Sunday, April 23, 2006
Godspeed, little doodle!
I've never claimed my students were the quickest on the uptake. Normally I expect this relative lack of situational awareness to extend primarily into the realm of academics, which will no doubt explain general reaction to report cards when they come out tomorrow. (Top 3 predicted responses that do not involve profanity?: 1. Why did you fail me? 2. But I did all my work! 3. How come I got an F?)
However, normally the kids are very smooth when it comes to non-academic areas...like rule breaking. They're very good at smuggling in cell phones, CD players, MP3 players, and the like into class and using them when they should be paying attention. Any attempt to intercept students engaging in such behavior will automatically result in a level of diplomacy and litigious prowess rarely seen in a teenager. They will either attempt to explain, argue the just nature of, or deny their actions completely, or perhaps apologize and promise not to do the offending act again. This however, is just a feint. They'll do it again. They always do.
Like the kids who apparently can not read the big red sign on the window warning them not to open or close it without permission because it will not stay up and has the potential to crush their fingers. Is it wrong that a small part of me wants someone to get hurt closing the window so that the remainder of them learn the importance of following directions? Probably.
Another major pet peeve is food, which I forbid students to consume in my room because it attracts mice. I now have four preserved mice, all caught on site at the school, mounted on my wall as evidence of our rodent problem. And yet on Friday, two of my students come in with big handfuls of Cheez Doodles, the artificially orange puffs of edible styrofoam covering their hands with artifically processed dairy flavored dust. Quite frankly, the students, gorging themselves, looked disgusting, and I have no doubt were well aware of the food policy in my class. (It's not like the mice are hard to notice.) Which is why it was so frustrating when one of them, a particularly disrespectful so and so, started laughing and in between bites reached out a hand to offer me some of her snack.
At first I declined...but then, an idea struck and, perhaps stupidly, I reached out for a Doodle...and then crushed the handful into powder. It was easy. It was satisfying. It guaranteed the food would not be eaten. I found the solution artful. My student however was less than happy. She threw the remaining powder on me and then, rather than simply admit her error in bringing food into the room in the first place, proceeded to scream and be a general nuisance as I attempted to clean up the dust. She was, in point of fact, so loud and disrespectful that I planned to write her up, only to find myself lacking discipline slips. Then I thought of sending her out of the room, but she would not leave, insisting that "the only way I'm leaving is if you call someone to take me out." And rather than play into her little drama or bother the school police, I decided to just ignore her and let this whole Doodle incident fade away.
Until the second student came in, not knowing what had happened to her friend...and I did the exact same thing to her. For all the combined yelling and so forth from these students, I still feel justified in my action. Granted, I doubt it will stop them from being disrespectful, but I'll take the minor victory and move on from there.
The situation in that class, and the one subsequent (where I found an unwrapped and hopefully unused condom on the floor) remind me time and again of two things. First that no matter what they say, experience does not make this job any better...you just get better at dealing with all of the bizarre situations that characterize life in the classroom. And second, there are only a few more weeks in the classroom, and then my stint as a high school science teacher is, at least for the near future, finished And no matter how much I like some of my students or my co-workers, the summer can not come soon enough.
I've never claimed my students were the quickest on the uptake. Normally I expect this relative lack of situational awareness to extend primarily into the realm of academics, which will no doubt explain general reaction to report cards when they come out tomorrow. (Top 3 predicted responses that do not involve profanity?: 1. Why did you fail me? 2. But I did all my work! 3. How come I got an F?)
However, normally the kids are very smooth when it comes to non-academic areas...like rule breaking. They're very good at smuggling in cell phones, CD players, MP3 players, and the like into class and using them when they should be paying attention. Any attempt to intercept students engaging in such behavior will automatically result in a level of diplomacy and litigious prowess rarely seen in a teenager. They will either attempt to explain, argue the just nature of, or deny their actions completely, or perhaps apologize and promise not to do the offending act again. This however, is just a feint. They'll do it again. They always do.
Like the kids who apparently can not read the big red sign on the window warning them not to open or close it without permission because it will not stay up and has the potential to crush their fingers. Is it wrong that a small part of me wants someone to get hurt closing the window so that the remainder of them learn the importance of following directions? Probably.
