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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Where's the beep?

I have a morning routine. Probably so do you. It's the sort of thing you develop over time. I'm not sure exactly how long it takes to form one.
Mine has been relatively consistent since classes ended in December. I can't be certain how it will change when they start up again next week.
I set my alarm for 8 in the morning. The other two people in the Invisible Commune are done showering and such by then, so I'm certain that I can go downstairs and shower.
Normally I turn on my computer beforehand so that when I come back I can eat breakfast, check my e-mail, etc. before leaving for the library at 9, working from about 9:15 until...whenever I finish, normally around 8-8:30 and then come home for dinner.
It's not glamorous, but I never signed up for that sort of thing. I'm a grad student, remember?

The routine isn't perfect...but it works. Normally. Today it did not. After I turned on the computer, I heard a strange CLICK-CLICK noise but no beep indicating that the BIOS had been turned on and the computer was booting. Just the whirring of the CD drives and that odd click click noise. No beep.

Where's the beep?

This was not a good thing. I fiddled with the computer for a little bit.

I reset it. No beep.
I unplugged everything and replugged it back in. No beep.
I opened up the case, checked the fan, tried again. No beep.
I unplugged the power cables to the CD drive. No strange clicking noise...still no beep.
I called the Invisible Dad for advice since he can make machines behave just by talking to them over a phone. No beep.

In short, my loyal desktop computer, which had been working fine when I went to be the previous night was dead.

Well, beep!

My morning routine was shot to hell and gone. I ended up taking the computer to the local shopping center where I got to fight crazy Vista-hungry businessmen for support from the techies behind the counter. Of course, they wouldn't tell me what was wrong then. No. I would have to leave my computer for up to 72 hours while they tinkered with it. And oh yeah, it costs about $100 just to diagnose the problem. Not necessarily to fix it. Just to diagnose it!

By the time I got back and walked to the library, it was noon. I hadn't eaten breakfast. I had an orange for lunch. My current paper is driving me insane. People keep telling me that I am capable of writing this thing, but I hit a mental block around 8 PM this evening and just stopped. It looks like I'm not going to be able to finish a draft before classes start next week, which leaves me in a bad spot.

And my computer is dead. And I don't want to invest in Vista if I can avoid it because you know it's probably full of security problems and buggy programming...not to mention it's function as Microsoft's latest attempt to rule the world.

So for now I'm making due on my little laptop computer. And you'd best believe my current outline/rough draft is handwritten. I'm not taking any more chances, thank you very much.

Of course tomorrow my routine is going to be all thrown off. I guess I'll have to cope.

Beep.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

America's 2nd Most Popular Game Show

Tonight I participated in an online contestant search for Jeopardy. After many years of hearing people tell me I should, I finally did...and I think it went pretty well. They asked fifty short answer questions on a variety of different subjects, ranging from the academic to the trivial. Off the top of my head, there were only a handful that I'm sure I got wrong. However, since they do not tell potential contestants their score, I will never be entirely certain. Assuming I passed, I now get to wait for them to go through all the thousands of tests and hope that they pick my name out at random so that I can attend an in-person try out and MAYBE get called to go on the show.

Obviously, the odds are not in my favor, but it would be pretty cool if things worked out. If there is any movement on this front, rest assured you'll be among the first to know.

Monday, January 22, 2007

A Superstitious and Cowardly Loft

The winter has been going surprisingly well here at the Invisible Commune, especially since the heat was finally fixed. It turns out that there was a bad fan in the basement so although the oil heater was going full blast, none of that heat was reaching my bedroom on the third floor. I think there's still a vent closed in the second floor bathroom, which I happen to use in the mornings, but otherwise the climate has been fine, both for myself and the other residents.

And not just the human residents! The house's black cat, Pluto, has been luxuriating its way through the winter. I'm not a huge fan of cats. Blame it on having been snuck up on, scratched, and otherwise creeped out by the genus Felis over the years. Nonetheless, this cat has been relatively bearable besides occasionally jumping onto the counter when I'm trying to cook. Also, for some reason, even though it has its own cat door in the basement the cat still knows exactly when I'm returning from the library, skitters up the driveway ahead of me and waits for me to let it in. It has its own door! Why I am I even part of this equation?

