Friday, November 09, 2007
A Heinz Bottle Full of Crazy!
Those of you who follow this blog closely may have noticed that despite almost a full year after I turned on comments on my blog posts, I have received rather little in the way of feedback from the Internet audience. This is not particularly surprising, especially since my cloistered graduate student life is, on the whole, far less provocative than my time in the classroom. I suppose I could post some comments on the two conferences I attended over the past month in Washington, D.C., but honestly, much of that would consist of me writing about how I sat for two hours listening to talks on (insert your favorite obscure scientific or technological concept here).
Ok...that is admittedly something of an exaggeration since in reality I met some really cool people at these conferences, saw a few prominent academic celebrities, and on the second occasion got a chance to spend time with the Invisible Dad...but I digress.
The point is between my decreased posting and my boring, yet swanky, academic lifestyle, my blog posts just don't seem to inspire to rush to their keyboards. There have been a few exceptions...the annual movie quote contest (coming soon for 2007!) is still something of a hit, but otherwise...it's pretty quiet all along the western front. What comments do arise are posted within a day or two after I compose a given blog entry and then it's done. There's no need to check back after a week and see if someone finally responded.
But that doesn't mean that I don't occasionally peruse my recent postings to see if anything has changed. And lo and behold, some things did pop up on this post from a month ago regarding my program seminar presentation. (Which went...fine, I suppose. Granted, I left feeling as though my work and my life had no meaning, but I've since recovered from the experience.) First, of course there was the note from the Invisible Sister wishing me best of luck that fateful October afternoon. Then almost two weeks later, a post from the Snood Warrior (Remember him? He used to blog a little.) asking for comments regarding the recent revelation from J.K. Rowling that the headmaster of Hogwarts was apparently a homosexual, despite any real indication to that effect in the entire seven volume Harry Potter series. (To answer that question: I think my girlfriend and I are in agreement that Rowling's decision to tack on characterization to her literary creations after the fact is unorthodox at best and unconscionable in general. It reminds me of the introductions of midichlorians into the Star Wars mythos. After a perfectly good trilogy of keeping the Force as a mystical energy field, we throw a bio-chemical explanation into the mix? In both cases, it was an unnecessary and risked potentially alienating established fans of a popular franchise.) And then there was the new one.
On November 3rd, 2007, an anonymous comment was posted on this blog.
Here are some vital statistics concerning this comment:
Characters:
281,333
Words:
52,236
Sentences:
3,613 (Maximum number of words in a given sentence?: 110)
Lines:
5,429
Paragraphs:
2,283
Pages (12 pt. Times New Roman, 1 inch margins):
127
Let me repeat that last point. 127 pages! A single comment! 127 pages! I realize that I have a tendency to run at the mouth a bit...but seriously? That's twice as long as my most recent research paper. That's almost book length. I have been assigned scholarly monographs to read that are shorter than this comment.
But that doesn't mean it's not still worth perusing, right?
Submitted for your consideration are 57 of the more interesting, random, offensive, and otherwise off the wall excerpts from what will likely be, without a doubt, the longest comment that will ever posted on this blog along with some of my thoughts (in bold) below.
1. " There is a BIG LIE here. Sigmund Freud proves it. Wine proves it. Democracy proves it. Materialism/greed proves it."
I like this line because you can claim anything or anyone proves it. Shredded Wheat proves it! Francis Bacon proves it! Tupperware proves it!
2. "Everything Dis_ney produces is evil. In the 20th century it was more difficult to perceive but, consistant with the god's methodology, now that we are progressing deeper into the 21st century it is becoming increasingly obvious."
And the Dark God's name is Mic_key M'ouse.
3. "If you are a young parent you STILL HAVE A CHANCE!!! It is IMPERITIVE you teach your children decency, the right way to live BEFORE THEY ARE CORRUPTED BY ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE and then endure the trials and tribulations the gods will inflict upon the righteous."
I love public service announcements.
4. "Greenland is a Dutch providence for a reason::::The Netherlands is the "piss" of the Scandanavian penis clue. Greenland's melting icepacks are going to innundate our coastal cities, further fulfilling this clue."
Greenland is Dutch? No...no...that doesn't seem right at all. And let's not even get into the Scandanavian penis clue.
