Monday, August 09, 2004
I just adore a penthouse view...
Producer 1: Check. Check one two. Hang on...let me check overhead mike 3. Test. Test. One two three. The bane of Spain was blowing up the Maine. Test, test, one two...getting some feedback. Check one. *snap* two *snap snap* three. Jerry, I'm getting some feedback here...ok. There we go. We're clear for broadcast.
Producer 2: About goddamn time! Get ready to cue Larry in three...
Announcer: Um...guys, I've got laryngitis...
Producer 2: Two....cue theme music and...
Announcer: And a bit of a headache...
Producer 3: (pointing finger at the booth)
Announcer: LIVE FROM HIS SPACIOUS NEW STUDIO APARTMENT...IT'S THE INVISIBLE BEN SHOW!
Audience: (Applause)
Announcer: (muttering) I will kill those producers...(basso profundo) AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST, INVISIBLE BEN!
Audience: (Stunned silence)
Announcer: The Invisible Ben Show is taped before a live audience.
Audience: (Stunned silence, the sound of crickets chirping)
Announcer: Really.
Audience: (the profound silence emanating from the inky void of space, a cicada whirrs)
Announcer: Ah, to hell with this, I'm getting a beer.
Producer 1: What the hell? Larry...get back here!
Invisible Ben: Hello, ladies and gentlemen and welcome back for another zany season of ups and downs, highs and lows, laughter and tears, hopes and fears, macaroni and cheese, and of course my biweekly treatments for manic depression.
Audience: (an aching empty darkness threatening to consume the soul of the heartbroken lover, somewhere in the distance a wildcat does howl)
Invisible Ben: Just kidding on that last one, folks! (Though my writers will likely need some mental hygiene work given your reaction to their work this evening.) Yes, we took a brief hiatus for the past week or two so that we could finalize the move to our luxurious new studio. Studio apartment that is. No longer are we located, as one pundit put it, "sketchville and not-bad-town"...instead we move towards the borders of suburbia, near swanky strip malls with mega-ultra-super markets and chain restaurants. And what better way to take in the opulence of the new surroundings then with a view from the 18th floor balcony? Nothing but verdant greenery of the neighboring park as far as the eye can see...until one's eyes reach the skyline on the horizon. A near perfect view of the major buildings including City Hall and the major bridges. The balcony has thus far also provided an excellent staging ground for the "Mercury" paper airplane missions. We remain dedicated to our goal, before the decade is through, of safely throwing a paper airplane across the regional rail tracks and of safely retrieving it.
Audience: (The whimsical nothingness of the mime running up the down escalator, Leviathan turns and the ground quivers)
Invisible Ben: Man...Even JFK references do nothing for you? Ah well...speaking of technical achievements, I should also mention that our show is now being produced using high tech WIRELESS equipment. Yes...wireless! Never mind that without a laptop, being wireless is about as versatile as a stringless yo-yo. Not that I'm knocking the speed or effectiveness of my connection...far from it, I love it (and it comes at a very reasonable price). I just think I'll like it more when I get a wireless card for my laptop and can blog from the balcony.
George Foreman: Don't forget to use my grill on the balcony for low-fat meals that taste great!
Invisible Ben: Where did you come from?
George Foreman: I'm your guest on tonight's show.
Invisible Ben: No you aren't. I told your agent no because you had too much exposure from infomercials and we try to be open to the little guy here...
George Foreman: I understand and respect that, but remember that unlike the little guy, I am a big guy who can easily kick your sorry...
Audience: (cheers echoing across the battlements, brass clashes, trumpets bray)
Invisible Ben: AAAH...?!? (thinks for a moment, regains moderate semblance of composure upon seeing audience reaction) Point well said. You may sit over there next to our other guests, the Micromachine announcer and cinematic icon and star of Pod People, Trumpy.
George Foreman: Aw man...but Trumpy can only do
Everyone: STUPID THINGS!
Invisible Ben: Yes, yes. (bemused chuckle) Hang on...seems like we lost the reader. Hello reader? Was that reference too obscure? That's ok. We do that here from time to time. We're sorry.
Let's get back to the subject under discussion, namely an update from the new studio. Where were we?
George Foreman: Grilling on the balcony!