Another major pet peeve is food, which I forbid students to consume in my room because it attracts mice. I now have four preserved mice, all caught on site at the school, mounted on my wall as evidence of our rodent problem. And yet on Friday, two of my students come in with big handfuls of Cheez Doodles, the artificially orange puffs of edible styrofoam covering their hands with artifically processed dairy flavored dust. Quite frankly, the students, gorging themselves, looked disgusting, and I have no doubt were well aware of the food policy in my class. (It's not like the mice are hard to notice.) Which is why it was so frustrating when one of them, a particularly disrespectful so and so, started laughing and in between bites reached out a hand to offer me some of her snack.
At first I declined...but then, an idea struck and, perhaps stupidly, I reached out for a Doodle...and then crushed the handful into powder. It was easy. It was satisfying. It guaranteed the food would not be eaten. I found the solution artful. My student however was less than happy. She threw the remaining powder on me and then, rather than simply admit her error in bringing food into the room in the first place, proceeded to scream and be a general nuisance as I attempted to clean up the dust. She was, in point of fact, so loud and disrespectful that I planned to write her up, only to find myself lacking discipline slips. Then I thought of sending her out of the room, but she would not leave, insisting that "the only way I'm leaving is if you call someone to take me out." And rather than play into her little drama or bother the school police, I decided to just ignore her and let this whole Doodle incident fade away.
Until the second student came in, not knowing what had happened to her friend...and I did the exact same thing to her. For all the combined yelling and so forth from these students, I still feel justified in my action. Granted, I doubt it will stop them from being disrespectful, but I'll take the minor victory and move on from there.
The situation in that class, and the one subsequent (where I found an unwrapped and hopefully unused condom on the floor) remind me time and again of two things. First that no matter what they say, experience does not make this job any better...you just get better at dealing with all of the bizarre situations that characterize life in the classroom. And second, there are only a few more weeks in the classroom, and then my stint as a high school science teacher is, at least for the near future, finished And no matter how much I like some of my students or my co-workers, the summer can not come soon enough.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
4 Questions
In honor of Passover and my recent family Seder, here are four questions that have been weighing on my mind recently regarding religion:
1. Danish Fallout: It seems that the newspaper cartoon controversy that tore Copenhagen apart has finally led to freedom of speech limitations here in the United States. I refer of course, to South Park, which has previously tackled every issue under the sun from stem cell research to corporate crime with relatively few restrictions from network executives, finally ran into a roadblock in their recent two-part Cartoon Wars episode. The show centered around the fallout that would occur if a popular cartoon (in this case, Family Guy) decided to show the Muslim prophet Muhammad in a relatively innocuous situation, like ordering iced tea or handing someone a football helmet. The network executives on the show waffle back and forth between showing the potentially offensive episode, censoring it, or pulling it off the air, and eventually decide to show the cartoon uncensored.
And then real life intervened. At the culmination of an episode vindicating free speech, the Comedy Central network staff decided to pull the offensive scenes, inserting the message below instead. (And lest one think that this was just part of the episode, consider the following interview with producer Anne Garefino posted at the Volokh Conspiracy)
Now here's the question. Regardless of the motivation for this censorship decision, whether fear or tolerance, will the Powers That Be ever release the actual scene, which was in point of fact, produced?
And the other question...is does it not strike anyone as hypocritical that Muhammad has appeared in a prominent speaking role and superpowers (pyrokinesis!) in a previous South Park episode which has been broadcast and rerun on several occasions? And will they ever rerun that episode ever again in the aftermath of Denmark and last Wednesday's censorship decision.
Whatever the answers to these questions are, one thing is clear. This looks like a job for the Super Best Friends!
2. The Angel of Death and Incomplete Information (courtesy of the Invisible Grandfather): Consider the following scenario. You're an Egyptian overseer living at the time of Moses, Aaron, and the rest of that crew. One afternoon after a hard day of oppressing the masses for the glory of Pharaoh, you notice something strange. All your slaves are painting their doors with the blood of a slaughtered lamb. When you ask one of them the origin of this strange custom he explains (after some duress) that he was told that the Angel of Death would be flying over the land killing off the first-born children of anyone whose house does not have lamb's blood on the door. Figuring it's better to be safe than sorry, you decide to imitate the slaves and streak some lamb's blood across your doorpost. This is a two part question: First, will the Angel of Death fall victim to your ruse and thereby spare your firstborn or will he be informed otherwise from On High? Second, if he can be directly informed from On High, why do the Jews need to slaughter all those poor baby lambs in the first place?