5. "I wouldn’t be surprised if Halloween is Dutch/Danish too. Timing is right, goddamn Viking. You imported Halloween and fucked the Irish/Celtics with it, didn't you??"
Admit it. Halloween would be 50 times better if it was actually an ancient Viking holiday!
Also which do you think sounds better? The Nethermark or Denlands?
6. "Expect the gods have Black War II in their plans. And since this Italian Manifest Destiny is their positioning they have positioned it as justified.
Black War II:::Just like casual sex, just like westernization expect Black War II to one day become all-encompassing in scope (not isolated)."
I appreciate in the midst of all the ranting, that this spammer was nice enough to inform me parenthetically of another possible wording for "all-encompassing." Here's a tip: By including a thesaurus inside your racist rant you ensure that even more people can get offended by it!
7. "1. Prior to 60s movies sucked INTENTIONALLY"
Wait, crazy rant...you mean, my girlfriend was right all along? But what about those Audrey Hepburn movies she still thinks are okay? And what about Casablanca? Oh, crazy rant, if only you had more wisdom to share.
Oh wait...there's more!
8. "2. Popular music scene "repetitious", replaced with dynamicism of the 70s."
Because nothing says "dynamicism" like DISCO!
9. "Black males involved in black popular culture would be wise to ASSUME THIS IS YOUR LAST LIFE!!!"
YOU MUST FIND A GREEN MUSHROOM ON LEVEL 1-2 IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT TO THE WARP ZONE!
10. "They share they use the preditory nature of Microsoft (preditory pricing, stole Windows from Apple) to justify manipulating files and directories with the XP Operating System"
Honestly, I'm not sure who "they" are referring to here, but I think I may be on the same page as crazy spammer guy when it comes to Microsoft's "preditory" nature. Sadly, I haven't found any hidden Linux rants yet.
11. "Christianity is temptation, an unrespectable religion DESIGNED to compell people to wait to be saved."
Amazing...Richard Dawkins was right all along! Take that, God!
12. "Violent racist 20th century Italians were reincanated ghetto blacks gunned down in the Black War. The gods LOVE their irony."
The gods must be crazy. Crazy RACIST.
13. "I hope the death camps were FULL of Italians in those clone host bodies."
But if the death camps were full of clones, couldn't the Italians just generate new host bodies to possess? See, now you're just not thinking things through rationally.
14. "'Follow the money.' The gods used Manifest Destiny positioning to grant Jews great wealth post-war. "
Manifest Destiny doesn't work that way.
15. "Much like god's law in holy books, "segregation" was favor bestowed upon the people::::The gods granted favor when they "segregated" us into our own areas of the world."
Scarily similar to some 17th and 18th century natural historical treatises on race.
16. "Buy the Cliff Notes for the Bible. Skip the New Testiment, for its creation was preditory, crafted to manufacture the institution we know as Christianity."
You know, you're just going to read the Cliff Notes, you probably should read the whole thing. Otherwise you have no shot at the multiple choice part of the exam.
17. "Everything in water that has no fins and scales shall be an abomination for you. Lev. 11: 9-12 Kosher is not religious. Kosher is practical dietary law, favor bestowed upon the Jewish people long ago. Learn it. Live it. Love it."
This message brought to you by the claw-carrying members of the Lobster Liberation Front.
18. "It's all a lie. The computer IS god. The gods are the will behind the muscle."
If it's all a lie, is the computer a god or not? And if it's not then what do I do with these animal entrails I left in my DVD drive as a sacrifice?
19. "Don't forget:::This is another Level 1 planet, Planet Temptation, for the gods added a hurdle for those who couldn't get out in a timely manner:::You have TWO planets you need to get off of (see the list of temptations below)."
If there is reality television or its equivalent in a few centuries, I expect Planet Temptation to be among the galaxy's most popular shows.
20. "Understand they can beem an occupant into a clone host AT ANY TIME:::::
1. At conception (YES!! Very possible - reduce brain down to cellular level)
2. During gestation
3. At birth
4. Sometime thereafter.
What about the brain in the child?? Didn't have to be one. They probably do it both ways, no B&W with the gods."
Mommy, where do the occupants of clone host babies come from?
21. "Of the geographic clues I know of the Great Lakes clues are the only ones that are good (umbrella which favors Michigan."