Invisible Ben: Sadly no. Not unless an electric grill is involved. The lease forbids it as a (air quotes) "fire hazard." (end air quotes) However, the balcony also serves an excellent place to store things, like empty boxes. Or a bicycle. And given the convenience of nearby bike trails through the park, I intend to make full use of the latter throughout the fall. During the week however, I remain occupied with my nanotechnology research. I had a chance to a hearty South Asian lunch at my lab partner's house last weekend.
George Foreman: Was it grilled?
Invisible Ben: No...and cut that out. It was very spicy though...
Audience: How spicy was it?
Invisible Ben: (Wow...all it takes to liven up an audience is George Foreman and the implication of physical pain on my part!) Actually, it wasn't terribly spicy as I ate it...but the thing about South Asian cuisine is that it uses a lot of spices, like curry, that tend to build up on the tongue over time. And I had foolishly mentioned to my colleague that I enjoyed spicy food. Thus by the end of the meal, which consisted of over one dozen different dishes, I was both very full and very thirsty. And of course I got take home leftovers! Which is good, because I'm still transitioning from my old kitchen to my new one and have yet to puchase my own set of pots and pans.
Commercial Sign: Flashing
Invisible Ben: Ok ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to have to take a brief break now. But we'll be back sometime in the near future with another exciting edition of the show. In the meanwhile, a hearty shout-out to the folks at Crescat Sententia, who like myself refuse to add a comment section to their blog!
George Foreman: Maybe you'd get invited to more barbeques if you added comments.
Micromachines Announcer: GEORGEFOREMANISRIGHTANDHEREARETHIRTYSEVENREASONSWHYIBELIEVETHATTHISISONUMBERONEGREATERSOCIALINTERACTIONINEVITABLYLEADSTO
Invisible Ben: Ok, that's enough social commentary for you, George Foreman. We'll be back with Trumpy, Ambassador Pinky of Freedonia, the Micromachines announcer, and barbeque wielding bully, George Foreman after this break.
Announcer: THE INVISIBLE BEN SHOW WILL RETURN AFTER A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS ONCE I'VE PERSONALLY HUNTED DOWN THOSE PRODUCERS...AND THEIR FAMILIES.
(END TRANSMISSION)
Producer 1: Check. Check one two. Hang on...let me check overhead mike 3. Test. Test. One two three. The bane of Spain was blowing up the Maine. Test, test, one two...getting some feedback. Check one. *snap* two *snap snap* three. Jerry, I'm getting some feedback here...ok. There we go. We're clear for broadcast.
Producer 2: About goddamn time! Get ready to cue Larry in three...
Announcer: Um...guys, I've got laryngitis...
Producer 2: Two....cue theme music and...
Announcer: And a bit of a headache...
Producer 3: (pointing finger at the booth)
Announcer: LIVE FROM HIS SPACIOUS NEW STUDIO APARTMENT...IT'S THE INVISIBLE BEN SHOW!
Audience: (Applause)
Announcer: (muttering) I will kill those producers...(basso profundo) AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST, INVISIBLE BEN!
Audience: (Stunned silence)
Announcer: The Invisible Ben Show is taped before a live audience.
Audience: (Stunned silence, the sound of crickets chirping)
Announcer: Really.
Audience: (the profound silence emanating from the inky void of space, a cicada whirrs)
Announcer: Ah, to hell with this, I'm getting a beer.
Producer 1: What the hell? Larry...get back here!
Invisible Ben: Hello, ladies and gentlemen and welcome back for another zany season of ups and downs, highs and lows, laughter and tears, hopes and fears, macaroni and cheese, and of course my biweekly treatments for manic depression.
Audience: (an aching empty darkness threatening to consume the soul of the heartbroken lover, somewhere in the distance a wildcat does howl)
Invisible Ben: Just kidding on that last one, folks! (Though my writers will likely need some mental hygiene work given your reaction to their work this evening.) Yes, we took a brief hiatus for the past week or two so that we could finalize the move to our luxurious new studio. Studio apartment that is. No longer are we located, as one pundit put it, "sketchville and not-bad-town"...instead we move towards the borders of suburbia, near swanky strip malls with mega-ultra-super markets and chain restaurants. And what better way to take in the opulence of the new surroundings then with a view from the 18th floor balcony? Nothing but verdant greenery of the neighboring park as far as the eye can see...until one's eyes reach the skyline on the horizon. A near perfect view of the major buildings including City Hall and the major bridges. The balcony has thus far also provided an excellent staging ground for the "Mercury" paper airplane missions. We remain dedicated to our goal, before the decade is through, of safely throwing a paper airplane across the regional rail tracks and of safely retrieving it.
