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Friday, February 29, 2008

Blame the Astronomer Royal!

Breaking Internet silence for a moment to commemorate my favorite quadrennial astronomical anomaly. And what better way to celebrate leap year than with its most famous appearance in Victorian light opera?






For those of you who are less than impressed by Kevin Kline and Angela Lansbury's performances can consider whether former pirate Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, fresh off their recent cinematic musical experience would do any better. Or, if you prefer something slightly more academic, consider the following chronological paradox.

Given that...

  1. 1900 was not a leap year.
  2. Frederic was celebrating the end of his 21st year on earth in Act I.
  3. Frederic found out about his year/birthday complications in Act II and told Mabel shortly afterwards that his 21st birthday would not be reached until 1940.
  4. Major-General Stanley told the pirates that he could whistle all the airs from "Pinafore".
  5. "Pinafore" premiered in May, 1878, a mere 6 months after the premiere of "Sorcerer".
  6. If Frederic's 21st birthday was, indeed, in 1940, his birth date would be 88 years earlier (not 84 years, because 1900 was not a leap year), i.e. in 1852. This would put Act I of "Pirates" (21 years later) in 1873, well before "Pinafore" was conceived. Therefore, if Frederic was right about 1940, the Major-General was wrong, and vice-versa - a most ingenious paradox.

Now answer these 3 questions:
1. When is Frederic's birthday?
2. When did Frederic get released from his dread employment?
3. Why would a bunch of Wards in Chancery go flouncing about on a British beach in February? Don't they know the North Atlantic is not suitable for wading at that time of year?

[For a much more detailed discussion, and the source of the above quoted series of "considerations", see the Pirates of Penzance discussion on Savoynet.]

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Sunday, February 17, 2008

Wikipedia Bloopers: The New Deal Edition
Yes, folks, one of this blog's long abandoned copyrighted features is back from the dead thanks to this article I just retrieved concerning the Civilian Conservation Corps.
See if you can find at least three errors.



Civilian Conservation Corps
(CCC) was a work relief program for young men from unemployed families, established on your mom March 19, 1933 by U.S. Presidentryan was here Franklin D. Roosevelt. As part of Roosevelt's New Deal legislation, it was designed to combat poverty and unemployment caused by the Great Depression. The CCC became one of the most popular New Deal programs among the general public and operated in every U.S. state and several territories. The separate Indian Division said i like eggs, was a major relief force for Native American reservations during the Depression.
(Retrieved from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civilian_Conservation_Corps, 1:15 PM EST)



Some thoughts:
1. U.S. Presidentryan wasn't elected until after he had established his credibility as an action hero through the so-called "Redoctober" incident in the 1980s.
2. Your mom wasn't even born in March 1933. And even if she were, she wouldn't let some new-fangled liberal work relief program get founded on her. Not even if the government asked nicely. (Especially not if they asked nicely!)
3. The Indian Division had high cholesterol and did not enjoy eggs. They preferred EggBeaters.

And now I should get back to work.

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Monday, February 11, 2008

Movie Quote Answers...Still Fresh Ten Days Later

Hey folks. Sorry, nothing particularly substantive in today's blog post beyond the answers to the past year's movie quote quiz. Among the regular readers of this blog, the winner was my lovely and charming girlfriend who successfully identified the cinematic sources of 22 of these cinematic classics. I admit, she has a slight advantage, having seen many of them with me (sometimes under duress), but all is fair in love and trivia.

Anyhow, let me know in the comments section if any of these now seem a lot more familiar with the answers in front of you...

1. “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?”
Wargames

2. “Would ya just watch the hair?!? Ya know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it. He hits my hair.”
Saturday Night Fever

3. “The embryo did split in two, but it didn't split equally. All the purity and strength went into Julius. All the crap that was left over went into what you see in the mirror every morning.”
Twins

4. “Did you feed them after midnight?”
Gremlins

5. “It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by a pack of wild boars and the world is still glad to be rid of him.”
South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut

6. “Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!”
Auntie Mame

7. “Finally Chef Gusteau has found his rightful place in history alongside another equally famous chef - Monsieur Boyardee.”
Ratatouille

8. “Master betrayed us. Wicked. Tricksy, False. We ought to wring his filthy little neck. Kill him! Kill him! Kill them both! And then we take the precious, and we be the master!”
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

9. “May I take the pleasure of introducing Mr. J. Widdecombe Billows, the inventor of the Billows Feeding Machine, a practical device which automatically feeds your men while at work? Don't stop for lunch: be ahead of your competitor.”
Modern Times (Yes, silent movies can have quotes too...although this one is technically spoken.)