I think it looks like a palm tree. I wonder whether that's good news for Michigan.
22. "Katrina's levee failure vs Noah's Flood Straight of Gibralter breech:::\"
Hmm. Katrina: Biblical Flood::_____________: Noah?
a. George Bush
b. Ray Nagin
c. Anderson Cooper
d. Michael Brown
e. None of the above.
23. "Thekeywordofthedayis@UNSUBSTANTIATED.com"
Finally, some contact information. Now I can finally get all my questions answered.
24. "There are many clues to be taken from the Simpsons, specifically the Ned Flanders figure::::"
"Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church!"
25. "The Merger & Acquisition era (M&A) allowed the gods to justify what was in place before the 80s:::::Corporations are all tools specifically for strategic use."
No...that's not true. That's impossible. A corporation would never hurt me.
26. "There were a lot of people who got out in the 70s who were ignorant, not understanding the system and open to corruption."
Corruption? In the 70s? Heaven forfend!
27. "Recently they shared a number with me:::"4.6%".
Expect this to be the rate of people that can see through the positioning, overcome the corruption and save themselves."
YOU CAN'T BEAT THOSE RATES! 4.6%! Anything lower and I'd have to be CRAAAAZY!
28. "Only the disfavored eat.
Only the disfavored use the toilet.
Only the disfavored get their "monthly visitor".
This is an OUTSTANDING example illustrating how society's corruption is institutionalized,"
So, who's favored exactly? Male coma victims fed intravenously?
29. "This is MY TIME PIGS PIGS PIGS PIGS PIGS!!!"
I'm assuming that the repetition here refers to an echo, and therefore feel quite comfortable adding "IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"
30. "There's some kind of deal regarding the Italians. The gods had to do it like this to maintain their effectiveness as corruptors:::
1. No suffering
2. No revenge
3. Have this life of hedonism ($1000 bottles of wine)
4. Get a goodly amount of time before they let them go."
If you ask me, $1000 bottles of wine are just the tip of the iceberg so far as divinely-sanctioned hedonism is concerned.
31. "Reggae music is an incitor which flamed the cancer on the African people known as resistance, instilled/stoked with god's tool that was the Egyptian Dynasties."
Truly no style of music has been stoked so thoroughly by the Egyptian Dynasties than reggae. No wonder Bob Marley rocked so very hard.
32. "I'd kill (god) for that history degree, you lying CHEATING Slut Slut Slut."
Ok. This is just eerie. Get out of my head, crazy spammer!
33. "I told you it wasn't a north-south issue::::It is a LATITUDE issue::::Everyone between the Tropics is fucked."
This has been a terrifying message from Al Gore.
34. "HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT"
Is it wrong that my compulsive little brain doesn't care about how screwed up this section is but just wants there to be the same number of "HUNT" and "DIE" entries in this sequence?
35. ONE PURPOSE OF THE HOLOCAUST WAS TO COMMUNICATE THIS CLUE!!!! COMPLIANCE IS A MISTAKE!!!!!
AND HERE IS ANOTHER CLUE: GENOCIDE IS ALSO NOT COOL. DON'T DO THAT!
36. "Telepathic requests constitute temptation."
There are a bunch of Star Trek episodes that discuss this very issue at length. Frustratingly, most of them involve Counselor Troi.
37. "I personally don't think we were ever going to see the Preditor take out the trash."
And I personally don't think we were ever going to see the Alein sort the recycling, but I felt it went without saying.
38. "Bill Clinton was impeached BECAUSE it was 1998 and a preditory pre-2000 distraction for those politically inclined. "
Really, it depended on what your definition of "was" was...
39. "M is fucked up because she is disfavored and she had no empathy for the disfavored WHO HAPPENED TO BE HER CHILDREN!!!"
"Damnit, 007, I thought I told you not to include me in your little online rants."
40. "The way they continually dumped on Carter in their media was similar to how they continually dumped on the French. And Barry Manilow. There may be a comparison here."
Jimmy Carter. The French. Barry Manilow. This is either a job for Carnac the Magnificent or the single most convoluted final round of Pyramid I've ever seen. (Things that annoy most Americans...Things that have strange accents...)
41. "'What about (Amy Carter)?' What about her?"
Oops. My mistake. That was Amy Carter. Not Jimmy Carter. Not that this distinction makes Carnac's job any easier.