Honestly, though, I should be glad we have a cat given the very real possibility of mice. Unfortunately, even the bravest cat would have trouble with what happened a few weeks ago while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. As we chatted amiably about this and that, I suddenly saw a flitting movement out of the corner of my eye, behind me and above my line of vision.

The following is a paraphrased summary of the conversation which followed:

Me: Um...that was weird.
Girlfriend: What?
Me: I thought I just saw something.
Girlfriend: Oh?
Me (turning around): Yeah...it was...oh. Um...you're not going to believe this.
Girlfriend: What?
Me: It's a bat.
Girlfriend: What?!?
Me: A bat. It's flying around my room.
Girlfriend: Can you open a window?
Me: Hold on. I'll deal with it. Let me get my umbrella.
Girlfriend: What are you going to do with an umbrella.
Me: Ok...found it. It's really flying around here. (WHAP) Ok...I think I stunned it.
Girlfriend: Seriously?
Me: Yeah. I hit it with my umbrella and it crash landed on my bookcase and stopped flying around.
Girlfriend: What are you going to do now?
Me: Hang on (opening door) Hey Ron, could you come here a minute [fellow member of the commune/my next door neighbor]
Ron: Sure...what's up?
Me: Um...there's a bat in my room.
Ron: A bat?
Me: A bat. See?
Ron: Oh. Yeah...that's a bat alright.
Girlfriend: You want to go deal with that?
Me: Sure, I'll call you back.

It turns out this was not the first time there was a bat in my room. In fact, the last person who lived here kept a net to deal with his flying rodent problem. Between the two of us, we were able to trap the still stunned bat on my bookshelf and Ron was able to run it outside and release it.

Traditionally, the invasion of one's apartment by a bat is a momentous occasion, the kind of event of which superhero origin stories are made. In this case, however, I was more than glad to remove the extra resident from my nice, warm apartment and retreat once again to my work. I've kept the net though...just in case.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Movie Quote Answers

Well, folks...it's been a month since I posted the most recent edition of the Invisible Ben Movie Quote Contest. This year, of course, was extra special because I actually opened up the event for commenters. Given the amount of discussion the contest provoked in previous years on other blogs' comments sections, I was hoping that people would leap at the opportunity to post. But either I was too late hopping on the comment bandwagon or my readership has dwindled...or both, because after a month, there were only 7 comments. And one of these was the Sleeper chiding me to post more regularly.

Which is not to say that people didn't do well in this year's contest. I passed the list around to some folks here at Old Ivy and none of them held a candle to the people who posted below. No one even broke 10, which says something about the quality of students they have here...most of them are far too busy being brilliant to indulge in such mindless procastination. The top scorer from the comments below was my charming and wonderful girlfriend who had a confirmed 22, beating out the entire Invisible Family by 4.

Unfortunately for her, however, she was not the winner due to some submissions received via the InvisiblE-mail. In fact, we have a tie for first place. Neither of the overall top scorers this year felt like posting a comment, however, preferring instead to remain smugly above such vulgar demonstrations of their pop culture prowess.

Congratulations go out anyhow to the Scotsman and the Blogger of Justice, both of whom correctly identified 31 of the 50 movies below from the quotes. Extra kudos (or as my former principal would say kudo's...as in "belonging to kudo") go out to the Scotsman, the first repeat winner of the Invisible Ben Movie Quote Contest. 2003 and 2006. Good show.

All right, that's it for this year's movie quote contest. Here are your answers:

1. You were in a 4g inverted dive with a MiG28?
Top Gun

2. Getta your tootsie-frootsie ice cream!
A Day at the Races

3. What are you doing here?
A very brief cameo.
Me too.
The Great Muppet Caper

4. We were talking about automobile insurance, only you were thinking about murder.
Double Indemnity

5. I've never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it's most unusual!
Roman Holiday

6. I was the equivalent of a 98 pound weakling. I would go to the beach and people would kick copies of Byron in my face!
Dead Poets Society

7. Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.
Dracula

8. Think of your children pledging allegiance to the maple leaf. Mayonnaise on everything. Winter eleven months of the year. Anne Murray...all day, every day.
Canadian Bacon