Audience: (The whimsical nothingness of the mime running up the down escalator, Leviathan turns and the ground quivers)
Invisible Ben: Man...Even JFK references do nothing for you? Ah well...speaking of technical achievements, I should also mention that our show is now being produced using high tech WIRELESS equipment. Yes...wireless! Never mind that without a laptop, being wireless is about as versatile as a stringless yo-yo. Not that I'm knocking the speed or effectiveness of my connection...far from it, I love it (and it comes at a very reasonable price). I just think I'll like it more when I get a wireless card for my laptop and can blog from the balcony.
George Foreman: Don't forget to use my grill on the balcony for low-fat meals that taste great!
Invisible Ben: Where did you come from?
George Foreman: I'm your guest on tonight's show.
Invisible Ben: No you aren't. I told your agent no because you had too much exposure from infomercials and we try to be open to the little guy here...
George Foreman: I understand and respect that, but remember that unlike the little guy, I am a big guy who can easily kick your sorry...
Audience: (cheers echoing across the battlements, brass clashes, trumpets bray)
Invisible Ben: AAAH...?!? (thinks for a moment, regains moderate semblance of composure upon seeing audience reaction) Point well said. You may sit over there next to our other guests, the Micromachine announcer and cinematic icon and star of Pod People, Trumpy.
George Foreman: Aw man...but Trumpy can only do
Everyone: STUPID THINGS!
Invisible Ben: Yes, yes. (bemused chuckle) Hang on...seems like we lost the reader. Hello reader? Was that reference too obscure? That's ok. We do that here from time to time. We're sorry.
Let's get back to the subject under discussion, namely an update from the new studio. Where were we?
George Foreman: Grilling on the balcony!
Invisible Ben: Sadly no. Not unless an electric grill is involved. The lease forbids it as a (air quotes) "fire hazard." (end air quotes) However, the balcony also serves an excellent place to store things, like empty boxes. Or a bicycle. And given the convenience of nearby bike trails through the park, I intend to make full use of the latter throughout the fall. During the week however, I remain occupied with my nanotechnology research. I had a chance to a hearty South Asian lunch at my lab partner's house last weekend.
George Foreman: Was it grilled?
Invisible Ben: No...and cut that out. It was very spicy though...
Audience: How spicy was it?
Invisible Ben: (Wow...all it takes to liven up an audience is George Foreman and the implication of physical pain on my part!) Actually, it wasn't terribly spicy as I ate it...but the thing about South Asian cuisine is that it uses a lot of spices, like curry, that tend to build up on the tongue over time. And I had foolishly mentioned to my colleague that I enjoyed spicy food. Thus by the end of the meal, which consisted of over one dozen different dishes, I was both very full and very thirsty. And of course I got take home leftovers! Which is good, because I'm still transitioning from my old kitchen to my new one and have yet to puchase my own set of pots and pans.
Commercial Sign: Flashing
Invisible Ben: Ok ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to have to take a brief break now. But we'll be back sometime in the near future with another exciting edition of the show. In the meanwhile, a hearty shout-out to the folks at Crescat Sententia, who like myself refuse to add a comment section to their blog!
George Foreman: Maybe you'd get invited to more barbeques if you added comments.
Micromachines Announcer: GEORGEFOREMANISRIGHTANDHEREARETHIRTYSEVENREASONSWHYIBELIEVETHATTHISISONUMBERONEGREATERSOCIALINTERACTIONINEVITABLYLEADSTO
Invisible Ben: Ok, that's enough social commentary for you, George Foreman. We'll be back with Trumpy, Ambassador Pinky of Freedonia, the Micromachines announcer, and barbeque wielding bully, George Foreman after this break.
Announcer: THE INVISIBLE BEN SHOW WILL RETURN AFTER A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS ONCE I'VE PERSONALLY HUNTED DOWN THOSE PRODUCERS...AND THEIR FAMILIES.
(END TRANSMISSION)