42. "Of course the movie about Elizabeth I is coming out. Expect lots of ignorant English to fail to recognize her possible assassin as a hero of the English people."
But there were so many possible assassins. Which one do you mean?
43. "Retirement is like Seabiscut:"
Yes. And resigning is like Bagger Vance. And getting a demotion is like Little Giants.
44. "Anyways, women generally have no body hair. When they do it is a bad sign."
A sex ed tip from your friendly neighborhood crazy ranter.
45. "Talk about the Italians in the 20th century, how positioning compelled them to think the "godfather" ran the world (1906) and subsequently complied with every telepathic request made as though their kind ruled the world."
Talk about their "godfather" with its "excellent acting" and "well-written sequel" and its "poorly conceived third installment." Yes...talk about it!
46. "Lots of Latin American metal blogs. You people can't afford it.
Yes, you did have a domesticable animal. But it is just one. And isn't the llama indigenous to moutainous regions??? "
Actually the llama is a quadruped that lives in big rivers like the Amazon. It has two ears, a heart, a forehead, and a beak for eating honey!
47. "2. Deep down very child knows why the gods like girls better. They see it every day on the playground:::The girls are kind, considerate and thoughtful while the boys are engaging in roughhouse and intentionally hurting each other."
This explains, among other things, why my little sister got to have a later bedtime than I did when I was her age. (The gods liked her better!)
48. "Lassie was the clue::::The freely admitted there were multpiles, just as there are multiples of your favorite celebrities."
I hope you've been keeping track of the clues, because there will be a short quiz later.
49. "For Christ's sake antient Rome was sexually deviate like the fucking 60s!!!!
For Christ's sake antient Rome was sexually deviate like the fucking 60s!!!!
For Christ's sake antient Rome was sexually deviate like the fucking 60s!!!!
For Christ's sake antient Rome was sexually deviate like the fucking 60s!!!!"
Actually antient Rome was sexually deviate during the fucking 60s. And not your fancy "19-60s" either... I'm talking the original 60s. Remember Emperor Nero? Now there's a guy who loved excess and hedonism!
50. "Suggestions for saving water:::
1. Mandate the reclamation and use of grey water in wasteful Palm Springs.
2. Legislate swimming pool owners must claim draining pool water for productive use.
3. Piss in the sink to save water - Always wash your hands and "flush" with 8oz of water!!!"
One of these things doesn't belong here.
One of these things just isn't the same...
One of these things will get you kicked out of the house if your roommates see it.
51. "Poker/gambling web sites are all controlled by the computer. "
I must admit, this is part of the reason I haven't gotten into online gambling. That and the fact that I stink at poker.
52. "The Irish are special:::
1. Defeated the invading rapist pirate Scandanavian Vikings.
2. Were forced into emmigrating to the United States with the Potato Famine (1846-1857) as opposed to falling for temptation (request/comply), religious strife, political unrest, wanting more (greed).
I suspect the Irish are at the top of the "food chain" of necessity, religious strife coming in a distant 2nd."
I don't get what this guy has against Vikings. He seems to like the Irish, though I'm not sure whether it's a good thing to be at the top of a food chain where you end up eating religious strife.
53. "Music is the worst distraction upon poeple because its appeal is maintained over time, unlike other tools they use in the media to prey on the disfavored (movies, etc)::You can listen to your favorite album again and again. Once you've seen a movie there's no reason to see it again."
Music is the worst distraction upon people? Worse than television or the Internet? Really? Because this post is starting to suggest that the Internet might be a bigger distraction...
54. "You got cancer because you're a deviate and this is how they are punishing you."
The new line of Hallmark cards for jerks who know people with cancer.
55. "YOU PUSHED CRACKHEADS INTO PROSTITUTING THEIR TODDLERS FOR DOPE."
Yes. It was me. I'm so, so sorry. It won't happen again.
56. "The first steps towards repairing your relationship with the gods is to:::::::::
1. Understand they instruct the computer to "role play" in an attempt to confuse you"
So next time your computer pulls out a 20-sided die and tries to roll for initiative you tell it to stop because you need to repair your relationship with the gods, damnit!
And finally...
57. "Being evil hurts 99.99% of those who do it. "
But the remaining 0.01% have the time of their lives!