9. You'll be able to spit nails, kid. Like the guy says, you're gonna eat lightning and you're gonna crap thunder.
Rocky

10. You've seen a general inspecting troops before haven't you? Just walk slow, act dumb, and look stupid!
The Dirty Dozen

11. I am not going to New York to meet some woman who could be a crazy, sick lunatic! Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?
Sleepless in Seattle

12. Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.
Dogma

13. Personally, Veda's convinced me that alligators have the right idea. They eat their young.
Mildred Pierce

14. One more thing, Sofie... is she aware her daughter is still alive?
Kill Bill: Volume 1

15. I suddenly remembered my Charlemagne. Let my armies be the rocks and the trees and the birds in the sky!
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

16. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

17. Two penguins are standing on an ice floe. The first penguin says, you look like you're wearing a tuxedo. The second penguin says, what makes you think I'm not?
A Prairie Home Companion

18. You still picking your feet in Poughkeepsie?
The French Connection

19. Why didn't you take off all your clothes? You could have stopped forty cars.
Oh, I'll remember that when we need forty cars.
It Happened One Night

20. "H" for "Hurry," "E" for "'Ergent,'" "L" for "Love me," and "P" for "P-P-P-Please help!"
Yellow Submarine

21. Hey. Hold it. Now, are we actually gonna go before a federal judge, and tell him that some moldy Babylonian God is going to drop in on Central Park West, and start tearing up the city?
Sumerian, not Babylonian.
Ghostbusters

22. Not only does he know how to treat his editor-in-chief with the proper respect, not only does he have a snappy, punchy prose style, but he is, in my forty years in this business, the fastest typist I've ever seen.
Superman

23. I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
Zoolander

24. Walther PPK, 7.65 millimeter. Only three men I know of use such a gun. I believe I've killed two of them.
Goldeneye

25. I had not come to Hollywood to fight with a man dressed as Hitler.
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

26. Since the United States Government declares this man to be Santa Claus, this court will not dispute it. Case dismissed.
Miracle on 34th Street

27. And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less."
Monty Python and the Holy Grail

28. Hey, I got a dedication here that's for a friend of the ol' Wolfman. And he wants me to play the next song for a blonde young lady in a Thunderbird.
American Grafitti

29. Mother of Mercy! Is this the end of Rico?
Little Caesar

30. So, again we are defeated. The farmers have won. Not us.
The Seven Samurai

31. Helping the little lady along are you, my fine gentlemen? Well stay away from her, or I'll stuff a mattress with you! And you, I'll make you into a beehive.
The Wizard of Oz

32. Well, you know, race cars don't need headlights, because the track is always lit.
Well, so is my brother, but he still needs headlights!
Cars

33. Here we are. You got me into your house. You give me a drink. You put on music. Now you start opening up your personal life to me and tell me your husband won't be home for hours.
The Graduate

34. Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide gorilla? Is that what you’re telling me?
Young Frankenstein

35. What difference does it make where you buy underwear? What difference does it make? Underwear is underwear! It is underwear wherever you buy it! In Cincinnati or wherever!
Rainman

36. I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it...
Fistful of Dollars

37. But what if none of us goes for the blonde? We won't get in each other's way and we won't insult the other girls. It's the only way to win. It's the only way we all get laid.
A Beautiful Mind

38. It's a dinglehopper. Humans use these little babies to straighten their hair out.
The Little Mermaid

39. Attica! Attica!
Dog Day Afternoon

40. I'll be all around in the dark - I'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look - wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there.
The Grapes of Wrath

41. Now we got here in the state of Louisiana what's known as the Napoleonic code. You see, now according to that, what belongs to the wife belongs to the husband also, and vice versa...
A Streetcar Named Desire

42. That's all right. He can call me “Flower” if he wants to. I don't mind.
Bambi

43. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong.
The Breakfast Club

44. People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people.
V for Vendetta

45. You're two wonderful people who happened to fall in love and happen to have a pigmentation problem.
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