10. “No! No, they cannot watch the show from backstage. That's it! That's what's been missing from the show! That's what we need! More frogs and dogs and bears and chickens and... and whatever!”
The Muppets Take Manhattan

11. “You know, you're quite famous in London, Colonel. They call you Concentration Camp Ehrhardt.”
To Be or Not To Be

12. “Is Danny not son of Sikander?”
“No Billy, he’s a man like you and me. He can break wind at both ends simultaneous, which I’m willing to bet is more than any god can do.”
The Man Who Would Be King

13. “You think I'd be here if I thought it was a mistake? Taking a chance on 20 years in Leavenworth for making dates with the company commander's wife?”
From Here to Eternity

14. “Let them see what kind of a person I am. I'm not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching... they'll see. They'll see and they'll know, and they'll say, ‘Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly...’”
Psycho

15. “From now on the essence of this hotel will be speed. If a customer asks you for a three-minute egg, give it to him in two minutes. If he asks you for a two-minute egg, give it to him in one minute. If he asks you for a one-minute egg, give him the chicken and let him work it out for himself!”
A Night in Casablanca

16. “I met him fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding in even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong.”
Halloween

17. “Sorry, Death, you lose! It was Professor Plum!”
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

18. “You bring the crowns and heads of conquered kings to my city steps. You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same!”
300

19. “There are things on your boat that no one has ever seen. These shells, the music box and the reflecting glass. Well, if not from dry land, then where? Where?”
Waterworld

20. “I read where you were shot 5 times in the tabloids.”
“It's not true. He didn't come anywhere near my tabloids.”
The Thin Man

21. “Come and see Herbie Stempel get thrown to the Columbia lions! Watch Charles Van Doren eat his first kosher meal.”
Quiz Show (which of course featured a TV program named...21)

22. “Fact is, your looking at the source of the modern age. The microchip, lasers, space flight all reverse engineered by studying him. NBE1, that’s what we call him.”
Transformers

23. “Isn't it funny? You hear a phone ringing and it could be anybody. But a ringing phone has to be answered, doesn't it?”
Phone Booth

24. “Get on that stool and put the rope around your neck. I have a different system, my friend. I don't shoot the rope, I shoot the legs from under the stool.”
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

25. Well, dat's da foist thing ya gotta learn - headlines don't sell papes.”
Newsies

26. “How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid?”
Kramer v. Kramer

27. “He has gastric cancer, but doesn't yet know it...He just drifts through life. In fact, he's barely alive.”
Ikiru

28. “I'm like Cat here, a no-name slob. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other.”
Breakfast at Tiffany's

29. “Me? I've had so many names. Old names that only the wind and the trees can pronounce. I am the mountain, the forest and the earth. I am. . .I am a faun. Your most humble servant, Your Highness.”
Pan's Labyrinth

30. “But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.”
Queens!
Coming to America

31. “This is the scroll of the Buddhist Palm. It's priceless. But as it's fate, I'll let you have it for $10.”
Kung Fu Hustle

32. “Well, this is what we Normans like - good food, good company, and a beautiful woman to flatter me.”
The Adventures of Robin Hood

33. “All right, maybe we got the same jaw, but the same jaw don’t mean the same blood. I know a woman who looks like a bullfrog but that don't mean she's the damn thing's mother.”
Paper Moon

34. “I seen me a stripper with one breast. And I seen me a stripper with twelve toes. I've even seen me a stripper with no brains at all, but I ain't never seen a one-legged stripper. And I've been to Morocco.”
Grindhouse (Also acceptable: Planet Terror)

35. “Kane will be a dead man in half an hour and nobody's gonna do anything about it. And when he dies, this town dies too.”
High Noon (NOT Citizen Kane!)