(3) comments
Those of you who follow this blog closely may have noticed that despite almost a full year after I turned on comments on my blog posts, I have received rather little in the way of feedback from the Internet audience. This is not particularly surprising, especially since my cloistered graduate student life is, on the whole, far less provocative than my time in the classroom. I suppose I could post some comments on the two conferences I attended over the past month in Washington, D.C., but honestly, much of that would consist of me writing about how I sat for two hours listening to talks on (insert your favorite obscure scientific or technological concept here).
Ok...that is admittedly something of an exaggeration since in reality I met some really cool people at these conferences, saw a few prominent academic celebrities, and on the second occasion got a chance to spend time with the Invisible Dad...but I digress.
The point is between my decreased posting and my boring, yet swanky, academic lifestyle, my blog posts just don't seem to inspire to rush to their keyboards. There have been a few exceptions...the annual movie quote contest (coming soon for 2007!) is still something of a hit, but otherwise...it's pretty quiet all along the western front. What comments do arise are posted within a day or two after I compose a given blog entry and then it's done. There's no need to check back after a week and see if someone finally responded.
But that doesn't mean that I don't occasionally peruse my recent postings to see if anything has changed. And lo and behold, some things did pop up on this post from a month ago regarding my program seminar presentation. (Which went...fine, I suppose. Granted, I left feeling as though my work and my life had no meaning, but I've since recovered from the experience.) First, of course there was the note from the Invisible Sister wishing me best of luck that fateful October afternoon. Then almost two weeks later, a post from the Snood Warrior (Remember him? He used to blog a little.) asking for comments regarding the recent revelation from J.K. Rowling that the headmaster of Hogwarts was apparently a homosexual, despite any real indication to that effect in the entire seven volume Harry Potter series. (To answer that question: I think my girlfriend and I are in agreement that Rowling's decision to tack on characterization to her literary creations after the fact is unorthodox at best and unconscionable in general. It reminds me of the introductions of midichlorians into the Star Wars mythos. After a perfectly good trilogy of keeping the Force as a mystical energy field, we throw a bio-chemical explanation into the mix? In both cases, it was an unnecessary and risked potentially alienating established fans of a popular franchise.) And then there was the new one.
On November 3rd, 2007, an anonymous comment was posted on this blog.
Here are some vital statistics concerning this comment:
Characters:
281,333
Words:
52,236
Sentences:
3,613 (Maximum number of words in a given sentence?: 110)
Lines:
5,429
Paragraphs:
2,283
Pages (12 pt. Times New Roman, 1 inch margins):
127
Let me repeat that last point. 127 pages! A single comment! 127 pages! I realize that I have a tendency to run at the mouth a bit...but seriously? That's twice as long as my most recent research paper. That's almost book length. I have been assigned scholarly monographs to read that are shorter than this comment.
But that doesn't mean it's not still worth perusing, right?
Submitted for your consideration are 57 of the more interesting, random, offensive, and otherwise off the wall excerpts from what will likely be, without a doubt, the longest comment that will ever posted on this blog along with some of my thoughts (in bold) below.
1. " There is a BIG LIE here. Sigmund Freud proves it. Wine proves it. Democracy proves it. Materialism/greed proves it."
I like this line because you can claim anything or anyone proves it. Shredded Wheat proves it! Francis Bacon proves it! Tupperware proves it!
2. "Everything Dis_ney produces is evil. In the 20th century it was more difficult to perceive but, consistant with the god's methodology, now that we are progressing deeper into the 21st century it is becoming increasingly obvious."
And the Dark God's name is Mic_key M'ouse.
3. "If you are a young parent you STILL HAVE A CHANCE!!! It is IMPERITIVE you teach your children decency, the right way to live BEFORE THEY ARE CORRUPTED BY ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE and then endure the trials and tribulations the gods will inflict upon the righteous."
I love public service announcements.
4. "Greenland is a Dutch providence for a reason::::The Netherlands is the "piss" of the Scandanavian penis clue. Greenland's melting icepacks are going to innundate our coastal cities, further fulfilling this clue."
Greenland is Dutch? No...no...that doesn't seem right at all. And let's not even get into the Scandanavian penis clue.
5. "I wouldn’t be surprised if Halloween is Dutch/Danish too. Timing is right, goddamn Viking. You imported Halloween and fucked the Irish/Celtics with it, didn't you??"