46. They called me chicken. You know, chicken? I had to go because if I didn't I'd never be able to face those kids again. I got in one of those cars, and Buzz, that - Buzz, one of those kids - he got in the other car, and we had to drive fast and then jump...
Rebel Without a Cause

47. Who is that? Nietzsche? So you stopped talking because of Friedrich Nietzsche?
Little Miss Sunshine

48. But if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.
Jurassic Park

49. As my first act with this new authority, I will create a grand army of the Republic to counter the increasing threats of the Separatists.
Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones

50. They're here already! You're next! You're next! You're next!.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Monday, January 01, 2007

2007

Happy New Year, loyal readers. The Invisible Ben is still very much alive, even if his enthusiasm for blogging has waned somewhat of late. Such things are to be expected, however, when the break between semesters is filled with intimidating research projects. Of course, I haven't spent all my time in the library, just the majority of it. On those rare occasions where it's been closed, I've been forced to pursue other interests.

For example, on Christmas, after watching a brief historical reenactment of Washington crossing the Delaware, I drove to my local theater and watched Casino Royale. Having read the original novel when I was an undergraduate, I confess that I was not thrilled after reading some advanced reviews about some of the liberties taken with the plot. Texas Hold 'Em poker instead of baccarat? Changing the location of the casino to Montenegro? And where the hell were David Niven and Woody Allen? Nevertheless, I am pleased to report, at the start of 2-007, that the film was well worth the price of admission, even if I found myself slightly disoriented by the film's geographic scope. Within the first hour, our stalwart hero is in 5 different countries: The Czech Republic, Madagascar, Great Britain, the Bahamas, and the United States...and that's before they get to the title establishment somewhere in the former Yugoslavia! Carmen Sandiego has got nothing on James Bond.

But there was more to my holiday season than movie watching and paper writing. For example, I got to have dinner with the Invisible Dad when he came down to visit his parents. He brought along Invisible Dog, who is not nearly as petite as she was when I posted that picture so long ago, which made dealing with leftovers a snap. And right after Christmas, my girlfriend returned home from seeing her family, so I got to spend some time with her. To celebrate the winter solstice, and all of its affiliated festivals, we went to dinner at the Melting Pot, a restaurant dedicated to the preparation and consumption of fondue. Not just cheese fondue, however. No, there were fondues of all kinds, savory and sweet, in which one could dip damn well any vegetable, fruit, or dessert one wanted. Near the end of the meal, the waitress was even nice enough to volunteer my coat for dipping, when she accidentally spilled one of their fancy sauces on it. She cleaned it off and I tried not to make a big deal of things, especially since I had other business to attend to after dinner, namely a trip to the theater to see Chicago...the musical, not the band.

All of this, of course, served as precursor to New Year's Eve, which marked an anniversary of sorts for us. As some of you may remember
, I had planned to spend my New Year's Eve last year by myself. The best laid plans of mice and Ben, however, can often go astray, and in this case, my current girlfriend and past coworker was responsible. She was kind enough to invite me, at the last minute, to attend a party that some of her friends were holding downtown. The party, it turned out, was actually starting to fragment by the time we arrived, but the two of us decided to hang out anyway and rang in the New Year together, watching the fireworks explode in the cold night air. A few weeks later, I asked her out on a more formalized "date," and the rest, as they say, is history. So New Year's and its associated celebrations holds a bit of sentimental value for us. We spent our New Year's this time around in a slightly less frenzied environment than a city crowd, sipping champagne in her apartment and watching a somewhat haggard looking Dick Clark count down the final seconds of 2006. All in all, I can think of no nicer way to have spent the time.

Looking back, 2006 was a busy year for the Invisible Ben. 2007 promises to be much more stable, with far fewer Underwood related escapades and many more of the mundane events that characterize graduate school life. Nevertheless, my hope...I hesitate to say resolution...for 2007 is that I will pay closer attention to the fascinating and bizarre aspects of this wonderfully strange world of ours and keep a more comprehensive record of it here for you to read. Whether this means pointing out foibles of the academic types with whom I rub elbows or the random eccentricities inherent in history, politics, pop culture, or some other miscellaneous category, it's all fair game. So stay tuned, folks, because 2007 is going to be an interesting year. I hope you won't mind me tagging along for the ride.


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