administrative team (paraphrased below for dramatic effect):
Dear Parent/Guardian,
Your son/daughter is suffering academically and is in danger of failing the ninth grade. You are receiving this letter because he/she is failing at least two courses this marking period. Effective immediately, your son/daughter is suspended. You will need to come in to school to pick up his/her report card and discuss possible remediation options to help him/her avoid his/her otherwise grusome academic fate...
Here are three possible meeting times for you to come in.
Looking forward to seeing you,
The Underwood Ninth Grade Team!
That's right. Every student in the Underwood Ninth Grade with two or more failing marks...suspended. Just like that. The kids went crazy...cussing, storming down the hallways. A few of them crashed into my classroom starting to ask for information on their grades, but I threw them out. I was not in the mood to argue. Besides, I was more interested in finding out the specifics. As I found out today, the total failure rate across the ninth grade was 74%. Nearly 3/4 of the ninth grade...failing two or more subjects. In an instant, 276 students had been evicted from the school. In one of the advisories I teach, all of the students were gone except for two. My lesson plans on momentum had to be scrapped. Why take the pains to teach five kids what would need to be retaught the next day anyway?
No, I took advantage of the opportunity to take some students to the lab. For the first time this year, as a reward, I took my freshmen to the lab. And we did some science. And it was good. Sure there were some snags, like kids who got reinstated ahead of schedule. But on the whole it was a good day. Even if I had to stay late to help out at the big parent meeting and listen to a few parents tell me how bad a teacher I was.
In terms of sheer artistry and ability to inspire fear among the student body, the whole suspension thing reminded of nothing so much as one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies...and I'll let con artist Verbal Kint wrap up this post with his summation of the vignette in question which involves criminals setting up a ring of corrupt Big Apple cops:
The third marking period began this past week at Underwood High School, and when a new marking period is beginning , can the last marking period's report cards be far behind? Now I'll be brutally honest here for a moment. I hate report cards. It's not the distribution of them per se. Or student reactions thereto. But after last marking period's fiasco, I was really dreading the possibility of another report card night. What can I say? I'm confident enough in my own incompetence as a teacher that I don't need to hear fifteen parents tell me that I have chosen the wrong profession.
Which is why I was so thrilled that report card night was canceled this marking period due to a clause in the teacher contract which requires employees of the school district to stay after school for only two conference nights during a year. And we've already done that. So no conference, life is good, right?
Well...it's a funny thing. On Monday, we receive the news that classes will be dismissed ten minutes early so students can go back to their homerooms and pick up their report cards. But despite my best efforts, I can't find my report cards. I spend my prep period looking for the ninth grade academy supervisor, but she's M.I.A. There are rumors that she's working in the roster office, but I had no time to pursue that avenue of questioning. Eventually I gave it up, figuring that more information would be forthcoming and lo and behold, end of the day, let's say 15 minutes or so, I get a visit from one of the department's English teachers and sometimes-disciplinarian. She brings me a stack of report cards, and I flip through. There are a lot fewer than the thirty that should be in my homeroom. Like about twenty less.
"Where, oh where could they be?" I hear you wondering out there in cyberspace.
And I confess, I had the same question.
So, I asked, and discovered the missing report cards were missing for a reason. Which is why after passing out and dismissing the ten kids whose report cards were in my possession, I read off the following letter from the ninth grade academy and the Underwood administrative team (paraphrased below for dramatic effect):
Dear Parent/Guardian,
Your son/daughter is suffering academically and is in danger of failing the ninth grade. You are receiving this letter because he/she is failing at least two courses this marking period. Effective immediately, your son/daughter is suspended. You will need to come in to school to pick up his/her report card and discuss possible remediation options to help him/her avoid his/her otherwise grusome academic fate...
Here are three possible meeting times for you to come in.
Looking forward to seeing you,
The Underwood Ninth Grade Team!
That's right. Every student in the Underwood Ninth Grade with two or more failing marks...suspended. Just like that. The kids went crazy...cussing, storming down the hallways. A few of them crashed into my classroom starting to ask for information on their grades, but I threw them out. I was not in the mood to argue. Besides, I was more interested in finding out the specifics. As I found out today, the total failure rate across the ninth grade was 74%. Nearly 3/4 of the ninth grade...failing two or more subjects. In an instant, 276 students had been evicted from the school. In one of the advisories I teach, all of the students were gone except for two. My lesson plans on momentum had to be scrapped. Why take the pains to teach five kids what would need to be retaught the next day anyway?
No, I took advantage of the opportunity to take some students to the lab. For the first time this year, as a reward, I took my freshmen to the lab. And we did some science. And it was good. Sure there were some snags, like kids who got reinstated ahead of schedule. But on the whole it was a good day. Even if I had to stay late to help out at the big parent meeting and listen to a few parents tell me how bad a teacher I was.
In terms of sheer artistry and ability to inspire fear among the student body, the whole suspension thing reminded of nothing so much as one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies...and I'll let con artist Verbal Kint wrap up this post with his summation of the vignette in question which involves criminals setting up a ring of corrupt Big Apple cops:
The papers got Keaton's call that day and were on the scene before the cops were.
Strausz and Rizzi were indicted three days later. Within a few weeks, fifty more cops
went down with them. It was beautiful...