Admit it. Halloween would be 50 times better if it was actually an ancient Viking holiday!
Also which do you think sounds better? The Nethermark or Denlands?
6. "Expect the gods have Black War II in their plans. And since this Italian Manifest Destiny is their positioning they have positioned it as justified.
Black War II:::Just like casual sex, just like westernization expect Black War II to one day become all-encompassing in scope (not isolated)."
I appreciate in the midst of all the ranting, that this spammer was nice enough to inform me parenthetically of another possible wording for "all-encompassing." Here's a tip: By including a thesaurus inside your racist rant you ensure that even more people can get offended by it!
7. "1. Prior to 60s movies sucked INTENTIONALLY"
Wait, crazy rant...you mean, my girlfriend was right all along? But what about those Audrey Hepburn movies she still thinks are okay? And what about Casablanca? Oh, crazy rant, if only you had more wisdom to share.
Oh wait...there's more!
8. "2. Popular music scene "repetitious", replaced with dynamicism of the 70s."
Because nothing says "dynamicism" like DISCO!
9. "Black males involved in black popular culture would be wise to ASSUME THIS IS YOUR LAST LIFE!!!"
YOU MUST FIND A GREEN MUSHROOM ON LEVEL 1-2 IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT TO THE WARP ZONE!
10. "They share they use the preditory nature of Microsoft (preditory pricing, stole Windows from Apple) to justify manipulating files and directories with the XP Operating System"
Honestly, I'm not sure who "they" are referring to here, but I think I may be on the same page as crazy spammer guy when it comes to Microsoft's "preditory" nature. Sadly, I haven't found any hidden Linux rants yet.
11. "Christianity is temptation, an unrespectable religion DESIGNED to compell people to wait to be saved."
Amazing...Richard Dawkins was right all along! Take that, God!
12. "Violent racist 20th century Italians were reincanated ghetto blacks gunned down in the Black War. The gods LOVE their irony."
The gods must be crazy. Crazy RACIST.
13. "I hope the death camps were FULL of Italians in those clone host bodies."
But if the death camps were full of clones, couldn't the Italians just generate new host bodies to possess? See, now you're just not thinking things through rationally.
14. "'Follow the money.' The gods used Manifest Destiny positioning to grant Jews great wealth post-war. "
Manifest Destiny doesn't work that way.
15. "Much like god's law in holy books, "segregation" was favor bestowed upon the people::::The gods granted favor when they "segregated" us into our own areas of the world."
Scarily similar to some 17th and 18th century natural historical treatises on race.
16. "Buy the Cliff Notes for the Bible. Skip the New Testiment, for its creation was preditory, crafted to manufacture the institution we know as Christianity."
You know, you're just going to read the Cliff Notes, you probably should read the whole thing. Otherwise you have no shot at the multiple choice part of the exam.
17. "Everything in water that has no fins and scales shall be an abomination for you. Lev. 11: 9-12 Kosher is not religious. Kosher is practical dietary law, favor bestowed upon the Jewish people long ago. Learn it. Live it. Love it."
This message brought to you by the claw-carrying members of the Lobster Liberation Front.
18. "It's all a lie. The computer IS god. The gods are the will behind the muscle."
If it's all a lie, is the computer a god or not? And if it's not then what do I do with these animal entrails I left in my DVD drive as a sacrifice?
19. "Don't forget:::This is another Level 1 planet, Planet Temptation, for the gods added a hurdle for those who couldn't get out in a timely manner:::You have TWO planets you need to get off of (see the list of temptations below)."
If there is reality television or its equivalent in a few centuries, I expect Planet Temptation to be among the galaxy's most popular shows.
20. "Understand they can beem an occupant into a clone host AT ANY TIME:::::
1. At conception (YES!! Very possible - reduce brain down to cellular level)
2. During gestation
3. At birth
4. Sometime thereafter.
What about the brain in the child?? Didn't have to be one. They probably do it both ways, no B&W with the gods."
Mommy, where do the occupants of clone host babies come from?
21. "Of the geographic clues I know of the Great Lakes clues are the only ones that are good (umbrella which favors Michigan."
I think it looks like a palm tree. I wonder whether that's good news for Michigan.