36. “As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden. “
Being There

37. Mick, give him your wallet.
What for?
He's got a knife.
That’s not a knife.
Crocodile Dundee

38. “The horse is too small, the jockey too big, the trainer too old, and I'm too dumb to know the difference.”
Seabiscuit

39. “If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
To Kill a Mockingbird

40. “First I'll access the secret military spy satellite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I'll ID the limo by the vanity plate "MR. BIGGG" and get his approximate position. Then I'll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR 4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal back into the aerosphere up to COMSAT 6, beam it back to SATCOM 2 transmitter number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big's limo... It's almost too easy.”
Wayne's World

41. “I apologize for leaving without saying goodbye, but I seem to have outstayed my welcome in Colorado. The truly extraordinary is not permitted in science and industry. Perhaps you'll find more luck in your field, where people are happy to be mystified.”
The Prestige

42. “I am Torgo, I take care of the place while the Master is away.”
Manos: The Hands of Fate

43. “The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultraviolence.”
A Clockwork Orange

44. “You see, this is my life! It always will be! Nothing else! Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark...”
Sunset Boulevard

45. “I'm going out on the road to find out what it's like to be poor and needy and then I'm going to make a picture about it.”
Sullivan's Travels

46. “If you think I'm going to Delhi with you, or anyplace else after all the trouble you've gotten me into, think again, buster! I'm going home to Missouri where they never feed you snakes before ripping your heart out and lowering you into hot pits!”
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

47. “So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money.”
Fargo

48. You hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you.
Shut up and deal.
The Apartment

49. “When I was growing up, they would say you could become cops or criminals. But what I'm saying is this. When you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?”
The Departed

50. “So let it be written, so let it be done.”
The Ten Commandments

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Friday, February 01, 2008

The Shortest Month, The Longest Semester

In our last exciting episode, our hero had sworn that he would blog more regularly in the coming weeks rather than let it dwindle into nothingness. Passion...excitement...drama...commitment...all of these are abstract nouns that could be worked into a well-written TV-style recap describing this post.

But then, despite what for this blog would be considered a veritable flood of comments indicating sustained reader interest...the fervor died and the blogger retreated once more into solitude.

The reason? The aforementioned research paper mostly. Like most of my papers, this one ended up running slightly longer than expected. And by slightly longer, I mean more than twice as long as required. I confess that I found this rather frustrating, but such is the price one pays for making original and potentially significant contributions to the historical record. You have to write as much as needed to recount the story completely, because otherwise it will never get told properly. Of course, if my professors conclude that my research is neither original nor significant, this entire justification falls apart, but we'll cross that bridge when the time comes.

The original plan was to turn in this paper today, February 1st. This did not happen, but I can state with relative certainty that a draft will be submitted by the beginning of next week. The rationale is simple. That's when classes start, and I need to get it turned in and out of the way so I can focus on my other work. And by classes, I mean one class--singular. And by work, I refer to reading for that class...but mostly to my general exams.

Yes. This spring, the most grueling academic endeavor of my entire life to this point will begin. General exams. 200 books. 3 months. 1 week of written testing followed by a 2 hour discussion that determines whether or not I get a master's degree and get to continue on in this program or if I must bid Old Ivy farewell and find some other use of my talents.

If all else fails, I could always be a doorman.

As you might imagine, I'm looking forward to this whole thing with the sort of enthusiasm usually reserved for major dental surgeries. And just like surgery, I know that it's necessary and that I'll probably feel better afterward. But the actual process is rather intimidating. I've been given all sorts of strategies...break up lists thematically, read a few books really carefully and skim the rest, utilize book reviews strategically, and so forth. I have no idea exactly how to proceed. And I think that's the worst part of all.

Because I have about a week to get my act together and figure out my reading strategy. What's worse, no matter which strategy I pick, I fear that my semester will be a lonely time. Reading 3-4 books a day for 3 months is not known to encourage socialization.

I'm not sure exactly what role this blog will play during the generals process. But in case I disappear again for a few weeks, now you know why.

Oh, and I'm going to post the answers to this year's movie quote contest in the next day or two...Seriously this time. It's been too long.

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