Tales of the Invisible Ben

Hello, all...

The Invisible Ben here, dusting off his keyboard once again, to celebrate the holidays the only way I know how, by subjecting the half dozen people who still remember this site exists to fiendishly difficult trivia questions. Believe it or not, this is the tenth incarnation of this blog's movie quote contest. Much has changed since December 2003, when a stressed-out science teacher latched on to the idea of resurrecting a tradition from his high school retail job as a means of escaping the bleak realities of the classroom.

My Underwood days are well behind me now. No longer do I wake up, as I did then, dreading the howls of the students or the Kafkaesque madness of school district policies. New anxieties have arisen during the intervening decade, most recently confusion over the exact process through which a dissertation is transformed into a book, fears about the academic job market, and profound uncertainty as to where I will end up after this year.

Nothing in my life is certain except for death, taxes, and if my mail from last week is any evidence, jury duty.  (Yes...again. For those keeping track, this marks at least the fourth time in five years that I have received a summons.) But even though my future is a chaotic mess, I can at least ensure that for you, gentle readers, this one tradition will remain intact.

Below, you will find 50 quotations from 50 different movies. Identify the sources of as many as you can, without referring to outside resources. Post your answers in the comments below, and the top scorer will receive a coveted Invisible Award to place on their mantle.

In the meanwhile, I wish you all peace of mind, good health, and happy holidays.

1. “May the odds be ever in your favor.”

2. “Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not 'every man for himself,' and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.”

3. “Of course, you won't be able to lie on your back for a while, but then you can lie from any position, can't you?”

4. “Can you keep a secret? I'm trying to organize a prison break. I'm looking for, like, an accomplice. We have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out?”

5. “Reference department, Miss Blair. Oh, yes, we've looked that up for you, and there are certain poisons which leave no trace, but it's network policy not to mention them on our programs."

6. “A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep.”

7. “Honestly, Bill, that child hasn't got a clue about my life, not a single clue.”

8. “Wish you could see the headlines, 'British agent murders beautiful Russian spy, then commits suicide.'”

9. “I would have never done it, Lisbeth. But I understand why you did. I don't know what you have experienced. But I was about to die in that cellar, and you saved my life. Whatever you have seen, you don't need to tell me. I'm just happy that you're here.”

10. “You mean...I'm a...I'm a janitor?”

“Why of course not! My boy, you are a WB-1074 apprentice janitor!”

11. “Whoa, she's already got him! Now, let's see how long it takes her to hogtie this sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot. Five seconds! Just five seconds! And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, five seconds for Miss Doralee Rhodes!”

12. “Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?”

“Because it's dull, you twit! It'll hurt more.”

13. “If you didn't see him... he's there.”

14. “A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a little boy's shoulders to let him know that the world hadn't ended.”

15. “It is my understanding that the Constitution of the United States allows everybody the free choice between cheesecake and strudel.”

16. “I call them the Strangers. They abducted us and brought us here. This city, everyone in it, is their experiment.”

17. “But I don't want to be miniaturized!”

“It's just for an hour.”

“Not even for a minute!”

18. “You will soon be a King, you must start to think like one. Any man can kill, only a King can give life!”

19. “Oh, sir. I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff, Did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way. It was a run-by fruiting! I'll get them, sir. Don't worry.”

20. “I don't know my way home.”

“That's okay. I don't either.”

21. “I'm not sure George is wrong about automobiles. With all their speed forward they may be a step backward in civilization. May be that they won't add to the beauty of the world or the life of the men's souls, I'm not sure. But automobiles have come and almost all outwards things will be different because of what they bring.”

22. “They talk about flat-footed policemen. May the saints protect us from the gifted amateur.”

23. “I'm having a rough time. As long as I was lying to her, everything was fine. The minute I decided to do the right thing and marry her, I've had troubles. You wouldn't believe the complications. It's like waltzing in wet cement.”

24. “Hate is a very exciting emotion. Haven't you noticed? Very exciting. I hate you too, Johnny. I hate you so much I think I'm going to die from it. Darling...I think I'm going to die from it.”

25. “Even if this was not a law, which it is, I'm afraid I would have a lot of difficulty endorsing an enterprise which is as fraught with genuine peril as I believe this one to be. Besides the liquor and the drugs which always seem to accompany such an event the thing that distresses me even more, Ren, is the spiritual corruption that can be involved.”

26. “I decided to come to camp, because I've never been much of a person. I thought maybe coming to camp would help me grow up, and maybe make me into a leader. I could use leadership qualities.”

“You could say that again, Chuck. You couldn't lead a dog on a leash.”

27. “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.”

28. “I taught some of the stupidest children God ever put on the face of this earth, and all of them could read well enough to find a name on a tombstone.”

29. “I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too.”

30. “As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.”

31. “Fifty pounds! A very worthy sum on a very worthy question. Can a play show us the very truth and nature of love? I bear witness to the wager, and will be the judge of it as occasion arises. I have not seen anything to settle it yet.”

32. “I'm an architect for Christ's sake! I build 50 story skyscrapers. I assemble cities of the future. I can certainly put together a goddamn diaper!”

33. “We're not so different, you and I. We've both spent our lives looking for the weakness in one another's systems. Don't you think it's time to recognize there is as little worth on your side as there is on mine?”

34. “I was 12 going on 13 the first time I saw a dead human being.”

35. “Heterochromia was in reference to your eyes which I have to say are stunning. One green, one blue. It's a mutation. It's a very groovy mutation.”

36. “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

37. “The most important thing to remember is: to protect your quarterback...ME!”

38. “A game-legged old man and a drunk. That's all you got?”

39. “So of all the toys in the store you wanted a friend. If you want a friend, you don't buy a friend, Eric, you earn a friend through love and trust and respect.”

40. “Define irony. Bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.”

41. “I catch you lookin' at my wife's 'Pongo Pygmaeus' once more, I'm gonna break you in half.”

42. “What's this for? For being an honest cop?...Or for being stupid enough to get shot in the face? You tell them that they can shove it.”

43. “I'm applying for a villain loan. I go by Vector. It's a mathematical term, represented by an arrow with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, because I commit crimes with both direction and magnituide. Oh yeah!”

44. “Mary Anne, you listen to this. 'You didn't beat nobody and anybody who knows boxing knows the fight was fixed.' This one came from London. 'You call yourself the champ? You're a fake! The fight was a fake. Go kill yourself!'”

45. “Brace yourself, sisters. Spread out and look for Mary Clarence. Try to blend in.”

46. “Admirable, my Lord. You, who would soon rule the world, allow a ghost to frighten you.”

47. “Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I wanna try it.”

48. “Gentlemen of the court, there are times that I'm ashamed to be a member of the human race and this is one such occasion.”

49. “The same pictogram, showing men worshiping giant beings pointing to the stars was discovered at every last one of them. The only galactic system that matched, was so far from earth, that there's no way that these primitive ancient civilizations could have possibly known about. But it just so happens, that system has a sun, a lot like ours.”

50. “Marvin...what do we do now?”