22. "Katrina's levee failure vs Noah's Flood Straight of Gibralter breech:::\"
Hmm. Katrina: Biblical Flood::_____________: Noah?
a. George Bush
b. Ray Nagin
c. Anderson Cooper
d. Michael Brown
e. None of the above.
23. "Thekeywordofthedayis@UNSUBSTANTIATED.com"
Finally, some contact information. Now I can finally get all my questions answered.
24. "There are many clues to be taken from the Simpsons, specifically the Ned Flanders figure::::"
"Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church!"
25. "The Merger & Acquisition era (M&A) allowed the gods to justify what was in place before the 80s:::::Corporations are all tools specifically for strategic use."
No...that's not true. That's impossible. A corporation would never hurt me.
26. "There were a lot of people who got out in the 70s who were ignorant, not understanding the system and open to corruption."
Corruption? In the 70s? Heaven forfend!
27. "Recently they shared a number with me:::"4.6%".
Expect this to be the rate of people that can see through the positioning, overcome the corruption and save themselves."
YOU CAN'T BEAT THOSE RATES! 4.6%! Anything lower and I'd have to be CRAAAAZY!
28. "Only the disfavored eat.
Only the disfavored use the toilet.
Only the disfavored get their "monthly visitor".
This is an OUTSTANDING example illustrating how society's corruption is institutionalized,"
So, who's favored exactly? Male coma victims fed intravenously?
29. "This is MY TIME PIGS PIGS PIGS PIGS PIGS!!!"
I'm assuming that the repetition here refers to an echo, and therefore feel quite comfortable adding "IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"
30. "There's some kind of deal regarding the Italians. The gods had to do it like this to maintain their effectiveness as corruptors:::
1. No suffering
2. No revenge
3. Have this life of hedonism ($1000 bottles of wine)
4. Get a goodly amount of time before they let them go."
If you ask me, $1000 bottles of wine are just the tip of the iceberg so far as divinely-sanctioned hedonism is concerned.
31. "Reggae music is an incitor which flamed the cancer on the African people known as resistance, instilled/stoked with god's tool that was the Egyptian Dynasties."
Truly no style of music has been stoked so thoroughly by the Egyptian Dynasties than reggae. No wonder Bob Marley rocked so very hard.
32. "I'd kill (god) for that history degree, you lying CHEATING Slut Slut Slut."
Ok. This is just eerie. Get out of my head, crazy spammer!
33. "I told you it wasn't a north-south issue::::It is a LATITUDE issue::::Everyone between the Tropics is fucked."
This has been a terrifying message from Al Gore.
34. "HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT DIE DIE DIE HUNT HUNT HUNT"
Is it wrong that my compulsive little brain doesn't care about how screwed up this section is but just wants there to be the same number of "HUNT" and "DIE" entries in this sequence?
35. ONE PURPOSE OF THE HOLOCAUST WAS TO COMMUNICATE THIS CLUE!!!! COMPLIANCE IS A MISTAKE!!!!!
AND HERE IS ANOTHER CLUE: GENOCIDE IS ALSO NOT COOL. DON'T DO THAT!
36. "Telepathic requests constitute temptation."
There are a bunch of Star Trek episodes that discuss this very issue at length. Frustratingly, most of them involve Counselor Troi.
37. "I personally don't think we were ever going to see the Preditor take out the trash."
And I personally don't think we were ever going to see the Alein sort the recycling, but I felt it went without saying.
38. "Bill Clinton was impeached BECAUSE it was 1998 and a preditory pre-2000 distraction for those politically inclined. "
Really, it depended on what your definition of "was" was...
39. "M is fucked up because she is disfavored and she had no empathy for the disfavored WHO HAPPENED TO BE HER CHILDREN!!!"
"Damnit, 007, I thought I told you not to include me in your little online rants."
40. "The way they continually dumped on Carter in their media was similar to how they continually dumped on the French. And Barry Manilow. There may be a comparison here."
Jimmy Carter. The French. Barry Manilow. This is either a job for Carnac the Magnificent or the single most convoluted final round of Pyramid I've ever seen. (Things that annoy most Americans...Things that have strange accents...)
41. "'What about (Amy Carter)?' What about her?"
Oops. My mistake. That was Amy Carter. Not Jimmy Carter. Not that this distinction makes Carnac's job any easier.