3. 9 & 1/2 Plagues: So I was recently trying to remember as many of the plagues of Egypt as I could, and found myself only able to name nine. A quick check on Wikipedia revealed the missing plague was #4: Arov. The reason I could not remember it was because the plague has a strange translation...it either means "flies" or "wild beasts." My question is this...shouldn't there be a relatively large distinction between these two things? The term wild beasts evokes, in my mind, large quadrapeds, which are, incidentally, carnivorous. Not flies. So are flies a plague of Egypt or not? And if so, don't arthropods seem a tad overrepresented in the whole plague thing what with confirmed swarms of lice and locusts?
4. To Hell With The Lunar Calendar!: Do you notice anything wrong about this picture?
In honor of Passover and my recent family Seder, here are four questions that have been weighing on my mind recently regarding religion:
1. Danish Fallout: It seems that the newspaper cartoon controversy that tore Copenhagen apart has finally led to freedom of speech limitations here in the United States. I refer of course, to South Park, which has previously tackled every issue under the sun from stem cell research to corporate crime with relatively few restrictions from network executives, finally ran into a roadblock in their recent two-part Cartoon Wars episode. The show centered around the fallout that would occur if a popular cartoon (in this case, Family Guy) decided to show the Muslim prophet Muhammad in a relatively innocuous situation, like ordering iced tea or handing someone a football helmet. The network executives on the show waffle back and forth between showing the potentially offensive episode, censoring it, or pulling it off the air, and eventually decide to show the cartoon uncensored.
And then real life intervened. At the culmination of an episode vindicating free speech, the Comedy Central network staff decided to pull the offensive scenes, inserting the message below instead. (And lest one think that this was just part of the episode, consider the following interview with producer Anne Garefino posted at the Volokh Conspiracy)
Now here's the question. Regardless of the motivation for this censorship decision, whether fear or tolerance, will the Powers That Be ever release the actual scene, which was in point of fact, produced?
And the other question...is does it not strike anyone as hypocritical that Muhammad has appeared in a prominent speaking role and superpowers (pyrokinesis!) in a previous South Park episode which has been broadcast and rerun on several occasions? And will they ever rerun that episode ever again in the aftermath of Denmark and last Wednesday's censorship decision.
Whatever the answers to these questions are, one thing is clear. This looks like a job for the Super Best Friends!
2. The Angel of Death and Incomplete Information (courtesy of the Invisible Grandfather): Consider the following scenario. You're an Egyptian overseer living at the time of Moses, Aaron, and the rest of that crew. One afternoon after a hard day of oppressing the masses for the glory of Pharaoh, you notice something strange. All your slaves are painting their doors with the blood of a slaughtered lamb. When you ask one of them the origin of this strange custom he explains (after some duress) that he was told that the Angel of Death would be flying over the land killing off the first-born children of anyone whose house does not have lamb's blood on the door. Figuring it's better to be safe than sorry, you decide to imitate the slaves and streak some lamb's blood across your doorpost. This is a two part question: First, will the Angel of Death fall victim to your ruse and thereby spare your firstborn or will he be informed otherwise from On High? Second, if he can be directly informed from On High, why do the Jews need to slaughter all those poor baby lambs in the first place?
3. 9 & 1/2 Plagues: So I was recently trying to remember as many of the plagues of Egypt as I could, and found myself only able to name nine. A quick check on Wikipedia revealed the missing plague was #4: Arov. The reason I could not remember it was because the plague has a strange translation...it either means "flies" or "wild beasts." My question is this...shouldn't there be a relatively large distinction between these two things? The term wild beasts evokes, in my mind, large quadrapeds, which are, incidentally, carnivorous. Not flies. So are flies a plague of Egypt or not? And if so, don't arthropods seem a tad overrepresented in the whole plague thing what with confirmed swarms of lice and locusts?
4. To Hell With The Lunar Calendar!: Do you notice anything wrong about this picture?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Spring Break...
Can not come soon enough to Underwood High School.
Fortunately, I get to start mine in approximately 15 hours since I will be spending Thursday and Friday visiting the other graduate school which admitted me to their Ph.D. program.
A week and a half without teaching the children...how will I survive?
More news later!
Can not come soon enough to Underwood High School.
Fortunately, I get to start mine in approximately 15 hours since I will be spending Thursday and Friday visiting the other graduate school which admitted me to their Ph.D. program.
A week and a half without teaching the children...how will I survive?
More news later!