42. "Of course the movie about Elizabeth I is coming out. Expect lots of ignorant English to fail to recognize her possible assassin as a hero of the English people."
But there were so many possible assassins. Which one do you mean?
43. "Retirement is like Seabiscut:"
Yes. And resigning is like Bagger Vance. And getting a demotion is like Little Giants.
44. "Anyways, women generally have no body hair. When they do it is a bad sign."
A sex ed tip from your friendly neighborhood crazy ranter.
45. "Talk about the Italians in the 20th century, how positioning compelled them to think the "godfather" ran the world (1906) and subsequently complied with every telepathic request made as though their kind ruled the world."
Talk about their "godfather" with its "excellent acting" and "well-written sequel" and its "poorly conceived third installment." Yes...talk about it!
46. "Lots of Latin American metal blogs. You people can't afford it.
Yes, you did have a domesticable animal. But it is just one. And isn't the llama indigenous to moutainous regions??? "
Actually the llama is a quadruped that lives in big rivers like the Amazon. It has two ears, a heart, a forehead, and a beak for eating honey!
47. "2. Deep down very child knows why the gods like girls better. They see it every day on the playground:::The girls are kind, considerate and thoughtful while the boys are engaging in roughhouse and intentionally hurting each other."
This explains, among other things, why my little sister got to have a later bedtime than I did when I was her age. (The gods liked her better!)
48. "Lassie was the clue::::The freely admitted there were multpiles, just as there are multiples of your favorite celebrities."
I hope you've been keeping track of the clues, because there will be a short quiz later.
49. "For Christ's sake antient Rome was sexually deviate like the fucking 60s!!!!
For Christ's sake antient Rome was sexually deviate like the fucking 60s!!!!
For Christ's sake antient Rome was sexually deviate like the fucking 60s!!!!
For Christ's sake antient Rome was sexually deviate like the fucking 60s!!!!"
Actually antient Rome was sexually deviate during the fucking 60s. And not your fancy "19-60s" either... I'm talking the original 60s. Remember Emperor Nero? Now there's a guy who loved excess and hedonism!
50. "Suggestions for saving water:::
1. Mandate the reclamation and use of grey water in wasteful Palm Springs.
2. Legislate swimming pool owners must claim draining pool water for productive use.
3. Piss in the sink to save water - Always wash your hands and "flush" with 8oz of water!!!"
One of these things doesn't belong here.
One of these things just isn't the same...
One of these things will get you kicked out of the house if your roommates see it.
51. "Poker/gambling web sites are all controlled by the computer. "
I must admit, this is part of the reason I haven't gotten into online gambling. That and the fact that I stink at poker.
52. "The Irish are special:::
1. Defeated the invading rapist pirate Scandanavian Vikings.
2. Were forced into emmigrating to the United States with the Potato Famine (1846-1857) as opposed to falling for temptation (request/comply), religious strife, political unrest, wanting more (greed).
I suspect the Irish are at the top of the "food chain" of necessity, religious strife coming in a distant 2nd."
I don't get what this guy has against Vikings. He seems to like the Irish, though I'm not sure whether it's a good thing to be at the top of a food chain where you end up eating religious strife.
53. "Music is the worst distraction upon poeple because its appeal is maintained over time, unlike other tools they use in the media to prey on the disfavored (movies, etc)::You can listen to your favorite album again and again. Once you've seen a movie there's no reason to see it again."
Music is the worst distraction upon people? Worse than television or the Internet? Really? Because this post is starting to suggest that the Internet might be a bigger distraction...
54. "You got cancer because you're a deviate and this is how they are punishing you."
The new line of Hallmark cards for jerks who know people with cancer.
55. "YOU PUSHED CRACKHEADS INTO PROSTITUTING THEIR TODDLERS FOR DOPE."
Yes. It was me. I'm so, so sorry. It won't happen again.
56. "The first steps towards repairing your relationship with the gods is to:::::::::
1. Understand they instruct the computer to "role play" in an attempt to confuse you"
So next time your computer pulls out a 20-sided die and tries to roll for initiative you tell it to stop because you need to repair your relationship with the gods, damnit!
And finally...
57. "Being evil hurts 99.99% of those who do it. "
But the remaining 0.01% have the time of their lives!
